Being called self centred because I'm not going to the wedding

It’s so annoying when people assume that their choices are the only right one and all different choices are wrong. If they (and some other people in this thread) were comfortable to leave their children in the similar circumstances it’s neither here nor there. You don’t want to leave your baby, full stop.
A lot of people happily invite children for their weddings, why did they decide to go child free?

YANBU….but….

If a really close friend of mine wasn’t willing to try and get childcare to come to my wedding…I’d probably be a bit cheesed off. I do have kids and I still hate leaving them to go far away (and one’s about to start his GCSEs) but I would do it for a very dear friend, knowing that babies can be very well looked after without their mums for 24 hours.

✅

And all that's fine, you don't need to justify yourself at all!

Haven’t read all the replies but that would be enough to end the friendship. I wouldnt even have one of you go now. You dont ever question someone’s reason for not accepting an invite (that looks sad and desperate), but the fact you gave them a genuine reason and they still questioned it is awful. Many people dont have family nearby so will have never left a baby that young with anyone else - I would have a long hard think if they really are genuine friends.

We had this, then it turned out they didn’t want kids there because it would stop people getting pissed up like they used to 10 years ago. We didn’t go in the end and then we saw the photos and there were kids there 🙄

You are putting your 8 month old baby first, you have your priorities right so I say good on you OP because . I hope you continue to stand your ground with them, your little one is still a baby fgs and if I was you, I would tell them to take a long walk off a short pier.

Who in the right mind would try to separate a mother from their baby?

So don't let them intimidate you. If they really do your head in then block them to save your sanity, but stand by your decision as it's the right one. Babies MUST come first.

They proceeded to call us self centred, entitled(?), bad friends. And all because you can't both go to their wedding because of their insistence on: They've put on the invitations no children at all.

Oh, the irony.

I’d definitely not be going after all the shitty messages. I’d probably be blocking them and never bothering with them ever again!

They are reacting really bizarrely. Especially as we are talking about friends not close family here (unless perhaps they wanted you both to have roles or something). I'm going alone to a wedding soon as it's child free and although ours are much older the logistics for sorting childcare were tricky. I let the groom know I was delighted to accept the invitation but DH would stay home with kids, he replied with something along the lines of that's a shame but understandable, look forward to seeing you etc. Which is surely the only polite and normal response!

There may be an element of taking it as a slight on their parenting that they had left theirs for longer by that age maybe. People do seem to get very defensive and go on the attack if people make different parenting decisions to them sometimes. You see it on here a lot!

YANBU! There are indeed entitled people and bad friends in this, and they aren't you or your dh!!!

Nobody has the right to DEMAND that people should attend their celebrations, and a good friend will accept a friend's genuine inability to do so, whether because of finances, health, pre-existing commitments, or as with you, childcare. They certainly should not engage in tantrums, nagging and emotional blackmail about it. If it's that important to them that you should both come, then they should not insist that the wedding should be child-free. If a child-free wedding is that important to them, then they should accept that parents of young children, especially babies, may not be able to attend.

I had at first assumed that they were youngish, as yet childless people with no imagination, and might eventually learn better from experience; but I saw in your later post that they do have children, which makes it even more bizarre. All I can say is I'm sorry for their children!

I would reply
Dear Xxxxxx
I’m sorry you feel let down but to be honest so do we.
We were really looking forward to your wedding but as you’ve chosen to make it child free, and we have a tiny baby, we obviously can’t go now.
We re really upset by that but of course respect your choice.
We look forward to seeing the photos and hope you have a lovely time.

Card only
No present….job done

Just reply”I’m sorry you feel I’m letting you down. I’m not comfortable leaving my baby for that long”. Then add DH will/ not be able to attend.
whatever he decides to do, your relationship with these people is forever altered now with their criticism of your parenting

I presume you'll both decline now?

Why didn't you just decline in the first place or accept for one of you?

I wonder if they thought that your explanation was you hoping that they'd also invite your baby.

They've obviously handled it badly though.

And enjoy using the money saved on attending the wedding on a lovely day out for you all!

Ask if they've changed their minds on having children at the wedding.. if their answer is no explain your position also remains the same.

Yes politely tell them to stuff their wedding, or words to that effect. 😂

Yanbu. We chose a child free ish wedding, only our own and nieces and nephews were invited but with that we accepted some people wouldn't be able to make it.
Our choice and that carried a potential consequence

What vile selfish people.
unbelievable

Honestly, I would simply say that you don't like their behaviour so neither of you will now be going. I wouldn't even care if it ended the friendship as they are being so rude.

It all sounds like far too much hard work and farting about.

They have three children.

YANBU but they won't understand this until they have a child.

I think you have hit the nail on the head @NoTouch.

@Whatisgoingonheredear is this wedding two hours away because they liked the venue or because they live in the area? If it means that most people have to travel for two hours and stay in an expensive hotel I can see why they might have had a lot of people decline.

That is your circle, there are lots of different groups and types of people.

Some who love weddings enjoy hotels, I love a wedding but personally I can think of nothing worse being stuck in a hotel room nursing a hangover the day after a good wedding, not able to drive home until late afternoon.

Each to their own, any good host caters for the majority of their guests and respectfully accepts any who decline.

They sound like loopers.