I'm fat, and look as though I should be, but I'm not.

You need to stop restricting. Dieting leads to weight gain, scientific evidence supports this.

You can return to your old ways - intuitive eating aka listening to your body and practicing food neutrality. Check out the book Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole. @NoFoodRules on instagram is great. Intuitive Eating Ireland podcast is a really good intro.

I already ignore the hunger pangs after the gym

Stop ignoring your body's natural cues. You are hungry because your body is telling you it NEEDS food, especially in the post-workout anabolic window.

https://lewis.gsu.edu/2021/10/13/fact-or-fiction-the-anabolic-window/

The only thing I have ever done to lose weight where I am not constantly hungry is low carb ( roughly under 50g net). The cravings for sweet things just fades away, I feel full after a meal. I do it together with intermittent fasting.
If you’ve tried IF in the past OP, and felt light headed, combine it with low carb. You can’t really fast when you’ve just had a piece of toast and a jacket potato, etc. That food doesn’t sustain you. You need fat to keep full. And protein. Ideally 1gr of protein for every pound of your ideal weight.
Lastly, if you try IF and low carb, ease up on it the week before your due your period. Your body needs more glucose to make progesterone that week. Add in healthy carbs like beans, lentils, fruit.

Nooooo…. just eat stuff that you can eat loads of

I love veggies so eat loads…. stuff like broccoli is really filling, it doesn’t have to be boring and boiled, roast broccoli (and roast veg generally) is amazing.

To be fair, this is my preferred type of food, so is no hardship. Although I have cut down sugar and white carbs to be healthier (used to have dessert with every meal) and I’ve found that your tastes adjust when your diet does.

Another meal I do is a big pile of veg – roasted, steamed, whatever – with a really tasty blue cheese sauce. Maybe a few bits of potato thrown in.

If you feel hungry, eat!

I’ve never been able to eat what I want but I do a lot, ALOT of exercise so I could eat a decent amount and not be starving.
Then I hit 40 and boom. Suddenly the weight started piling on. I’m still doing the same amount of exercise but I have to eat much less to see any drop in the scales. I’m always, ALWAYS hungry.
Its awful. I’m 10kg heavier and I can’t get it off. It’s like it appeared overnight and is stuck. I thought I could avoid menopausal weight gain but doing the same as I always did but it seems impossible

now I try and make sure I can see the edges of the dinner plate when I serve up.

Cant believe no one else has picked up on this. Its obviously a portion size issue, this isn't normal eating and certainly not a deficit for losing weight.

How is it fat shaming to call YOURSELF fat? If I say I am fat, which I am, I am fat shaming nobody else but myself. Get a grip.

YANBU. I am about the same height as you, and scales are just sitting over 11stone and I am a BLOB. All the weight goes to my middle and my face...well everywhere gets fatter but my tummy gets ridiculous. I could pass for 6 months pregnant.

I'm jealous because i never had a youth advantage! Been overweight all my life, was easily out eaten by my slim friends and was really active, outside playing and running about etc from the minute i got home from school til it was time to come in for tea, yet was always the fat kid. I've had a double chin since i was 10 ffs. I remember getting on the scales at 13, and being 185lbs, and at 15 i was an adult size 16. Diagnosed PCOS with insulin resistsance at 18, and currently 34.5 and 17st 7lb
Just found out i'm deficient in B12, D, and am high end of pre diabetic, level was 46, and 48 is considered Type 2 diabetic.
I don't drink alcohol, but the bullying from being young and overweight led to binge eating disorder and PTSD.
For me, i definitely think there is a hormonal link, especially as women get older and produce less. I've had a contraceptive implant for the last 10 years, starting to wonder if its actually adding to my problems, when previously i never thought it affected my appetite so couldn't have affected my weight, now im not so sure.

Don't get down, OP, what you're doing now sounds great for maintaining a healthy weight and fitness. I do agree with others that calorie counting to make sure you are in a deficit is the most realistic way to actually force your body to use up that stored fat. At least, in a way that doesn't take so long that you end up getting demoralised and giving up. That's how it was for me, anyway.

Everyone is different OP, so no, not everyone who slim is starving, but it's worth calorie counting just for a week or so to see how much you're really eating.

I'm 50 and I have to watch what I eat or I gain weight, but as long as I stick to around 1600 calories a day, don't snack between meals and exercise 3-4 times a week I can maintain 9 stone. If any of those conditions changes though I very rapidly start to gain and before very long all my clothes are tight and I look like a blimp! A lot of it is genetics, so look at your parents and grandparents - whose body shape did you inherit? That will give you some clue as to what you're fighting!

If you want to lose weight, you need to be calorie deficit. That’s it. So you need to know what you’re eating. Use something simple like MyFitnessPal, and get a watch that you can record your activity.

You can try faddy diets, fasting, restrictive eating etc, but none of it is sustainable. It sounds like you’ve just into bad habits.

The best I've ever looked was when I was doing body pump and yoga twice a week each. I actually weighed slightly more than I do now but I was fairly toned.

Weight bearing exercise is really good for bone strength too which is so important once we hit our forties and beyond.

Yanbu even last year before I turnt 35 I was allowed 1800 calories a day as soon as I hit 35 1600 I’m same 5”2 I’m 10stone 5 also but I excercise alottt! And I’m only a size 12 I have to be 9.7 ish to be a 10 my happiest place however I have been 10stone 8 before and a size 14 and looked MUCH bigger but I was dormant no exercise! So it goes to show that you can be a similar weight and look visually very different.

