I'm fat, and look as though I should be, but I'm not.

Been there too. Do seriously count the calories and write them down - stick to 2000 each day on average during a week.

sounds like you've hit perimenopause. Talk to your doc about HRT and start strength training

Do you eat a sufficient essential fats?
My fat intake was ridiculously low when I was being restrictive.
Not healthy at all.

My reality check….
i was exhausted, gaining in middle, nothing working, feeling down, aches , rage, tears, depression

i had hormones tested - perifuckingmenopause

now on low dose oestrogen and exercising. An expert following says long cardio is detrimental in perimenopause which can start mid 30s

Try the Mediterranean Diet - you can even have a small glass of red wine with your dinner!

I’d look fat at 10st something! I’m 8 stone 10 and 5ft4 and feel just right. I’ve put on about 2kg over 6 months and if I gained more I know I’d feel fat so at 10st I’d definitely look it! It depends on shape I’m sure!

Hi OP, haven’t RTFT but seen some good suggestions on here. I’d firstly get yourself checked by a woman’s health physio regarding your diastasis. I’d add weight training 3 x per week to help build muscle mass (raise your metabolism). Think you mentioned getting a PT to help you with this which is a great idea. Get someone pre/post natal qualified who has knowledge of working with diastasis. Keep a food diary. Weigh portions initially to get an idea of how much you are eating. Protein at every meal. Whilst losing weight keep alcohol cals to minimum (so 10-15% of your daily cals per week max). Certainly whilst trying to lose weight. Once you build some muscle you will notice how much easier it is to maintain weight without doing crazy low cal diets. Definitely take pics to see your progress. Good luck!

I exercised a lot and it didn’t really shift the weight post baby (also 40). I found it was the food that was the issue for me. I always ate healthy / whole foods and occasional wine. Quite frankly I was eating too much but without noticing. A few painless healthier choices (not painless every day but mostly painless) and I started losing weight. I did noom which means calorie counting and logging food and regular weigh ins. Which once you get in the swing is ok. Made a real difference for me.

good luck. It’s awful not feeling like yourself.

Do you do that every day?

OP healthy sustainable weight loss requires consistency & happens over a much longer period of time than most people realise. There is no quick fix, if you want to lose it for good & keep it off then it’s healthy habits for life.

Do not be discouraged… keep going… it will start to pay off!!

I’m also 5’2” and the start of lockdown I was 8 stone. I crept up over the years til Christmas to 10 stone. Looked and felt hideous!!
I am totally not selling a mlm product but someone recommended Herbalife to me and I am now a much more comfortable 8 stone 9. I’ve found it easy and that’s no exercise however I do walk about 18000 steps a day at work. I’m 51.

Hate to say it: buttttt high protein (with every meal), no refined sugar, no alcohol and 7k-10k steps per day should do it, you also need to be consistent don’t drastically cut down cos you’ll end up starving and probs unintentionally binging.
Weight training/HITT style stuff is best for ‘fat loss’ not that you can target fat loss per se but that combined with high protein low fat macros will help smash the stubborn fat!
Do you have my fitness pal? I find it a godsend for helping me have insight- post baby, i didn’t realise I was consuming about 500 more cals than I ought to be to ‘loose weight’ and also weighing my portions .. again seems extreme but you really can eat a lot more than you intend by simply eyeing your portions.. !

Sorry to say it gets worse as you get older. I gained 30 lbs when I was widowed and haven't been able to lose more than half of it. All my food is cooked from scratch. No wine or other alcohol. No cake. No chocolates. I hate being fat and flabby. I don't know where I've gone, IYKWIM. You have my every sympathy.

I hear you CettePersonne. Was never over 9 stone (5 foot 7) and looked skinny despite eating constantly in my younger years. Even after 3 kids I lost the weight without trying. Fast forward to mid 40's I had to go to the gym twice a week to keep the weight stable. 60 this year and F@@@ it - 10 and a half stone - and can't shift a pound. Trying 5:2 diet as a last resort. If this doesn't work then I give up lol.

