I'm fat, and look as though I should be, but I'm not.

But at your weight and height, you are overweight. You could get up a healthy weight really easily as your BMI is likely only 26-27.

If you do have a lack of core strength, you'll have a saggy paunch no matter how much dieting you do.

And imo dieting is miserable with minimal gains.

I'd start with the core strength training

10.5st isn't that big at all.

If you feel you look fat, and it all started after having dc2, it's probably a lack of core strength giving you bad posture and a paunch. Possibly diastasis recti (splitting of the abs some mums get after pregnancy).

There are strength exercises you can do to reverse all this. See a physio and/or personal trainer.

Fwiw my ordinary weight is just under 8 st but 10.5 st is my postpartum weight (both times). I lost it without dieting after dc1 and expect I will again with dc2. All I did was core strength training. Focused on abs, glutes, lower back, and pelvic floor exercises.

Start calorie counting and do it for 1 or 2 weeks. That will be long enough to expose the hidden calories that are doing you dirty!!

I found the "healthy swap" granola bar I was having for bfast was CHOCK full of sugar and massive calories. Got rid of that and moved on to scrambled eggs! Swapping to a more protein and fat rich diet kicked the sugar/carb cravings out after a while which is a win-win.

Keep at it! The best time to plant a tree is 10 years ago but the second best time is now and all that!

It's weird how weight sits on people differently. I'm 5 ft 4 and feel and look nice and slim when I'm 10 st 5. I was that weight two years ago and very happy with it. I don't ever gain weight on my bum or legs. Arms could be better toned but my weight sits around my middle.

I'm trying to lose weight as I'm 11 st 2 at the moment. I've been following Noom for the last month as I crept up to 12 stone after starting HRT 18 months ago and that just looks and feels awful on me. Hoping to get down to 10 st if I can. It's definitely harder to lose it now I'm 54 but I'm gradually losing a pound or two each week now.

read "why we eat too much" by Andrew Jenkinson

Just a thought, have you spoken to your doctor? Had your thyroid checked?

get a health/body coach. Not a PT. A COACH. They should help with all elements.

When you are relatively short and slim and then pile it on over 35, it is much harder to lose it again than when you were under that age, sorry OP. I'm a similar height and have hit the obese scale at what seems a low weight compared with what many would consider heavy, if you are taller, you have much more leeway.

I would say what you are eating is great for maintenance, but losing it is harder work, you do have to make quite sizeable changes. Once made, and once it's lost, you can then go back to eating more moderately.

That's if you want to lose, some people prefer to choose food freedom and enjoyment and that's a good choice too, it is annoying you have to make the choice though and I also wish I could be 25 and eating without thinking, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

I have pcos so I’ve always had to watch what I eat. Wine is awful for weight gain and bloating. Try switching to CBD drinks for a week? They have a similar relaxing effect without the nasty side effects (or calories). Going low carb and high protein also really helped me not feel hungry when cutting back.

I dont think it accounts for it all, Im just saying what it is. It all adds up, thats the problem

You could buy those mini bottles perhaps

Someone did a calculation on another thread, it only takes the calorie equivalent of a couple of biscuits, per day, over your calorie requirements to gain about a stone a year. Do that over a couple of years and there is your couple of of stone.

Its actually harder not to gain weight, than to gain it!!!

For me I only lose when I count calories. I’m 5ft 1 and anything over 9 stone I’ve got a belly and boob fat. I’m good at losing, but I’m good at gaining so it’s a constant battle and regular weighing is only way to keep on top of it. I’m 47

YANBU

I understand how you feel OP, I was in similar situation. I had always been size 6-8 but ever since I got married I couldnt go back to my normal weight. I had 2 kids and put on a lot of weight specially during lockdown. I was almost the same weight as my DH who is 20cm taller.

I was unhappy and felt really fat ( this is totally personal, not saying people with my hight and weight are fat, but I felt fat compared to how I used to look). I couldnt wear my old clothes anymore.

I started intermittent fasting and lost 10kg over 6 months. It was a slow process but it didnt take much effort because I would still eat what I liked, just within the 8 hour window.

Its been 3 years now. I have been back to size 8 and do look a lot better in most outfits. Im not strictly doing IM anymore but I weigh myself every morning, if my weight has been going up for a few days, I would be careful with what I eat.

BMI is 23, NHS still tells me I am overweight because of my ethnicity.

Why not? That’s great advice! Throw out the irrelevant scales!

You cant out exercise a bad diet. I know it shit and tedious but to be in a calorie deficit you really do need to be tracking everything you eat. Weight shouldn’t matter, I’m almost 9 stone but my body fat % is only 19 so I’m pretty small still at 5ft 2. I’m very active and I dont track because I’m not trying to lose weight. I know exactly what I’m doing but I’d still need to weigh and track food if I wanted to lose some body fat/weight.

Take photos of your body and body measurements now and repeat at the start of every month.

Please do not do this.

Intermittent fasting? I had free always been slim but a couple of years ago I found my weight creeping up a bit. Definitely more sedentary now than in the past.

The only way I can keep a handle on it is by fasting from dinner til lunch the next day. That way I eat what I want the rest of the day and don't feel deprived. But yes, you feel hungry at the start but after a while get used to it.

Bottle of wine is 6-700 cals

Every sympathy OP

You ask what it will take.

When we're young, we can lose weight just by vague 'cutting down a bit'

When we get older, and Im much older than you, you have to count.

People will poo poo this but you need to be in calorie deficit and unless you're following some other plan like WW or SW where the plan puts you in a vague calorie deficit, you need to calculate it.

Good luck

I think sometimes people exaggerate the effect of metabolism changes in your 30s and 40s. I was a bit defeatist about it and was sure it was because I hit 35 .

I had totally ignored the fact in my early-mid 30s I’d became extremely sedentary especially when the pandemic hit and I was WFH (still do) and I blamed it all my metabolism. my activity level had dropped drastically but I was still consuming the same fairly high amount of calories so wonder I gained the weight.

In my 20s, I’d walk 1-2 hours a day easily AND come home and workout three times a week and my job involved a fair bit of standing too.

So I was wrongly comparing myself to a time in my life when I had a far greater level of activity which balanced out all the food I ate.
Now I’m committed to daily movement I’ve lost 2 stone, and nine inches round the waist. Just over one more stone to go before I reach my goal weight.

I think the regular hours of walking /NEAT ie “accidental exercise” each day has a far bigger impact on weight than working out tbh. So I’m now doing gentle exercise like walking for about one hour a day.

Reducing sugar and UPFs is a big help too and going for low calorie high volume meals, so a plate filled with something like salmon and then heaps of vegetables. Whole foods tend to nourish me more whereas the more processed foods often leave me feeling hungrier and hungrier

10.5 at my height is overweight (29.6)
Only a few pounds heavier at 10.10, I would be obese.
So yes people at 10 stone something can be overweight.

@Mintearo7 very true for me. I never had to try. If anything I was trying to put on weight and then boom.