Being called self centred because I'm not going to the wedding

YANBU. They can chose a child free wedding but they can’t then moan if guests can’t attend because of it.

They have been exceedingly rude. However the invitation was to you and your dp. I think you both go or neither of you go. You should have declined and and left it at that.

The only time I’ve seen the B&G act so strongly to a decline is when they were getting lots of declines because their arrangements were asking too much of their guests and they were panicking. Either due to date, location, theme, cost etc.

Just decline respectfully, don’t over justify, and let them work it out for themselves.

If they fall out with you over it, it is their choice.

"no children" wedding sounds like people who decided on that are self-centred and they don't embrace their friends families.
+

What they stated...

= Honey, they are not your friends. You don't want entitled and rude friends who don't like your kids.

YABNU

Tell them you are flattered that your presence is deemed so pivotal.

Surely as long as the bride and groom are there, everyone else is on the periphery.

I would not be going on the basis that a self-centred entitled pair had decreed ME the self centred and entitled one.

I’m sorry they are being such idiots.

Of course you don’t want to be 2 hours away from an 8 month old baby. You are being loving parents to your baby, who obviously should and is coming first. It’s their choice to have a child free wedding but they have to accept it will mean some people cannot attend.

Personally, after the way they have treated you, we would all stay home.

I'd already said previously that I wouldn't be going to this wedding based on their response (if they really were that rude)

But most posts on Mumsnet about weddings seem to be people determined not to go to a wedding under any circumstances! I'd already seen to many threads when I was planning my wedding. I remember speaking to all my friends with kids about whether they would need/want to bring them and got a resounding 'hell no!'. Several people were disappointed it wasn't at a hotel as they wanted to stay. And even people close enough to go home didn't and got hotels or the like nearby.

I think it would be easier all round if the wedding haters made themselves known IRL. Then they could just not be invited in the first place.

Quite apart from your baby, are these people going to exclude their own three children from an event that should totally cement their family unit? I think that’s awful.

They sound like a pair of awful, tiresome drama llamas. I'd ditch them off completely if it were me.

Based on them harassing you I would change my response to not being able to attend to be honest. People are more than entitled to child free weddings but part of that is accepting that someone will need to stay at home with the kids potentially.

Mumsnetters are not pixels. We are real people who exist offline too.

If I found myself cajoling would-be guests to attend my wedding under duress (and who would even want to do that - what an awkward, miserable day that would be) I'd rethink my plans and elope.

Same here. However, I have never been invited to the sort of lavish wedding I read about on mumsnet and none of the brides have displayed anything remotely like bridezilla behavior.

In terms of not wanting babies - this is something I don't understand. I had children and a toddler at my wedding. I barely noticed that they were there. To be fair their parents were the kind that would have taken them out if they had misbehaved.

How bizarre! Definitely not BU OP!

I'm completely happy with no children weddings but our friends are aware this means you get one of us or neither of us (depending on location). We have no support nearby and a babysitter would cost us in excess of £250 (or more if overnight distance).

We have only had one friend stop speaking to us as a result (apparently we could have made something work when DS1 was 6 weeks old.....)

They don't sound like friends to me.

As the invitation was fairly short notice for you, I was wondering if they are now trying to fill places after some guests declined. And inviting a couple but only one of then coming is mucking up their plans

Yeah I'd be telling them they are incredibly rude and that would be the last time I spoke to them.
You don't get to call me names for putting my child first and keep me as a friend.

Why would you be "really letting them down"..are you the only people invited or something??
Obviously YANBU. Honestly I think people are getting more and more batshit crazy and entitled! (And by people I mean your so called friends! )

So would I. Stuff them!

Well they can fuck right off then! I would reply that I am too busy being self-centred to attend a wedding. It takes up all my time dontcha know?

I suspect you will not be as cheeky but how bloody dare they!!!

It would be fine for your friends to say they would really like you both to attend their wedding and they are sad that you can't. It is not at all reasonable that they call you names, even if they don't agree with your reasoning. I would be inclined to point out to them that their behaviour is making you re-evaluate the friendship.

It sounds like (subconscious) projection to me. They have internalised guilt about leaving their children when they were babies, and are covering that up by getting angry at you for not being willing to do the same. They perceive your decision to put your baby first as showing them up for failing to do the same.

Poor kids

Or... you could say.. you're starting to sound like one of those couples they talk about on mumsnet

Ah no it wasn't meant as arse crawling it was meant as a lovely card they'll be so torn about having it up on show or not