I used to do whatever diet I felt like now however I really do need a calorie counter to lose even a pound! Very disheartening.

Go on YouTube and follow exercises for posture - lifting babies and toddlers makes you round shouldered - if you can straighten your back -say, 10 mins ex a day it should help a lot.

Age is definitely a factor but there are things that can help. If you are getting hunger pangs it could be either sugar crashes (too many carbs) or that you are starving yourself at one point of the day only to overeat at another point.

Pay attention to your protein and carb intake. Drink lots of water. Don't eat too late at night. Know that a "cheat day" can knock out your calorie deficit from the week before.

Consider weight training, which is really important for women as they age. Exercise is a small part of the weight loss process but essential for your overall health.

Sleep quality is also so important, do your kids let you sleep?

I'm mid-40s and 5'7 weighing around 9 stone and the only way I can stay at that weight is intermittant fasting. I have been doing it for a long time now and I eat between 11 am and 7pm (but sometimes I cheat if I'm going out) and my body has now gotten used to being hungry for parts of the day and it's no longer uncomfortable. I can see why people think it would be torture but feeling hungry is actually not that bad and it's fine when you know that soon it will be over. We're just so used to instant gratification these days. Fasting has shrunk my stomach too so I can't eat as much anymore too so that's a bonus.

I’m get you. I’d be massive at 10.5 stone cos I’m very slim built - the most I’ve been in a non-pregnant state is just over 9 and my waist would be in the ‘at risk’ category.
When I was 40 I did ‘The Shred’ dvd - it worked very well in terms of weight loss - I probably combined it with healthy eating etc.
Now I’m quite slim but I have been in a restricted diet due to some health issues (acid reflux) - weight loss is def possible over 50 even - and I don’t do much exercise. I still have a bit of a tum though compared to the rest of me so I’m a comfortable 12 or n the bottom and 10 on top.
Look at eating whole foods and UPF free foods.

I do believe that all of us have a weight that our body is happy with - even when I was what I thought of as fat, I never got bigger than a certain point. Perhaps that’s my body’s happy place! Sadly it’s not mine so it’s a constant fight/work to be where I want to be…

I do think that menopause does strange things to the body.

I'm 5' 9", 50, and whatever the fuck I do, I'm 62kg.

I cam low carb and IF, or eat like a fucker.

62kg.

No change.

It seems I'm now 62kg.

I should also add that I’ve always been very active - I have a manual job and enjoy exercise on top of that, it’s just always been food that was my fall down (and not cookies or chocolate as I don’t have a sweet tooth - it’s bread and pasta for me…)

I’m 34 and in the same boat! Always been a bit flabby around my belly but recently managed to lose lots of weight - not through trying but by trying to manage my heartburn of all things! I started chewing food properly to help with that and as a side I ended up eating about a third of what I used to! Whilst it’s been great I’m now terrified of putting it all back on so I have to really concentrate when I’m eating and not just watch telly/scroll through social media whilst having meals even if I’m on my own. It takes work but it seems to work for me - and so far I’ve been able to keep the heartburn at bay too 🤞🤞

I'm with you OP it totally sucks! I'm 40 and am really struggling with my weight. HOWEVER, the only thing that helps me lose is calorie counting and keeping a food diary religiously.

I don't starve myself I have 1500 cals a day, but I have to properly measure everything that passes my lips including measuring milk in my tea, condiments, weighing the butter on my toast with digital scales. It's the only way I got a proper idea of what I was actually consuming (eg when I had museli I was eating about 3x the bloody recommended serving size when I actually went to weigh it!) And I try to do 10k steps a day too.

Seriously get a free My Fitness Pal account set up and start logging religiously and going on the forums. It really does help, but you've got to do it every day and plan your meals, when you start guessing how much you've eaten after the fact it stops working.

Having the metabolism and lack of time of a 40 year old professional with kids is no joke. 😅

I’m 5’3 and 7 stone 12 so you’d think I’d be skinny but since I hit full menopause I gained fat around my middle and lost muscle. I weigh the same as I did when I was 30 but I’m fatter.

I’ve had to resort to YT stomach exercises and low carb. It is going down but what a massive effort!

I went up to 135lbs at 5'4 during Covid. My usual weight was around 120.

Losing it was hard. I'm 46 now.

I cut down on calories a lot, no more snacking, and much more water.

For exercise Pilates. Muscle building helps your body burns calories.

Mainly though it's diet.

I'm in peri-menopause and have stage 4 endometriosis. Lately I've been in too much pain to move as much.

I have to eat less. If you don't have as much time and energy to workout you have to eat a lot less.

It took a year to lose the 15 lbs. It didn't happen overnight. But it also took me 2 years to gain 15 lbs. I expected to lose it fast so it helped to keep that in mind.

I was around the same weight (and 5’1) when I was 43/44. I’m 51 now and under 8.5 stones. I think it was about gradual changes and getting into better habits….I wasn’t actually trying to lose the last half stone and didn’t believe it was possible. I also don’t have much of a breakfast and try to keep the carbs below 100g. No eating in the evening - which I’m forced to stick to because of stomach problems. No alcohol. I’m a bit hungry before bed but not during the day.