Step-child still has dummy age 4.5?

So comfort and encouraging them to give up the comfort when they are ready to do so which actually encourages self awareness and confidence is not necessary? So pleased you aren't my kids step mum.

This one is tough - you aren’t a parent and both parents are content to let this slide. so there is very little you can do other than continually voice your opinion to the dad - who clearly doesn’t agree with you.

You are of course right, but it’s not your circus and not your monkey. Commenting on the sidelines on other people’s parenting never ends well!

@AmeliaS1980 i think you are entitled to an opinion, if you're expected to be a blended family and chip in with childcare for example then no one has the right to tell you its nothing to do with you. Its really difficult when you are with someone who is lead by their ex, as you'll have your own opinions and it would be fsr easier if it was your partner deciding stuff as you could put your side across to him, but that's impossible when his side is his ex'

The 'unparenting' 'gentle parenting' millenial trend is really, really sad. Like another poster here mentioned, the child will receive socialisation at school and external pressures from other kids will rectify it. I would make my disdain for the practice clear to DH once and then just leave it.

So bad you decided to go and share the story as an amusing anecdote on mumsnet?

My DD handed hers over to me one day just after she was 4 (it had been strictly for bedtime only since she was 2), she said dummies were for babies and toddlers and she didn’t want it anymore. Not a single tear involved.

Bet you wouldn’t care if she was sucking her thumb because that’s seen as suitably middle class.

Like I said, I couldn't help it and I did feel bad. Chill out!

You have no idea what the situation was there. You are vile. Imagine mocking a child!

The dummy is not being enforced by the ex. You are your mum in this scenario, trying to force her to give up the dummy she loves. You want to enforce and she will battle. Especially as you are not her mother. If you don't want to cast yourself in the wicked stepmother role, you need to let go of this.

One time I saw a very obese 8 year old with a dummy in on the train and I felt so bad but I simply could not hold my laughter in.

School will sort this out. Kids are cruel

Dummies are for BABIES.

Not your child, so not your problem I suppose.

Another reason I hate taking my very delayed disabled little girl out she's 8 years old physically totally normal looking and stunningly beautiful. She's also mentally 2 and tube fed has a dummy out in public and an ipad to boot ITS ALWAYS WOMEN that look at me with total distain

Your opinion does not matter here.

Not knowing any different doesn't mean it's an ideal situation though, does it? She's constantly separated from one of her parents. I'm sure she has many sources of comfort, but you need to accept that the dummy is one of them.

Your reaction to the child having a dummy sounds extreme, you say it’s ’killing you’ and keep referring to it almost angrily as a ‘plastic teat.’ Your reaction to this sounds far greater than it needs to be, fair enough that you don’t like it but it’s not doing any harm but it sounds like you really can’t stand seeing it and aren’t able to accept that a dummy is a comfort item, your view seems very black and white that she’s too old for it and therefore doesn’t need it.

Instead of focusing on the dummy I feel like you need to unpick why it makes you feel so annoyed, lots of parents make decisions that other parents wouldn’t agree with (no doubt you did things with your own that people here would judge) but there’s a difference between thinking ‘I wouldn’t do that’ and feeling so strongly that something is wrong and seeing it only as negative. I would assume the dummy is actually triggering your annoyance about something else in your current dynamic which you subconsciously don’t want to face, maybe it’s bringing up truths about how your DP is as a parent or the relationship between him and his ex that you’d rather ignore but truly to feel this strongly about a dummy there must be something more behind it.

My dd also had no speech or dental issues caused by the dummy. She did need a brace in her teens but most kids do I think there is more damage done to teeth from thumb or finger sucking than a dummy.

It's killing me - bit of an over-reaction?!

Let it wash by you. It will stop when they get to school which is not far off.

Probably not but neither are the vast majority of things that takes partake in. It’s not harmful. Leave it be (and and stop thinking your OH is just great and the victim of a bossy ex, he sounds passive AF)

A child experiencing a parental split when non verbal will still have experienced that loss and separation. It can be harder to process actually because they can’t remember it -it may present as emotions rather than clear memories.
I would imagine that she is in need of additional comfort and reassurance and a dummy is a fairly benign way of getting that.

I had mine at night until I was six, decided I could do without it, put it out of reach for three nights and that was it. I started school at four and a half. No issues since.

Safe space? 😬