Too soon to get engaged?

22 year old dd is dating and going to nandos on the 3rd date was seen as too much commitment by the young man 😳

honestly it seems like boyfriend/girlfriend is the new engaged

My DH and I got engaged 6 months after we started dating and have been together for 35 years.
One DD got engaged after 1 year and other DD after 3 months! They are all still together.
You may not approve, but it is their life.

You clearly have reservations and don’t think this guy is the right one for your sister. However it’s her life and decision to make. When I met my husband at age 39 I was a divorced single mum. I had dated a fair bit on and off for 5 years (not in front of my children, in my child free time) and had vowed off of ever marrying again and didn’t really see myself finding anyone to share my life with. However I met my now husband and we were married 18 months later. I’m sure plenty thought we were moving too fast and had opinions, but they didn’t really air them. 7 years down the line we are very happy and definitely made the right decision. Sometimes you just know.

Exactly what I posted earlier on! I'm glad I don't date today when expecting respect is seen as unusual.

I am bemused that “being exclusive” straight away is seen by OP as part of moving quickly. That used to absolutely be the norm!

We got engaged a week after our second anniversary and married a few months later. Ours was a lockdown relationship so maybe a bit fast forwarded due to that. But I am 44 and dh a bit older, and we just didn't want to waste time really-and we felt we knew what we wanted. All going well so far...

YABU on length of time. I met DH in Nov '02 and we got married Oct' 03. Been married 20 years now. It's not all been plain sailing, I doubt anyone's marriage is - but he's a basically good guy (I'm not perfect either!). If this guy isn't a good guy, there's more at stake but your sister needs to make her own decisions and live by them.

From your update I wonder if the real concern isn't 2 years to discuss engagement, but that with a small gap from a big break up, she's settled with a man she met online who is immature and puts her down.

We did the same only we got married after being together for two years. We're still married after over 20 years.

I put YABU about the timeline but having seen your update if your AIBU is "AIBU to not want my sister to marry someone who belittles her intelligence?" the answer is YANBU.

December 23 after a big break up perhaps but December 22 - perfectly okay.

Your update shows your real concerns. Have you spoken to your sister about the fact he belittles her? Is it worse in private? Say it makes you feel uncomfortable and you worry that it will get worse in the future.

I think you're being very unreasonable. I knew within a month of meeting my husband that he was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Most of my friends who married their partners also knew quickly that they wanted to get married. Two years seems like a very long time.

FFS

So the actual question is ‘AIBU not to want my sister to marry someone who puts her down and doesn’t respect her?’

Why people can’t give the relevant information in the OP is beyond me.

I was 26… met my husband on X… he proposed X+365… we were married X+365+365. We’re celebrating our 20th next year.

You sound patronizing @SleepyHollowed84

Engaged after 3 weeks together and married after 8 months 44 years ago. My children are outraged.

@SleepyHollowed84 nah you want whats best for you, for her

2 years is pretty standard imo.
DH moved in together at 3 months.
Bought a house and were engaged at 1yr.
Married and pregnant at 2yrs.
Pregnant with 2nd at 3yrs.

Your sister is right, when you know, you know.

DH proposed after four months of dating. We got married a year after that - 34 years ago.

People who aren’t ‘exclusive’, who don’t go out with one person at a time - they are the problematic ones not those behaving like grown ups

You'd think I was barking then 🤣 My husband moved in after three weeks, we were engaged within 10 months, had one child by year 3, another in year 4 and celebrated 11 years together this year. Married for just over 3 (kids took over!). Still very much in love. YABU.

I meet my husband in january 2013 and married in january 2014. Engaged to him just 4 months after we meet. Now we’ve been married for 10 years. Hardly any argument, very content and happy married.

meanwhile my friends been with his boyfriend for 8 years and the marriage only last 6 months.

so its no way to know. Its the person and maybe some luck and fate.

My husband and I got engaged 3 months after we met and married 6 months later. We were married for 25 years, 3 fabulous children. Definitely no regrets

If your sister’s BF is an arsehole that’s a separate valid concern to your unreasonable judgment on their engagement.

I got out of a 6 year relationship and met Dh a few weeks later and got engaged after 5 months & now married (nearly 2 years together)

We were engaged after 6 months together, been married 21 years. My husband told his parents (I only found this out later) after a couple of weeks of seeing me that he'd met the girl he wanted to marry ❤️