Would you stay at a date for 4 hours if you weren't interested?

When i first started OLD i would have stayed, and did...for hours even if i knew it was a no. You do grow thicker skin as you go on. I would only do coffee now, easier to leave if no alcohol involved. Its only been a day anyway. Tbh im straight forward...id text and ask straight out. You want to go out again, np if not 😁

On top of what PP have said, it is sadly true that some men seek out weaker characters they can manipulate, to make themselves feel powerful. If he senses you've got a strong personality/ goof support network and probably wouldn't put up with BS he'll know you won't put up with him. He probably thought you were some doormat and got a surprise.

This is absolutely true. My experience of single men in their 30s is that most of them don’t want an equal but someone who ‘needs’ them and who they can feel superior to, in some way. It’s pretty depressing, but I would rather stay single than play down my achievements and personality for the sake of a man’s ego.

I think it would be useful for context OP, if you said when this date was?

I just wish people would be upfront in this situation as it can leave a horrible feeling for the person being brushed off. I'd much rather prefer a message the next day saying it was lovely to meet but I don't feel I want to take it further because I didn't feel a connection/realised I am not yet over last relationship etc. Rather than just going a bit quiet, it leaves you thinking what did I do?? I never really did online dating but I did go on a date once and just didn't feel any spark in person, so the next day I just sent a polite message to say so and that was it. I think you may well hear from him again in a few days or weeks though op. He hasn't blocked you, he may be trying to keep his options open.

That might be it. He also might be seeing someone else. He might not know if you liked him back and wants to see if you text (if so, immature). There might be a million reasons but you just need to process your disappointment and move on sadly

Based on my experience it could be:-
—He was hoping for sex that night
I once had a really long date with a guy I already knew from work. It went just as you described. Then he brushed me off and didn’t want to do it again. From what I later found out about him, he totally did it with the hope of sex.
-Ego strokes.
-Very sociable and likes to talk
-Not looking for a relationship but otherwise liked you
-Was looking for a relationship but didn’t think you were compatible long term. I’ve turned down second dates for this reason. Reasons on my list of experiences: Wanted kids (I don’t want any more kids); differences in political /social issues views; didn’t like cats; was literally a pirate; revealed they had a fetish…
Thought they were pretty great apart from that. I’ve certainly had some other terrible dates and it’s easy to feel grateful when one goes pleasantly.
-People pleaser

i guess be glad he enjoyed your company and that you’re not compatible. I empathise that it’s difficult when you don’t know why. I once went on a date that went pretty well and at the end he didn’t say goodbye- he just walked off in a different direction! Can you maybe think of anything you don’t like about him? I’ve gone on way too many second dates I shouldn’t have. Maybe mutual friends will eventually spill the beans.

Hmm I think the fact he's told a friend he finds you attractive doesn't tell you much.
Even if he didn't he's unlikely to declare that to a mutual friend.
There's a difference between someone saying "oh wow she's absolutely gorgeous, so attractive" and saying 'yes' to the question "do you think she's attractive Dave?"

The dates I've been on where we've had a great time and connected but I just haven't 'felt it' or the fella hasn't been my type I can honestly say they were all decent looking guys, maybe conventionally attractive. So id admit to them being attractive but not being my kind of attractive.

How refreshing to hear a woman who instantly accepts reality instead of desperately hoping the guy has lost his phone or been temporarily kidnapped by a unicorn. If he wants you, you'll know.

I'm so fucking glad I don't have to date anymore. Not in a "oh I'm so smug because I've found someone" way. I'm now just permanently doing life as a single woman.

This happened to me earlier this year, OP. My best date in months - so much to talk about, so much chemistry, even hints at what we can do for a second date, then….nothing. Just that curt reply and no effort to keep the conversation going / suggest a second meet up, like you describe.

I tried to move past it quickly but when giving it some more thought, I think he was put off by the fact I have my own flat whereas he rents. Depressing that that could put a man off.

Yes I would.
I've met some interesting fun people with good conversation that I just wasn't romantically interested in. (Online dating so had to make it to the date to find that out)

Married?

Maybe there was no spark but he was having a great time.

I’d think that he thought it was going well and it would result in sex. You’ve dodged a bullet. Next!

Could be any reason, but that reason is a good one. Better not to start a relationship if you aren't a match there.

Women do all sorts of silly shit too, let’s not forget that 😅

People are twats, not just men.

Yup. Pre DH, I had many an enjoyable date with chaps who just didn’t make the cut, for some reason (it could be anything from poor table manners to not knowing what the Bechdel test was). Didn’t stop me from enjoying the date(s), but they got a ‘thanks, but no thanks’ message the next day.

Lack of a hug should have told you there and then @Toomuch33. He enjoyed your company but the spark wasn't there so it went no further.

Me too.

I think you've confused a lot of us by implying in your first post that you were miffed he hadn't called or messaged you the next day, rather than (if I've picked it up correctly from later posts) you did speak to him but that he didn't want to go for another date.

However, If I met someone for the first time and was having a nice evening, I'd stay and talk, yes. But there are LOADS of people i could happily spend time with for the evening, that I don't "click with" in a romantic way.
If you (or both of you) are looking for a relationship, then there isn't much point in him stringing you along, if he just felt the 'spark' wasn't there.
Doesn't mean you cut the evening short and go home early after an hour though - might as well have a pleasant evening as you are out.

How did he turn down the suggestion of a 2nd date?

Honestly? When I was young I would have. Because my primary motivation was to please, make sure they had a good time and that they liked me. Pretty much everybody thought they had loads in common with me, because I would just read them, and be who they wanted me to be. This is more common behaviour in women, but I've known it in men too.

hoping for sex