Holiday booked don’t want to go

If you feel you won't be able to manage then cancel now. It's you that's going to be the one up breastfeeding and recovering from an operation -you have an absolute right to put your foot down and say absolutely not. It doesn't have to be a never situation- rearrange for a year's time.

Surely to goodness the ILs would not expect you to go just after giving birth by CS? I really cannot fathom how anyone would TBH, including your DH.

I wouldn't go, everyone knows the situation and should be mindful of you, your health and your children too. Reschedule or leave it out and to hell with the consequences. Stand your ground as you are most certainly not unreasonable.

Money paid should not be the reason to go either in the circumstances.

You’re going to need to tell him you want to cancel by the sounds of it. He isn’t or doesn’t want to get the hints.

Your IL know the timings so are probably half expecting it.

You are a grown up. Cancel.

Call them up and say “look I know this is coming up but I’m getting myself in a state about coming and I just need to focus on having the new baby. Have a brilliant time, I’m sure you understand.”

If your H wants to pop over for a couple of hours one day with the other two, all the better.

To be honest, with three children, this will have to change - your husband will jave to take some of the load. She might not settle at first, but she will get used to it.

It sounds as though you're making obstacles because you don't want to go. Fair enough you don't want to, but just say so.

You've got 9 weeks to work on the clinginess. With another baby coming soon, she's going to have to get used to him looking after her as you'll be out of action for at least a couple of days.

You don’t have to go, it does sound like an undertaking. However, not letting your partner go with the other child on the basis of an assumption is irrational and I think they should absolutely go and enjoy a holiday with the family.

What are the finances around the holiday? I'm guessing it is likely that it will have to be paid anyway. So I wouldn't worry about making any decisions now. I would just be introducing the idea that you can't plan because you don't know how things will be be. It might be fine for you all to go and relax with in laws around to help, You might feel that it would be good for your husband to take the two toddlers and you stay at home alone, or maybe none of you will go, But unless you can get money back if you cancel now I would leave deciding until baby is here and you see how things are going.

if I do bring it up he’ll say ok I’ll get the train and take dd1 (3) which isn’t a solution for me because IL is borderline blind and still drives and I’m worried they convince dh to just pop her in the car with him and something happens etc

Has he ever done that before?

He may want to see his family. I don't think it's fair to decide everyone stays home on the basis that dh might put dd in a car that you deem unsafe. If he's the sort of person to put his child at risk I'm sure you wouldn't be onto your third baby with him.

I wouldn’t want to go.

Push for rescheduling.

If people around you are unsupportive then you have to decide which is the lesser of two evils - travelling with a newborn and all the exhaustion you will face, or have DH and inlaws sulking and guilting you.

Im sorry to say either option is likely to aggravate your PnD so I’d really suggest just choosing the more convenient option for yourself.

I'd be saying (sooner rather than later), circumstances have changed somewhat, since agreeing to the holiday, pregnancy and the CS date is now confirmed, due date means its unreasonable to travel due to young baby and very recent extensive abdominal surgery. Am so very sorry but we are going to have to back out of this (unless dates can be changed to more suitable time).

DH is a dick, your health and baby health is paramount here.

I probably wouldn't want to go or be left in those circs either. Is rescheduling an option?