To not wait with my wife for her message?

Think your wife is probably overreacting bc she feels unwell. I get very snippy ( usually with myself as I live alone!) when I’m unwell.
Suggest she takes herself to a proper massage place or for a facial /nails while you look after both kids.

Exactly! If my DH suggested this I would say he can book a relaxing one another time. I also cba with sulking

Tell her to find a massage place, make an appointment and go.

Far more relaxing than in a shopping mall both kids...

My 80yr old mum did this last week, rang up, got an appointment for later that day and went.. no stress, no hassle

If my OH (male) goes into a sulk over something small I'm bright enough to realise its usually the result of something else. I figure out what and then decide if I think the sulk is justified or not. I'm pretty sure if OP digs deep he'll realise why his wife is so annoyed. Male/female is irrelevant. We've had a snapshot of the story from one perspective so it's impossible to judge who's being unreasonable. What happened during the rest of the shopping trip? What happened in the days/weeks leading up to the shopping trip?

It is a brave man that asks on MN if he IBU.

So what a pleasant surprise that on this thread, the majority of posters (well, 3/4 - which is a great improvement over some other threads) have actually read the posts, and given opinions on the situation rather than just declared he is wrong just because he is a man.

Spoiler alert - you never will. I hope all these vile, poisonous women who will happily overlook a woman’s abusive behaviour and excuse it as “stressed, tired, hormonal, a mothers life being a death by a thousand papercuts” (which is an AWFUL thing to say about your kids no matter how stressful they are) do not have sons or decent husbands because after the victim blaming I have seen on this thread I honestly don’t know how they can look them in the eye. It disgusts me to the core that there is such an inequality of protection from abuse towards men as there is for women. I’m hoping it’s just some of the cranks of MN and in real life people aren’t this dense and spiteful towards good men. Abuse is something I cannot tolerate from any human regardless of sex. I hope these women who think they are “strong, emotionally balanced and self righteous women” who will break down a good-hearted man for no reason other than the fact he has a penis will realise how weak and insignificant they really are. Rant over.

They were on a shopping trip! If the OP said “oh I’m just taking 15 mins to watch the end of this football match on tv” I suspect the consensus would not have been “ok let me take the kids for wander round the shops while you enjoy yourself” -more likely ‘no chance. Cmon let’s go home’

I would love to see just one post where someone says 'well I don't blame your husband giving you the silent treatment for days on end because you should have guessed he didn't like what you cooked for dinner anymore' as opposed to wahhh emotionally abusive immature twat ltb right away you deserve better

Agreed

How is your relationship generally? This one incident seems over blown but sometimes it is death by a thousand paper cuts and this pushed her over the edge.

It is entirely predictable that leaving your DD in the queue would end like this. You passively allowed your DD to chose to stay so your DW would have to be the bad guy and tell her she wasn’t wanted or suck it up and try to make it work with a child in tow.

Not a major deal usually but if you’re generally a bit lacking in forethought and empathy and she’s exhausted by it all it’s not surprising she’s upset.

The issue is not you not waiting with her for her company sake but that you didn't take dd with you and wife just wanted prb 10 mins of peace only to be interrupted by whiny child in queue whilst you waltzed around the shops having a nice time. So yes she has every right to be annoyed at you. Book her a proper massage in a proper place for some leave and quiet to make up for it.

She’s nuts and if anyone sees it another way they’re just being ridiculous. Sounds like you have 3 children not 2.

I was wondering why you would have to wait at a stall for a mEssage🤣🤣🤣

I asked DD is she wanted to wait in the queue

Mistake right there, how did you think your wife was going to have a massage with a 7 year old in tow? You should have just taken DD with you and your son.

Just find a proper place and get the details, let her have the number and tell her to book it and you will drop her/pick her up. Not sure how your finances work but if you paid for it as well (not out of any joint monies if that is possible) bonus points.

OP. Your wife must be awful to live with and you sound endlessly patient. Book yourself a massage to destress from her bad behaviour.

This.

She shouldn't be sulking and that is pretty shitty behaviour. But I've been that woman who is just exhausted and just wants DH to step up and bloody THINK and ANTICIPATE for once, without me having to do it all.

Your wife should have made it clear she expected you to take both children, also let the kids know that Dad was taking them.

Maybe she didn't want to do the thinking/organising(for once?)

Sometimes you just want to say "this is what I'm doing for the next few minutes" & that be your only input.

People who use silent treatment to control others are totally unreasonable, and it isn´t the OP. Can´t stand moody people. She has a mouth so she could have told her daughter to move off. Like she had a mouth when she decided to have a massage in the middle of a family shopping trip. Weird in the extreme. So OP, no I do not think YABU. Don´t know how you put up with this. I would get on with my usual life until she is over her toddler strop.

Spot on. I mean, really. What did OP think was going to happen when it got to be his wife's turn in the chair? Who was going to watch the child then if he'd disappeared with the other one?

But, at the same time, she is unreasonable to be sulking over it and treating you this way. She's a grown up. She should have used her words at the time (to ask you to take both children away) and she should use them now (to apologise for blaming you when she could have spoken up as well).

People don't get those chair massages for a relaxing treat like spas, more like to sort out a knot or pull. She's unwell and might not have chance to go there again any time soon.

Also, they're in a shopping centre not stood on the side of a road - why all the bellyaching about the kids and op 'waiting around' for the mum. It's an extra 15 minutes in the place they've chosen to go. No indication in op that the kids were desperate to leave when wanted to take her 10 minutes.

I mean, yeah, however you slice it, why didn't the wife phone him and tell him to come and get DD? It's not fair to say he should have taken her straight off, as she may have waited fine. It's not like DW spoke up and told him to take both either.

People who attempt to control others with their moods are unreasonable, regardless of whether they are male or female.

Your wife should have made it clear she expected you to take both children, also let the kids know that Dad was taking them. Sulking at 36 isn't showing your children how to be an adult, hope she's speaking to you now.

You knew what would/could happen when you have the children the choice. I hope she gives them the same choice when you want to play golf/watch football/go cycling etc.
You can't relax while minding a 7 year old.

This thread is a great example of why Mumsnet is a load of fucking bollocks