AIBU to go off sick before I am?

I had a role that due to the amount of work which caused me lots of stress I came close to burnout. I arranged to change role, so didn't take sick leave. However it took me a couple of years to recover. Anything a bit stressful in my next role would spike anxiety. Even if nothing stressful was happening I'd get down days or a horrible feeling in the evening when I was relaxing and didn't have anything to distract me. I think I'm still a bit more anxious than I was when younger but now cope with work fine again (and have been promoted since) and haven't had any noticeable down days for a year or so I think. It takes time to retrain your brain not to overreact once the source of the stress is removed. So perhaps some of it is a hangover from last time, coupled with not having time for yourself. I work part time but don't have to do childcare on my day off which I really need as time to myself.

I’ve recently done exactly this. I took a week off sick because I could feel burn out coming and, having done the opposite and powered through several years ago, resulting in a breakdown and nearly a year out of work, I’m just not doing that to myself again.

For me, because I’ve caught it early this time, that week has completely sorted me out. I pretty much slept and watched TV the entire time - just a complete mind shutdown - and it worked. I feel ready to return and strong enough to put some boundaries and self care back into my routine. I had to step off the treadmill and rest my frazzled brain before I could think clearly enough to do that.

If you need it, do it.

OP, take time off. You need and deserve to put yourself first. They’d replace you in an instant but to your family there is only one you. Don’t let yourself get worse. Even if you just give yourself a week, to see how you go

Why did you have to advance search her? This is why I name change so much.

It sounds like you’re on a treadmill of life with no break. Work doesn’t sound like the root cause. You need to sort out some downtime in a normal day. Do you do anything nice just for you? Hobbies, exercise, anything fun?

I have the greatest sympathy and completely understand the need for a break but if you go off sick suddenly it will really affect clinical care of patients.

For everyone saying just take the time off I hope they all consider that when their NHS appointment is canceled or postponed for the nth time or are complaining about waiting lists and bad management.

Could you have an open and honest conversation with your manager and see if there is a solution that would help you but also mitigate problems with service delivery ? You then can also talk about how to prevent this building up in the future !

When you take sick leave because you're physically ill, you don't only take it when you have something life threatening, do you? You take it when it's making you feel too rough to work, so that you can rest and get better quicker.

Similarly, you don't have to wait until you're at crisis point before you're "ill enough" to take sick leave, just because it's mental health not physical health. If you feel like time off will help you get better, that's what sick leave is for, if you ask me...

How much rest will you actually get when you go sick? Will you still be doing all the school runs, wife work and general mental load?

Your post really resonates with me; at times while reading it felt like we’re living parallel lives. I think we’re in very similar professions and our day-to-day are strikingly similar!

I was going to write a whole bit etc. but all I think that matters right now, is your well-being. Take the time off. Sleep, eat, rest, have a bath, do the admin that’s keeping you up at night. Whatever it is, take the time you need. I bet if any of your colleagues came to you with this, you’d likely advise them to do the same without hesitation.

Give yourself the same grace you would to others. You deserve it! And if you need any further encouragement, remember how you care for yourself, serves as an example for the little ones around us on how to prioritise self-care.

Take care 💐

Have you had a blood test recently?

Something as simple as a large vitamin deficiency can cause this sort of anxiety, brian fog & exhaustion.

I still think you should take leave but get a blood test too.

When was the last time you did something for yourself? And by yourself I mean something that was of no benefit to anyone else? How often do you take that time?

Just because to the outside you have an “easy” life that doesn’t necessarily make it easy. You are balancing being mum,wife and employee- in a challenging and draining environment. That is a lot to juggle! And I’m sure the cleaning and washing and cooking and shopping all do themselves too!!

You’re allowed to be burnt out and tbh I’m not surprised if you only use annual leave to look after the kids and never actually get any break for yourself!

Gently @Ihaveneedofwaternear and you don’t have to answer this but when you did you psychological therapy did you manage to explore the cause of your anxiety as well as coping mechanisms?

it may be helpful to get someone to sit down with you and work out a plan of what you do on work days, what you do on non work days and time for you. (I was taught this by someone who told me they needed to help me get back to being me and I needed to leave work at work and not shut down completely from everyone. He was wise)

Honestly I actually KNOW when I am likely/going to need a break so I book annual leave for those times so I don’t feel overwhelmed and end up sick.

It sounds to me in the here and now that it is too late at this point for you to do this and taking some time off sick/unpaid/leave whatever is necessary for your mental health.

take the time. Get back on track and then work on regular time off for YOU

and don’t be hard on yourself.

what do you do on your two days off?

I think you need to rethink your job. Part time and family life burning you out? It’s not you’re not handling life it’s that you need to rethink it all and what you are doing.

My lovely friend is covering another staff member who is burnt out. She’s completely done in but she refuses to take time off due to the nature of the job. If the other person moved on then someone else could step in. I’m all for putting yourself first but you also need to make choices where you’re not affecting others around you.

Yes I do on the whole. The exercise and drinking has slipped a little, but I'm able to recognise when this happens and get back on it. Fortunately for me, my employers were incredibly supportive and just had my best interests at heart and that made a massive difference / allayed the guilt I felt.

You can self certify for a week or go to GP with anxiety concerns

Or if you take the hit finance wise you can take unpaid parental leave for a weeks holiday e.g. during school hols and then use your AL as needed? I had 3 days of AL to take and took 8 weeks of Friday afternoons off (3hrs per week) depending on your situation you might be able to use that time to do some regular self care? Not much but might be good for a run, a decent bath and book etc

I don't think yabu. I had an episode of anxiety, I was off work for nearly 3 months. When I look back now, I could see it building. I've learnt the triggers, I took a week off not long ago as I could see what was happening. Luckily, that week off calmed me down, and I was able to go back to work sooner.