I hear you.
I'm 39. Less than 3 years ago I was 8 stone 2. I was very disciplined for nearly a year!
Then something happened , I think it was Christmas 2021 and I wanted to eat and I basically didn't go back to diet portions ever. Now I'm pushing 10.5 stone.
It doesn't sound a great deal but I don't carry extra weight well and I looked much better 9st something.
In terms of tips to loose weight:
My fitnesspal is tough at first but it's the only thing that works for me. Put all treats and alcohol on there.
I know it sounds a bit obsessive but you have to accept you'll be hungry if you want to loose weight sometimes . Drink more water. Distract yourself.
Low carb is a good way not to be hungry on a diet, but it's hardcore and not for everyone .
If you can't low carb, one low carb meal a day helps.Having omelette first thing instead of sugary cereal or toast helped filled me up and stopped me craving biscuits mid morning.

It is tough though and I sympathise.

hi, similar situation here. Perimenopausal and doing the right things, portion control, no snacking, upped protein, weights three times a week and spinning twice a week.

Intermittent fasting is just a way of eating less, btw, but if it works for you…

anyway - the only thing I’ve found that makes a difference is I’ve started running again after 20 years or so. And every one of the workouts - Cardio or weights- has to be at my absolute limit. I’m just not prepared to restrict food any further, and I noticed that everyone I know who has the figure I want is a runner. So I’m running!

either way, seems you have to put a huge amount of effort in for a small gain, but the health benefits have to be worth it, and I’ve read the stubborn weight period doesn’t last forever (fingers crossed)

I'm 34, weigh 8st 2oz and eat like a horse lol I literally do let myself get hungry! So no....

Try increasing your protein and fibre intake, so lots of fresh vegetables and cut out or cut right back on carbohydrates, particularly refined carbohydrates like potatoes, pasta, rice et cetera. I think you will find you stay fuller for longer without the sugar lows which then create the cravings for more snacking or larger portion sizes. Wishing you all the best

I could have written your post 😫 I'm a bit taller but otherwise it's pretty much the same story here. 2 kids, multiple miscarriages and lockdown = I weigh 1.5 stone more than I used to. Can't shift it. Always sleep deprived which doesn't help. Also accidentally / mindlessly eat a lot of kids leftovers every day.

I suspect we do need to eat smaller portions, no snacks, no booze, etc

Yes you’re right of course @Proteinpud - it’s a simplistic way to look at things. But given the self awareness of the OP, I’m guessing that the obvious things don’t need to be stated. I suspect she’s not eating junk, she probably eats homemade decent food already and has already tried many things before this thread.

I was the same - pretty fit, did weights, ate home cooked food of high quality and yet the weight stayed an issue, despite eating “clean” food and exercising. To finally move the dial, I had to count all the calories in/out to see where I was going wrong and there are many like me. The calories in an avocado smash on sourdough can be a third of the daily calories which might be a shock to many, despite being hailed as super food.
But if anyone is eating junk and not moving, clearly I’d advise them to start there.

The issue on 1200-1400 Kcal is you struggle to eat well and if you do it means absolutely NO treats or snacks

I eat three nutritious meals for around 1200 and a couple of treats too, usually a low calorie hot chocolate which is 38 calories and something for 100 calories.

I know technically its calories in v calories out but in all honesty I lose weight better when I eat better
The issue on 1200-1400 Kcal is you struggle to eat well and if you do it means absolutely NO treats or snacks

I used to do WW and it got to the point that I refused to eat oil, mackerel, sardines, nuts, avocado even salmon was a rarity because the points were too high. That is just ridiculous. I find I am better eating more calories but healthier food.

I assume healthier foods make your body work better

Another change I made was to have muesli for breakfast to cut down in the butter on toast you mentioned OP. I thought it was probably more nutritious too.

i think we all carry weight very differently. i'm 5ft 3 when i was 9.5stone i looked anorexic and was a size 6-8 not sure why i must have a heavy head lol

I recently managed to shift a stone without calorie counting and I’m over 50. I carried on eating what I used to eat for meals but eliminated all puddings cake’s biscuits, chocolate, crisps and alcohol. I didn’t feel hungry.
Just a small amount of any of these things in the week meant I maintained my weight rather than lost any so I did keep to it strictly.
I still went out for meals on occasion just no alcohol or desert. I also had takeaways but not a mountain of chips, just the amount you would cook for yourself at home.