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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask if anyone else who has a child that plays football experiences so much twattery?

114 replies

YaMuvva · 02/04/2024 14:55

My 7yo DS plays football every week - training on Saturdays followed by a match at the arse crack of dawn every Sunday. 10yo DD used to do the same until last year when she decided to stop.

I’m absolutely supportive of my children’s hobbies but I’m totally fed up of turning up on cold, windy wet morning to have the experience ruined by other adults.

Regular problems I’ve seen for years include:

  • Opposing team having much older children playing in matches. Three weekends on the bounce I’ve seen children who are aged 10-11 playing in DS’s Under 7 team. Our team works really above board and the coaches are sticklers for the rule so despite the progress they always move a child up to the correct group and never let them play down. Other coaches seem to want to just win no matter what - some of the kids practically have facial hair
  • Screaming parents at the side of the pitch. Especially when they try to overrule the (volunteer) ref or just become overbearing and bossy towards kids. Im very much of the opinion that at this age it’s supposed to be fun and think it can’t be fun to watch your parent bellow instructions from the side of the pitch.
  • when parents get overly involved in what the kids are doing. Every week someone marches over at half time to tell their kid what they should have been doing. If you want to do that volunteer to be a coach!
  • Dogs being brought to games and being allowed to bark, shit and bother people. I’ve seen dogs piss up the bag of footballs, try and chase the ball and going to nip other dogs or children. What’s the point when you aren’t even walking them they’re just standing there?
  • Younger children being allowed to roam free. On Sunday a toddler who can’t have been older than 2 was wandering on the pitch during warm ups and the mum got huffy when a ball hit him. It isn’t daycare!

DS’s coaches are amazing and they have the patience of Saints. They are volunteers who put huge amount of efforts into many teams and I feel angry for them that they have to tolerate this rubbish too.

Is it just me? Or is this just grassroots football? I’ve started to say things but I’m conscious that I don’t want to make enemies!

OP posts:
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Fuzziduck · 05/04/2024 17:26

KickHimInTheCrotch · 02/04/2024 21:11

My DS plays for an U9 team. He's on the verge of quitting due to how rough some if the opposition teams are. DS is average height but very slim and light and some of the kids from nearby areas are extremely overweight and ate basically just taught to use their bulk to their advantage. Most matches DS goes flying due to being shoved, grabbed, pushed and ends up sprawled in the mud and covered in bruises. Luckily he loves cricket too so I'm hoping to get him into that more as he gets older as there's less physical contact.

The teams with the fattest kids also have parents who happily sink 3-4 cans of cider each while watching their kids play and the smell of weed smoke is also very noticeable.

Stop it! Drinking during the game. I've heard it all now. They can't manage an hour, 2 hours tops??

ticktickticktickBOOM · 03/04/2024 21:24

That sounds about right actually @deeprealisation. I think that's what I've seen happening.

troppibambini6 · 03/04/2024 20:50

I've heard off this kind of thing but not really witnessed myself. Our club/league stand no messing at all. I have three that play U9, U10 and U13.
They can't put other/older players in as every player has photo ID and it's checked at the started of the match (unless a friendly)

My daughter played one team and the parents were vile. One screamed at her daughter "if she's gonna play rough fucking take legs out" she was talking about a perfectly legitimate tackle from my daughter.
The coach put in a complaint and they didn't end up in our league.

whiteboardking · 03/04/2024 19:59

@ticktickticktickBOOM my experience is those smaller clubs set up when the bigger clubs won't tolerate certain coaches and groups of parents. They then go off and set up own clubs so they can do what they like. Overly competitive coaches, trials for 8 year olds, over invested parents.

WonderingWanda · 03/04/2024 19:42

My ds quit, the parents were just as described but to be honest the coach was even worse.

User135644 · 03/04/2024 19:40

YaMuvva · 03/04/2024 18:02

Perhaps to dilute the toxic masculinity? Women aren’t fragile flowers, we can handle it - and judging by the many professional women football players I’ve seen they handle everything FAR better than men - I LOVE watching football but now find the men’s game unbearable to watch because they’re either shit, melodramatic or behave like bratty toddlers. Women’s football is far more entertaining

Show quote history

The more popular women's football gets, the more money it generates, the more they'll start acting like the men.

Football brings the worst out in people.

Herewegoagainandagainandagain · 03/04/2024 19:34

YaMuvva · 03/04/2024 18:06

Yes the coaches are aware of the age issue.

Thing is these people are not paid. And challenging Scally parents effing and blinding at the side of a pitch is probably not worth their time or the thump they’ll probably get. Look at what @CurlewKate husband endured - I don’t think it’s fair to say coaches are shit if they don’t double as bouncers/police officers

Show quote history

When you accept a position where you are responsible for child’s safety whether you are paid or not is irrelevant.

The game should not go ahead if there are 10-11 year olds playing against under 7s and the coach, and for that matter the parent too (if aware), is shit if they are purposely putting the kids at risk of significant injury in a very physical contact sport. They should both be ashamed.

It is absolutely the clubs/coaches responsibility to deal with conduct issues by having zero tolerance in their own club, and reporting incidents in teams they play against.

PingPongPiddlyPong · 03/04/2024 18:52

There was recently a safeguarding breach at a match we were at.
Parents were told to stop filming on their phones. Their reply was “we’ll do what the fuck we like.”
Club has now been reported to the FA for investigation.

JustShout · 03/04/2024 18:44

Playing down an age bracket is a real problem for us locally with rugby / especially when the obviously older ones are clearly used to tackling!

