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Original poster

Worried about going to France with my extremely endowed DH

85 replies

MyPolitePlumEagle · 03/04/2024 06:06

We're flying into Nice airport this Summer and were planning on spending our time along the coast. Is the rule about speedos still active at everypool? I'm worried it could look indecent for DH and like he's excited even when he's totally at ease. tya

OP posts:
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Bimblesalong · 04/04/2024 09:34

But how about you, OP? I’m worried about You. Will you need a full row on the plane for your cowboy-walk legs? Will you need a special beach chair to relax on? Will we need specially darkened sunglasses for your megawatt smile?

Saschka · 03/04/2024 12:58

FlibbertyGibbitt · 03/04/2024 10:30

I’m on the dulls men’s club on Facebook. They always show a banana for scale. Perhaps op could do this with her dh in his speedos ?

But you’d have to stand so far back to get all of OP’s DH’s penis in shot, the banana would just be a small yellow dot on the horizon.

Perhaps he could use the Eiffel Tower for scale instead.

SabreIsMyFave · 03/04/2024 12:49

@PenguinLord 😂

PenguinLord · 03/04/2024 10:50

French women in Nice this summer when OPs husband turns up:

Excited I See You GIF by Originals
AutumnCrow · 03/04/2024 10:45

BeckyAMumsnet · 03/04/2024 09:18

<wonders if obvious bollocks is troll hunting when OP is about obvious bollocks>

Grin Well played

AutumnCrow · 03/04/2024 10:44

FlibbertyGibbitt · 03/04/2024 10:30

I’m on the dulls men’s club on Facebook. They always show a banana for scale. Perhaps op could do this with her dh in his speedos ?

But how do you know how big the banana is?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 03/04/2024 10:42

malificent7 · 03/04/2024 06:36

Bermuda shorts an option? Who wears speedos anyway?

They are mandatory at a lot of public pools in France. Dh once had to buy some specially - it evidently happened a lot since they sold them on site.
You’d think a nation usually renowned for elegance would take a different view of budgie smugglers!

FlibbertyGibbitt · 03/04/2024 10:30

I’m on the dulls men’s club on Facebook. They always show a banana for scale. Perhaps op could do this with her dh in his speedos ?

TinkerTiger · 03/04/2024 09:55

Yep. Definitely school holidays.

DonnaBanana · 03/04/2024 09:49

I find the French attitude very odd. Uptight about swimwear yet they dose out antibiotics at a seconds notice for anything and let children drink wine

Westfacing · 03/04/2024 09:41

Can he keep it in the cabin or is it so big it has to go in the hold?

Grin
Minfilia · 03/04/2024 09:40

Ginmonkeyagain · 03/04/2024 07:32

@Itwasafterallallaboutme The French have very strict swimming pool hygiene rules. No swimwear that can be worn as outdoor clothing (which rules out the longer, loose board short syle trunks British men often wear), mandatory showers before entering the pool and many municipal pools enforce the wearing of swimming caps.

Blimey, I never knew this!

we are planning a long road trip through France next summer and let’s just say DH doesn’t quite have the body to pull off a Speedo 😂

MrsClatterbuck · 03/04/2024 09:35

VestibuleVirgin · 03/04/2024 06:20

Can he keep it in the cabin or is it so big it has to go in the hold?
Do he have to have extra large people on the opposite side of the plane so that it doesn't list to one side?
When are you going to Nice? I ask because I am going in May, so, is there any danger he and his endowment will be striding down the Promenade des Anglais then ?

Edited

😂😂😂😂😂

MNHQ
BeckyAMumsnet · 03/04/2024 09:18

<wonders if obvious bollocks is troll hunting when OP is about obvious bollocks>

5128gap · 03/04/2024 08:22

I would recommend that for half an hour before he intends to swim he applies ice packs to the offending area. As an added precaution you should walk to the sea with him, shielding him with a towel. He may also want to wear one of the 'endowed not aroused' lanyards (with the symbol of a sleeping python on it?) I think they're available if he shows proof. Some men actually pin them to the area rather than wearing round their neck, which may give extra coverage.

TheCadoganArms · 03/04/2024 08:06

Elecrricmaracas · 03/04/2024 07:34

Are you implying that no French men possess enormous dongs?

Is that a baguette in your trousers or are you just pleased to see me?

ohlookimbackagain · 03/04/2024 08:04

TMI

ScroogeMcDuckling · 03/04/2024 07:58

Ginmonkeyagain · 03/04/2024 07:46

Apparrently Prince Albert had a piercing so he could use a ribbon to tie his manly endowment down so as not to offend in tight trousers. A posible solution?

I’ve learnt something new. Thank you

MrsWinkly · 03/04/2024 07:57

VestibuleVirgin · 03/04/2024 07:50

Stay away from your cucumbers...

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It's the courgettes that scare me...you turn your back for a nanosecond and they've become ginormous marrows 🌭(no marrow emoji so subbed in a hotdog)...

justaboutdonenow · 03/04/2024 07:57

Calm down Bragatha Christie!

IcouldbutIdontwantto · 03/04/2024 07:55

Itwasafterallallaboutme · 03/04/2024 07:11

I just had to check the date on the OP in case it was posted on the 1st April, but no, it is today's!

I'm sorry if I am being a tad unfriendly, but I am not even going to try to give PlumEagle any advice.

However, I did not know about this rule about speedos, is any kind person willing to tell me why the French would come up with such a mystifying rule?

I think (but this is based on my membership of a eurocamp Facebook group, and the answers people get if they ask on there, so in no way a official source) that it's to help keep the pools clean and stop men wearing their trunks like shorts all day, wandering round the town/ beach in them and then jumping in the pool. Speedos are likely on clean.

VestibuleVirgin · 03/04/2024 07:52

onemoremile · 03/04/2024 07:27

It is because board shirts and similar are likely to be worn as all day shorts and get grubby. The whole point of Speedo's is that no one in their right mind would wear them unless they're actually swimming.

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Have you been to Blackpool on a sunny day?!!!😀

Noyesnoyes · 03/04/2024 07:51

@MyPolitePlumEagle do you rent him out? Asking for a friend obviously!

VestibuleVirgin · 03/04/2024 07:50

MrsWinkly · 03/04/2024 07:13

I know...cursing my vivid imagination right now 🤔😖
Think I'll stick to the gardening chat for a bit, just until OP works out what to do about the possibility of the Gendarmerie swooping in on her DH 👀👮🚔

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Stay away from your cucumbers...

VestibuleVirgin · 03/04/2024 07:49

Itwasafterallallaboutme · 03/04/2024 07:11

I just had to check the date on the OP in case it was posted on the 1st April, but no, it is today's!

I'm sorry if I am being a tad unfriendly, but I am not even going to try to give PlumEagle any advice.

However, I did not know about this rule about speedos, is any kind person willing to tell me why the French would come up with such a mystifying rule?

Asking the French for an explanation for anything is like asking for a vegetarian andouilette. Ain't gonba happen!
That's why France is brilliant