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Original poster

Holiday booked don’t want to go

164 replies

hdhdgueidvxkdk · 01/04/2024 18:18

ILs booked a holiday about a year ago and asked if we’d go as we live opposite ends of the country so would be a nice way to meet. Was happy to at this point so said yes. We have 2 toddlers so never particularly easy but it’s only a 2 hour drive and they sleep in their own beds so don’t have to lug loads of stuff with us. Now I’m due to have a section in 3 weeks. Holiday is 6 weeks after my section so will have only just started driving again, will probably be sleeping very little as planning to breastfeed etc, and now have to pack a double pram and a moses basket in the car with 3 car seats and everyone squished ( I haven’t even bought a moses basket and don’t really have the budget to buy right now because I otherwise wouldn’t use one anyway and I’m terrified of sids and don’t want to have faith in a random caravan place providing a safe cot).

just feel so anxious about it all now. I keep saying to dh I don’t really want to go etc etc but it never really turns into a proper conversation probably because he wants to go, or if I do bring it up he’ll say ok I’ll get the train and take dd1 (3) which isn’t a solution for me because IL is borderline blind and still drives and I’m worried they convince dh to just pop her in the car with him and something happens etc. also I get ppd and ppa every pregnancy and it’s started early this time rather than just postpartum, so that’s probably contributing but in my experience that’s not going to disappear by 6 weeks pp.

Just feel so anxious and trying to subtly say can we please not do this but it’s not getting me anywhere and I don’t want to upset people

OP posts:
Bunnycat101 · 01/04/2024 19:24

I’d get DH to go with the 3yo. They’d probably have a lovely time with grandparents. I thought you were being a bit unreasonable at first but the more you’ve said, the more hellish it sounds tbh. I wouldn’t fancy sharing a small place 6 weeks post partum.

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 01/04/2024 19:22

Is your useless husband much older than you, OP?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/04/2024 19:21

The most obvious answer is to cancel or reschedule I agree. Circumstances have changed and it’s just not feasible.

When I got down to the fact it’s a caravan, that was the absolute clincher.

If you husband really wants to go, surely he takes both older ones and leaves you with just the baby? Why does he think it’s fair to leave you with two babies, who whilst close in age will have very different needs at those stages?

You just need a very firm promise that no one gets in the car with blind IL.

DeedlessIndeed · 01/04/2024 19:18

So, if you're happy to stay home with baby and the 1 yr old, that would mean that DH could go with the eldest child. He could get some reins if DC is a runner.

Then you + baby + 1 year old could cosy up for some quiet days bonding?

That would seem reasonable, as I imagine his parents want to see their grandchildren too.

Bigpaintinglittlepainting · 01/04/2024 19:18

That would be a hard nope from me, wild horses couldn't drag me to a caravan site 6 weeks postpartum with two toddlers, sharing with in-laws! Are you crazy 😝

Original poster
hdhdgueidvxkdk · 01/04/2024 19:11

Icecoldtulip · 01/04/2024 19:01

I’d let my husband take the older two and thoroughly enjoy some time just me and the baby!

I would if they were older older but they’re still tiny themselves. One just turned 3 and one just turned 1. They’re still very little and I still get massive anxiety about leaving them. I’d probably be more confident if dh drove etc but he doesn’t drive and also when I’m at work he doesn’t take them out on his own because he struggles (they want carried, they hate being in the pram, you let them walk and the youngest toddles off in the opposite direction etc etc usual toddler things) so if he has never even attempted taking them to soft play down the road before I don’t really think it’s unreasonable that I’m anxious about him taking them and a load of bags and a pram on the bus and 2 trains and whatever transport it is from the train to the caravan place, nevermind the rest of the week

OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · 01/04/2024 19:08

Why is your husband only offering to take one of the other children? Obviously you will stay with the newborn, and he has offered to take a three year old daughter, but what age is the third child and why isn't he offering to take her?

I think your not trusting him with the three year old is very unfair and actually controlling, UNLESS you have reason to (and in which case, surely you wouldn't be having this third child with him, unless he only recently revealed these neglectful/irresponsible tendencies).

Other than that what you are saying seems pretty reasonable. If it were me I would stay at home with the baby. Do you have anyone you could ask to stay with you - your mom for example? Regardless, I would, and did, stay on my own with the newborn at this age. DH takes the other kids, they get a lovely holiday and lots of adults attention they may have missed out on - you get a break from them. He gets to spend precious quality time with his elderly parents (and believe me it is precious - I would kill for a holiday with my dad now). Perfect.

Original poster
hdhdgueidvxkdk · 01/04/2024 19:08

BlueMum16 · 01/04/2024 19:06

Can you postpone by a few weeks. Explain it's very soon and you'd prefer to be a further past surgery.

Breast feeding shouldn't be an issue. Do you have a carry cot pram that can be used instead of buying a moses basket? What will you use at home in the early days?

No carry cot pram. Using a double so the insert is like a soft shell thing definitely not safe for unsupervised sleep. Baby going straight into a cot at home so nothing portable

OP posts:
LucyLaundry · 01/04/2024 19:07

Seems like you have an excuse for every resolution people are suggesting.

Just cancel and stay home with baby, but you can't dictate what your husband does with his children too.

