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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want To Work while DS rests after Op

34 replies

Charliesunnysky10 · 02/04/2024 18:27

I took my 16 year old son to hospital Easter Monday with stomach cramps - he was admitted after being diagnosed with apendicitis and had surgery to remove it today. He's still quite poorly post op - the wait in A&E wiped us both out and I've just had a rollercoaster few days. I called my boss from A&E Majors yesterday to ask if I could work from his bedside - I reconcile accounts, and DS had a cubicle. I have no leave left as my DF had an op in Jan and I took my remaining 2 weeks off to care for him. He said it wasn't appropriate. I explained I have no leave left and am struggling financially so can't afford to take unpaid leave. He said not to worry about today and to focus on DS, which was nice, although a little ambiguous. I feel sick at the thought of leaving DS here tomorrow and Thursday - he will be in at least until then. We've no family nearby. The nurses are lovely but he's on a busy ward and the nurses can't be everywhere. I've been here to help him drink, keep him comfortable and reassure him. He's missing his girlfriend, sports, and knows it'll be a few weeks before he can train again. He's in a side ward and I messaged my boss again to ask if i can work in his room. He said that he's already explained it's inappropriate. I know I've had little sleep which isnt helping but I feel so anxious and stressed. I just want to be able to work and be here for DS these next couple of days. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
ChedderGorgeous · 02/04/2024 18:43

Depending on what you do, the other thing is that no one in the ward (paeds or adults depending on local policy) will want to hear you on calls, working. Quite frankly they are also unwell and needs rest. If the side room is sound proof, can you be interrupted by nurses / HCAs and doctors walking in whenever , would that be professional ? I side with your boss on this.

Crazyclover · 02/04/2024 18:39

Do you have a compassionate leave policy at work?

Original poster
Charliesunnysky10 · 02/04/2024 18:38

@Hoplittlebunnyhophophopandstop I'll ask if I can do that. I'm even mote worried he'll not be able to cope at home Friday

@Tatas I feel like I've shot myself in the foot giving the hospital info. I could have said DS is sick and although I'm office based, I think he'd be okay with me WFH.

OP posts:
Anotherillnes · 02/04/2024 18:37

Sorry it sounds really hard but Yabu. It isn’t a workplace. As you say you are there doing things for your son and ready even he is asleep. It would need to be unpaid leave. Either that or you go to work. See how your DS is. Give the staff your number in case he is distressed. Ask him and the nursing staff how he was and reassess for any other working days.

Livinghappy · 02/04/2024 18:35

What is your relationship usually like with your boss?

I think you have to accept his stance on not working at the bedside and focus on some flexibility such as WFH and go to the hospital for a few hours, middle (long lunch) or end of day.

Whilst I completely understand your worry he is 16 and can communicate with you by phone to check in during the time you are not there. Where is his Dad?

Does the hospital have set visiting hours as I didn't think they would like you there all the time as visitors do disrupt other patients. I know when I was in hospital I welcomed the non visiting hours so I could rest.

Mrsttcno1 · 02/04/2024 18:33

YABU to expect to be able to do what I assume is quite sensitive work in a public place, yes. My employer also would not allow that.

You can take parental/dependent leave though to give yourself the time off to be with your child.

Noyesnoyesok · 02/04/2024 18:33

I should imagine your son will be discharged tomorrow. Quite usual nowadays post op appendix to be home next day.If so , you could probably work from home for this week.

Tatas · 02/04/2024 18:29

I would say YANBU to request clarity on the "don't worry" comment.

I do think YABU to be working at your child's bedside in hospital, it's just not an appropriate workplace - you're not going to be on your best form, able to concentrate or in a calm environment to work efficiently. Some companies (mine!) have rules on being able to work in public places too, it's just not allowed.

Hoplittlebunnyhophophopandstop · 02/04/2024 18:28

The only other option I can suggest is borrowing from next year’s holiday allowance. They may not allow it.