Am I being selfish or stupid?

Glad you finally talked to him and resolved things OP. Take care of yourself and I hope the baby arrives safely.

Lovely update. I hope you're feeling less stressed now.

I think yab a bit u. Because it sounds like you are not really talking to him.

I think you should be ok with him being at a wedding 2h away when you are 35w, even high risk. But a compromise sounds like he should have the car and not drink so that if he's needed to come home he can. (I'm assuming here you have a car?) It will also mean he would be fine for your daughter's birthday the next day. No hangover.

I don't think it needs to be as black and white as go/don't go.

Spd is miserable. Sorry you're suffering.

I don’t think he should be drinking when you’re so far along. Hope you got this sorted x

OP would you feel better about talking to him if you phrased it as being worried about what will happen if you go into labour/your spd has worsened by 35 weeks/he can't get a lift back at a reasonable time to be back for DD's birthday prep? So you're not saying 'you can't go', more asking for help to allay your concerns? I would be really honest with my DH, 'I really don't want to be the reason you can't go but I'm worried about a, b and c' type conversation.

It's so frustrating to be put in this situation though, tbh your DH should be able to see it's not a good idea and it puts you in a shitty position when you have to be the one to point that out. But you should still point it out, it sounds like you're already pushing yourself too hard if you should be on bed rest and he obviously needs his eyes opening about where his priorities should be.

In that case I apologise OP. Unfortunately we read so many times about women on here who tell us how they're being kept short of money, have to do EVERYTHING around the house, a full time job, and are still expected to look after the kids, while the 'oh so lovey', DH sits on his arse doing nothing.

But it does make me cross, that if he's as lovely as you say he is, you don't feel you can tell him what you need, at such an important time. My DH is actually my carer, so does literally everything for me, but in your situation I wouldn't think twice about telling him how I felt and that I needed him to step up, and he wouldn't think twice about doing it. It's all very well for you to be magnanimous, when you've had your baby, and things are back to normal, even encourage him to go out with his mates, but for now, you need him, so please, just tell him.

I actually think now, that like so many who claim that their DH/partner is 'really lovely', that he's actually no such thing, and as often the case in this type of relationship, you are actually scared of talking to him for fear of him kicking off. If that's NOT the case, then I think you're being a bit pathetic, in not speaking up and telling him what you NEED!!

As for him getting a lift to the wedding with your neighbours, how on earth do you think he'll get home even if he stay's sober, as obviously the neighbours will be drinking, hence he would need to have a completely reliable, alternative way of getting back to you should he be needed.

I think the whole situation is ridiculous, and as parents of two children already, I would have expected a far more mature resolution to what in reality, is a very simple situation.

Here's what I suggest -

You TALK to your DH - tell him you want him to stay with you as you are feeling anxious about the pregnancy with everything that's going on at present, and really feel you need him with you. If he argues with this, then tell him you might think I'm being irrational, but it's the way I feel, and THAT IS WHAT'S IMPORTANT!

He then acts as a husband, and says 'OK sweetheart, no problem, it's only a neighbours wedding, and not even someone I talk to that often, I won't go.

THE END!

Tell him he can go but he’ll have to take the kids with him as you can’t manage them by yourself.

Did you say your dad will be coming to visit you for the day of your daughter's birthday? Could he come the day before and stay overnight so you have company? I understand you are unwell and worried and it must be very difficult to get bedrest when the children are off school and your DH is at work. It should be easier when they are back at school.

No he shouldn't be going to the wedding of someone he barely knows when he's needed at home. Why are you so worried about telling him you don't want him to go? It's obvious you need help if you're hobbling around on crutches heavily pregnant and looking after your other children! Just tell him he needs to stay home ffs!

To be honest you are not selfish but you are very unreasonable in my books ( and your partner as well) as I would expect you to say plainly that with all what’s going at home it’s a very bad idea to leave you and to go to a wedding “to chill out”. Family commitments should be a priority.

Tell him you’re worried, that the situation feels very precarious and relies on everything going smoothly at a late stage in pregnancy. No waters breaking, no contractions starting, etc etc. And don’t second and third pregnancies usually go early?
If he’s going you do need a plan B right there to have someone e.g. a friend / your dad come and be with you if he’s going to the wedding.
Men often don’t think sensibly about this stuff, it’s maddening.

This is an important point though OP - you’re having a child with this man. You need to be able to communicate with him, to say what your needs are.

Set out the situation to him in a calm conversation and find out what he proposes to do to make sure he is available and able if you go into labour. Ask him what he will do - might get him to put his brain into gear. And if he still can’t/won’t, make sure you have a backup person that you CAN rely on.

That's a really fair compromise. You're heavily pregnant, in pain and can't walk, and you have children together. It's either that or he doesn't go!

Why can't he go for the day (come back same day) and not drink any alcohol?

I think reasonable compromise is that he doesn't drink and drives

Absolutely this.

I wouldn't have a problem with him going but I wouldn't be happy with him drinking incase of an emergency.

If he's sober he can help with decorations etc when he gets home.

Fair for everyone I think.

The actual setup is irrelevant really. You're in significant pain and can't move, can't sort things out or properly look after the kids and you NEED him. That's the main thing.

But so what? He’s needed at home. We’ve all skipped things we’d have liked to have done when circumstances just didn’t allow. Who has taught you that it’s ok for you to suffer unnecessarily so that your husband can go to the wedding of someone he barely knows?