We don't have the other problems though. And v grateful for it. Local football sounds very aggressive.

ehb102 · 03/04/2024 18:27

I'm a coach for girls U9s and I've not experienced any of the above. Parents shouting instructions, yes, but we all do it in our excitement and the kids don't listen. Boys football seems to be different.

Goingsomewhere · 03/04/2024 18:16

I've had to pull my son out of Saturday football club because the bullying and heckling by other kids was so bad that he was crying every week. The coaches did nothing.

elgreco · 03/04/2024 18:15

Get him to take up rugby. They don't tolerate any of that shit.

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 03/04/2024 18:09

I have been trying to get my dd to play for a team but she is happier swimming for her club- after reading this, l think l will let sleeping dogs lie!

Boomer55 · 03/04/2024 18:06

I did this over 30 years ago with my son. Cold, wet mornings.😳

The kids were fine, some of the parents were awful.🙄

Original poster
YaMuvva · 03/04/2024 18:06

Herewegoagainandagainandagain · 03/04/2024 17:26

Honestly your club sounds horrific, badly run and dangerous.

DS’s coaches are amazing

I wouldn't say they were "amazing" if they are allowing your dc to play against kids 3-4 years older than them. That is a significant safety issue that should be sorted out or refuse to play/report the other team. If I could not trust coaches with the basics like my child's safety I would be withdrawing them from the club. It is really unacceptable. Have you raised this risk with the coaches?

"Amazing" coaches should also be setting the tone for the parents and asking them to leave if they are not behaving appropriately or putting children at risk.

Unfortunately there are too many volunteer coaches that get the label "amazing" for just turning up when they have no clue of their responsibilities when coaching children.

Yes the coaches are aware of the age issue.

Thing is these people are not paid. And challenging Scally parents effing and blinding at the side of a pitch is probably not worth their time or the thump they’ll probably get. Look at what @CurlewKate husband endured - I don’t think it’s fair to say coaches are shit if they don’t double as bouncers/police officers

OP posts:
Original poster
YaMuvva · 03/04/2024 18:03

CurlewKate · 03/04/2024 17:11

You wait until your child becomes a referee. The abuse my 14 year old got from adults was appalling.

Awful!!

OP posts:
Original poster
YaMuvva · 03/04/2024 18:02

User135644 · 03/04/2024 16:59

Football is full of toxic masculinity. I don't know why there's so much push to get women into football.

Show quote history

Perhaps to dilute the toxic masculinity? Women aren’t fragile flowers, we can handle it - and judging by the many professional women football players I’ve seen they handle everything FAR better than men - I LOVE watching football but now find the men’s game unbearable to watch because they’re either shit, melodramatic or behave like bratty toddlers. Women’s football is far more entertaining

OP posts:
MrsAvocet · 03/04/2024 17:55

I think there are bad apples in any sport, be that players, parents, coaches or officials. It may just be that as football is the most popular sport there are more such people and they are more noticeable. I coach another sport at a big Sports Centre that has a range of facilities including football pitches and I have to admit that I have seen and heard far worse behaviour on and around the football pitches than anywhere else in the centre. But then there are more footballers than the rest of us put together so maybe it is not completely surprising.
There must be lots of perfectly nice people involved in football though and if it's anything like the sports my DC have been involved in over the years, clubs can vary a lot in their ethos. One of my DC's plays hockey and the vast majority of teams they play are very friendly and inclusive with good behaviour on and off the pitch, but there are a couple that have reputations for being "dirty". I think a lot of it depends on the coaching team and the attitudes they engender so it's worth shopping around.
Unfortunately though, any competitive activity can bring out the worst in some people - I've even seen parents yelling at each other/their kids at classical music competitions on occasion so I don't think any activity is totally immune from push parents and crazy coaches!

Herewegoagainandagainandagain · 03/04/2024 17:26

Honestly your club sounds horrific, badly run and dangerous.

DS’s coaches are amazing

I wouldn't say they were "amazing" if they are allowing your dc to play against kids 3-4 years older than them. That is a significant safety issue that should be sorted out or refuse to play/report the other team. If I could not trust coaches with the basics like my child's safety I would be withdrawing them from the club. It is really unacceptable. Have you raised this risk with the coaches?

"Amazing" coaches should also be setting the tone for the parents and asking them to leave if they are not behaving appropriately or putting children at risk.

Unfortunately there are too many volunteer coaches that get the label "amazing" for just turning up when they have no clue of their responsibilities when coaching children.

Bert2e · 03/04/2024 17:18

This sort of behaviour is why we moved to rugby. Fewer feigned injuries, no arguing with the ref and better behaved parents.

Mamimoo · 03/04/2024 17:17

I promise you it gets worse op.

My DS plays U10s and is so disillusioned with it all, he’s saying he’s quitting at the end of the season so he can concentrate on another sport.

My Son has been sworn at by players on other teams, deliberately hurt. The nastiness is just ridiculous.

Competitive parents screaming at the sides, parents complaining to the coach because he’s not doing enough to turn their untalented child into the next Ronaldo. Parents swearing at their kids when they make a mistake or miss a goal.

Other teams not playing by the rules set out by the FAW.

I really hope DS does give it up like he says he’s going to. Football just brings out the worst in people.

Hoplolly · 03/04/2024 17:15

DH is a coach. He must have the patience of a saint because the parents are total pricks sometimes. Even the kids seem embarrassed.

CurlewKate · 03/04/2024 17:13

Also-my dh was a coach for years. He held a very firm line on conduct, sportsmanship and inclusivity. He was routinely shouted at and abused and actually thumped one night in the pub!

Meecrowavay · 03/04/2024 17:13

"Football is a gentleman's game played by hooligans, and Rugby is a hooligans' game played by gentlemen" - Winston Churchill