Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being called self centred because I'm not going to the wedding

209 replies

Whatisgoingonheredear · 02/04/2024 14:44

A friend is getting married very soon, quite a short notice wedding, my baby will be 8 months. The venue is 2 hours away. They've put on the invitations no children at all. Fine, their choice.

We RSVPd to let them know that one of us would come but due to it being no children, we couldn't both come. They proceeded to call us self centred, entitled(?), bad friends. They feel we should get childcare and attend the wedding 2 hours away.
I've explained I am simply not comfortable leaving an 8 month old while I am so far away, and if they would desperately like both of us to attend then they will have to accommodate babies at the wedding, however we understand their choice and therefore only one of us will be going as it is no children. Wished them a nice day and so on.

Since then we have been receiving regular messages asking if we have changed our position and letting us know we are really letting them down.

....surely, SURELY WANBU?

OP posts:
NotMyDayJob · 02/04/2024 15:58

I would now not be going because they are so bloody rude. Tell your DH not to be so wet.

calligraphee · 02/04/2024 15:57

These people sound awful! I would take them off my mental 'friends' list for good.

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 02/04/2024 15:56

Neither of you should go and stop being friends with these people. Anyone who insists that such a young baby should be separated from his parents is not only selfish but incredibly odd. Why would they want a baby to suffer? You’ve been more than reasonable offering for one of you to come but they clearly don’t care about anyone but themselves. I couldn’t be friends with people like this.

mondaytosunday · 02/04/2024 15:55

With friends like that...

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 02/04/2024 15:54

YANBU in the slightest.

They are perfectly entitled to a childfree wedding.

But they need to accept that a consequence of that is that some people wont be to or wont want to come.

RitaIncognita · 02/04/2024 15:53

I agree with all the other posters. My niece had a child-free wedding, but she really wanted us to be there, including my daughter, so she said daughter could bring her baby. If these people really want you there OP, they should do what my niece did.

ErrolTheDragon · 02/04/2024 15:53

It’s up to them how they want their wedding but couples must understand that sometimes the consequence of their choices like child free or doing it abroad etc means that for whatever reason some people won’t be able to attend.

Quite so. We recently had our first invitation to a wedding overseas (the bride's home country, not some random expensive beach type thing) - it came with a nice note saying they hoped we could come but they'd understand if we couldn't and that they'd be having a celebration later in the U.K. which they hoped we'd be able to attend. Lovely.Smile

Notreat · 02/04/2024 15:52

I would say now that neither of you could attend.
A wedding isn't a summons it's an invitation and of course you can turn it down.
Besides who does she expect to look after your baby?

YaMuvva · 02/04/2024 15:49

Fuck that OP. Neither of you go for these entitled arse holes. Save your money and get a takeaway instead.

Do you know what I find happens to these kinds of people? They go on to have a baby and behave like they’re the first people in the world to ever be parents and post on social media about how hard it is to be away from their kid with NO thought back on how they treated parent friends previously.

JungsWordTest · 02/04/2024 15:48

Well that's a nifty piece of projection on their parts, isn't it?

Original poster
Whatisgoingonheredear · 02/04/2024 15:46

Oh I forgot to say in my OP. They have 3 kids!

I don't think either of us should go but DH is on the fence, so he can go if he really wants to. I'm not. I get plenty of me time so this wouldn't be him getting a day off and me not, IYSWIM.

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 02/04/2024 15:38

At that point, the person who was attending should cancel.

the hosts are being rude.

When you host a child free event, some guests, especially those who are breastfeeding, will not be able to attend. It’s a trade-off the hosts can choose to make. Do they value the adults only event or certain guests attendance more? The answer is personal and depends on the particular guests. A sibling is probably more important than a friend from university.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/04/2024 15:35

If you have any sense at all you will ditch these self-absorbed dipshits. They are no friends of yours.

Ginkypig · 02/04/2024 15:33

It’s up to them how they want their wedding but couples must understand that sometimes the consequence of their choices like child free or doing it abroad etc means that for whatever reason some people won’t be able to attend.

i have no problem with either.
however a couple want to do their day or that sometimes that means not everyone they want being able to be there so I don’t understand why some people blow their top when that’s the outcome.

honestly op they sound exactly like the type of people I’d be happy to no longer have in my life!

DisforDarkChocolate · 02/04/2024 15:32

Both stay home, people like this aren't friends.

FiveLamps · 02/04/2024 15:31

I would change the RSVP to neither of you attending.

Nicebloomers · 02/04/2024 15:29

Couples having a child free wedding should be amply prepared for people to RSVP that they can’t attend.

ToxicChristmas · 02/04/2024 15:28

If my "friends" called me any of those things I'd be cutting them of entirely, not reconsidering childcare.

PotatoPudding · 02/04/2024 15:28

These people are not your friends. Don’t waste your time and money on them.

EIIaM · 02/04/2024 15:27

I mean you can say no for whatever reason you like, they are cheeky fuckers calling you anything.

Chatonette · 02/04/2024 15:25

People were unable to attend my wedding for various reasons. None of these people were belittled with phrases like, ‘selfish’, ‘entitled’, or ‘bad friends’.

ErrolTheDragon · 02/04/2024 15:06

I assume this person doesn't have kids yet?
No, of course you're not being unreasonable, putting your baby (not yourself) before a friend is entirely normal and reasonable. If they were really a good friend they'd understand that rather than bridezillaing at you.

murasaki · 02/04/2024 15:01

Often on here I see that a wedding invitation is precisely that, not a summons. I fully concur. They seem to think it IS a summons.

I definitely wouldn't go after all that, and nor would my partner.

Daffodilsarentfluffy · 02/04/2024 14:55

Just wait til she has a dc .. She will cringe looking back at her current behaviour..

Pootles34 · 02/04/2024 14:53

What a pair of dickheads. I bet when they have kids their little poppets will have to be the centre of the universe.