To not wait with my wife for her message?

I disagree, and there have been threads about this so I won't rehash them. Lots of us disagree. The thought of a man coming to a site called Mumsnet, full of women, to moan about a small spat with his wife, is a massive ick and I'll leave it there. If you can't see that, then I can't make you see it.

@MegMarchHare why? This is a site primarily for parents or do we have to discount anything dads say or think now as well 🙄🙄

@Iwasafool imagine this scenario instead.

Wife asks to go to the massage thingy. They all go in the queue (odd ,but hey ho) . While she is distracted (checking her phone, looking for change first the chair whatever), her husband does the whole "do you want to come with me or go with mummy" thing and just leaves with the other kid. She realises not only is he not waiting with her (why else would he queue up with her and the kids) but also left the 7 yo behind. Her mistake was assuming her husband would use his brain and do the common sense thing.

OP does not mention one single thing she did or said between asking for the massage and the phone call. Not even her asking that they queue up with her, just that they did.Unless we are to expect she just sat there like a lemon watching it all happen with no acknowledgment or protest, what's more likely? It also explains her anger at him not waiting. There was a presumption he would if he queued up and then simply disappearing.

I've never seen these massage chairs in shopping malls unless they are part and parcel of having a pedicure.

Could it have been that op

I think she is wrong. Family shopping day isn’t the right time to stop for a massage, unless she actually asked you to take the kids away for a bit. But, if she has been feeling unwell lately and is clearly stressed and you’ve both got a few days booked off, then I would book her a massage for this afternoon or tomorrow as a little gift and give it to her. A proper massage and a couple
hours of peace might help her feel better.

Is this a wind up? I'd be telling the stroppy twat to go and fuck herself.

To be fair, MN is full of people posting afte a squabble. It seems like the problem is OP being male. If I posted that DP was raging at me after a non-event and giving me the silent treatment after he wanted a massage on a whim, I'd probably rightly get my arse handed to me if I then asked the best place to book him a massage as a treat, and told to stop pandering to his behaviour.

OP said she will probably not talk to him for the rest of their days off, which isn't a definite, but sounds like she may have form for it.
I wouldn't say he should book anything for her after her reaction and treatment of him, I certainly wouldn't be treating DP for raging at me and giving me the silent treatment. Hopefully there is some peace now, though.

Book her a massage in a quiet spa and say you'll have the kids for the day. Interesting you run to mumsnet after a marital squabble.

Yes I think it has generally been overlooked, this was from the OP When I got back to them, DW was raging, annoyed at me for not staying and waiting with her.

I said furious as I had remembered that rather than raging which was what the OP said but I think the general message is the same.

Well, and will it work to have a thread of other women on Mumsnet telling her husband how awful she is? I am happy to be controversial and say I don't think this site should be used as a resource for disgruntled husbands to moan about their wives, especially over such a petty incident. I'd be bloody appalled and utterly turned off forever if my husband posted on Mumsnet about me!

OP offers to take both kids off,

I missed that bit.

she wasn't complaining about the child being left with her, she was complaining because OP didn't wait with her and was furious about that.

I didn't realise that either.

I thought she was annoyed because the daughter got bored & was complaining which obviously wouldn't have happened if Op had taken both kids.

I think people are missing the point that she wasn't complaining about the child being left with her, she was complaining because OP didn't wait with her and was furious about that. Controlling? The horror of your partner not standing in a queue with you and daring to leave you in the queue while he looks round some shops.

Actually yes, reading back it seems the whole "she was annoyed because you left one child with her" angle is completely speculative as it's not even what the wife complained about after the fact. It makes more sense than what she did complain about, which is batshit and of course no one should have had to wait with her. But it's not what she said before, during or after the shopping trip.

Where does it say she is in a long term huff? I've read all the OPs posts and nowhere does it claim this. Hopefully by now he has booked a proper massage for her (since they have a few days off) and peace has been restored.

It sounds like it may not work when she's in a huff giving OP the silent treatment. 🫣

She shouldn't have to? Communication between a couple about their child? Yes totally unreasonable to put such a huge burden on her.

Honestly she wanted a massage, OP doesn't seem to have objected, OP offers to take both kids off, one doesn't want to go and mother doesn't just say you need to take her. She doesn't seem very hard done by but obviously likes a sulk which is pretty abusive. I wonder how her children felt on that miserable silent ride home.

I think people are missing the point that she wasn't complaining about the child being left with her, she was complaining because OP didn't wait with her and was furious about that. Controlling? The horror of your partner not standing in a queue with you and daring to leave you in the queue while he looks round some shops.

Why are you on Mumsnet instead of talking to her? It seems like you're just trying to garner sympathy and prove that other women think you sound like a great husband. We only have your side of this (rather petty) incident to go on. Just talk to her.

I fully sympathise with you, OP. To quote Proverbs 21:19 from the Bible, better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.

You shouldn't have given DD the choice. No one but a fool would fail to predict a child would get bored in a queue, so you and DW are both as daft as each for not seeing that one coming. Not sure why DW left the queue when she could have just phoned and asked you to fetch DD. Poor parenting decision on both your parts, over dramatic sulking on your wife's part, and now a martyred humbling of yourself from you. You all make me feel tired.

She shouldn't have to though.

It should be obvious that the best thing is to take both the kids irrespective of what they want.

Tbh if my husband had left me with one of the kids I think I would have been inwardly rolling my eyes & thinking "what is the fucking point?".

Obviously the sulking, being in a mood for days is wrong but I can see why she just gave up.

Maybe the wife didn't open her mouth to ask the husband to take the 7 year old with him so she could play the victim and make everyone miserable with her sulking.

Seems so odd that she was capable of telling him she wanted to have a massage but was suddenly struck dumb about not wanting to have the child left with her.

If she's a funcitoning adult why does she need a man to tell her what to do. If she wants to go and have a massage I'm sure she's capable of working out how to do it.

Your mother has the right idea.

Organising? If saying no I don't think it is a good idea, you take her, is organising no wonder people on here are always moaning about having to organise things and life admin. To most people that's just a simple statement.

I'd love to hear the DWs side to this story... she sounds completely fed up of not having 5 minutes to herself.

Not great that she's switched off and gone into grumpy mode but who can blame her when her DH can't see that he needed to take both children with him.

And whilst a short massage in a shopping mall may not be the most ideal place to get a massage, if that's all that's on offer and is all that DW can afford, let the woman have it. In peace. Without kids hanging off her!

The fact that she wanted a massage to me suggests she was desperate for a brief break from the kids, and by leaving one with her you messed up the opportunity.

But she has no right to keep sulking and ruin the day, unless there is something more going on here. Sounds like you need a serious conversation about communication and the state of your marriage.