Delatron · 01/04/2024 19:06

Oh you poor thing! You cannot share a caravan with ILS 6 weeks after giving birth (aside from the other kids too). Just cancel or reschedule for another time and send DH and older 2.

BlueMum16 · 01/04/2024 19:06

Can you postpone by a few weeks. Explain it's very soon and you'd prefer to be a further past surgery.

Breast feeding shouldn't be an issue. Do you have a carry cot pram that can be used instead of buying a moses basket? What will you use at home in the early days?

Gettingbysomehow · 01/04/2024 19:04

For God's sake just say no. This is completely absurd doing this with a baby and two toddler. They will just have to lump it.

Icecoldtulip · 01/04/2024 19:01

I’d let my husband take the older two and thoroughly enjoy some time just me and the baby!

Gcsunnyside23 · 01/04/2024 19:01

I'd tell DH to see if dates can be changed as the best compromise. Does your DH drive?

Worstyearyet · 01/04/2024 19:00

As pp said I just don’t understand why anyone would think this trip was a good idea. 6 weeks post partum is bad enough let alone in a caravan with two toddlers & the in laws. It sounds like hell on earth! OP you need to talk some sense in to your DH or just tell him/ them it’s not happening. You are definitely not being unreasonable!

toomuchfaff · 01/04/2024 18:59

hdhdgueidvxkdk · 01/04/2024 18:54

Yeah all one caravan. Exactly :’) dreading it

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Then pull out. Make it clear you're not going, let him take the kids, let him go visit his family but you're not going. ?

Pottedpalm · 01/04/2024 18:57

hdhdgueidvxkdk · 01/04/2024 18:50

true but I don’t agree with just about smothering baby in fabrics particularly in a hot caravan in summer while they’re trying to feed

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A muslin is hardly smothering a baby in fabric. My DiL just drapes a large muslin over her shoulder and it hangs lightly over the baby. That or she has him tucked in under her big loose shirt. None of us are bothered what is on view or not but she is comfortable with what she does. If you don’t want to go you can just say, no need to upset yourself thinking up more and more scenarios.

Original poster
hdhdgueidvxkdk · 01/04/2024 18:54

BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 01/04/2024 18:51

Would you all be in one caravan?

Sharing a caravan with a baby crying at night would not be what I would call ‘quality time’.

Yeah all one caravan. Exactly :’) dreading it

OP posts:
BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 01/04/2024 18:51

Would you all be in one caravan?

Sharing a caravan with a baby crying at night would not be what I would call ‘quality time’.

Original poster
hdhdgueidvxkdk · 01/04/2024 18:50

Pottedpalm · 01/04/2024 18:48

It is possible to breastfeed without whipping boobs out. Have a light scarf or a muslin handy if it helps. It’s your third; you ate probably a pro by now.

Show quote history

true but I don’t agree with just about smothering baby in fabrics particularly in a hot caravan in summer while they’re trying to feed

OP posts:
Original poster
hdhdgueidvxkdk · 01/04/2024 18:49

ThisOldThang · 01/04/2024 18:43

I agree that you probably should backout.

If you do need a bassinet, for whatever reason, have a look on Gumtree or schpock.

I think this is the other thing that’s thrown me is I had a HV appointment where she was talking to me about sids and made a comment that most sids cases were ‘out of normal’ circumstances e.g. holidays/away from home, using travel cots etc. I just don’t have the money to throw 40 quid at a new item I’ll use for a week but the anxiety of using a secondhand mattress would eat away at me. I barely slept with my first because I’d just panic so much about sids and it drove me to needing anti anxiety meds it’s not something I can relax about 😭

OP posts:
Pottedpalm · 01/04/2024 18:48

hdhdgueidvxkdk · 01/04/2024 18:25

Thank you - I’m also worried about breastfeeding infront of them. With my other 2 the cluster feeding felt never ending so the whole ‘go into another room to feed’ thing just isn’t feasible is it. And I don’t really know them very well, I’ve only met them a handful of times because of the distance so don’t feel comfortable whipping a boob out around them :’)

It is possible to breastfeed without whipping boobs out. Have a light scarf or a muslin handy if it helps. It’s your third; you ate probably a pro by now.

Original poster
hdhdgueidvxkdk · 01/04/2024 18:46

My other worry is that they’re both very old and dh keeps saying he thinks it’ll be the last quality time he has with them. Which I understand. TBH I don’t even care if he goes and leaves me at home with all 3 kids if he wants the quality family time but I just don’t feel like I’ll physically or mentally be in the place to go myself

OP posts:
ThisOldThang · 01/04/2024 18:43

I agree that you probably should backout.

If you do need a bassinet, for whatever reason, have a look on Gumtree or schpock.

FictionalCharacter · 01/04/2024 18:40

toomuchfaff · 01/04/2024 18:22

I'd be saying (sooner rather than later), circumstances have changed somewhat, since agreeing to the holiday, pregnancy and the CS date is now confirmed, due date means its unreasonable to travel due to young baby and very recent extensive abdominal surgery. Am so very sorry but we are going to have to back out of this (unless dates can be changed to more suitable time).

DH is a dick, your health and baby health is paramount here.

Edited

I agree. 6 weeks after a C section is too soon, throw 2 toddlers and a newborn into the mix and it's madness. You'll have to get over this fear of not "upsetting people" though. You don't always have to be the one who goes along with what everyone else wants when it's going to have a bad effect on you.

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