Holiday booked don’t want to go

Maybe your in-laws don’t even want to go? Surely nobody will get any sleep? The newborn will cry (normal). This will wake up the entire caravan including the young kids. Why anyone thought this would be a good idea is completely beyond me.

IL is borderline blind and still drives and I’m worried they convince dh to just pop her in the car with him and something happens etc.

You trust your husband so little that you believe he will allow himself and your/his child to be driven by a driver who will put them in danger? You need to work on these trust and control issues, it’s no way to live as a couple. He has to be allowed to make decisions unless he has form for doing very stupid things.

This. The only ridiculous bit is how anyone involved ever thought this was going to be in any way enjoyable, or even bearable, for anyone involved, if four adults, two toddlers and a newborn are all sharing a caravan.

That's certainly pretty useless.

Just feel so anxious and trying to subtly say can we please not do this but it’s not getting me anywhere and I don’t want to upset people

Stop being subtle. It was a completely mad thing to agree to in the first place (sharing a caravan with my PILs, regardless of whether or not several small children were involved sounds hell!) , but it sounds objectively like a completely unenjoyable experience. You're not in the least unreasonable not to want to go, but you are going to have to say so, and stop 'trying to subtly say' anything. Just say you aren't going. And, if he is taking the older children and going without you, say 'Your father is semi-blind and a dangerous driver. Don't let him drive the children anywhere.'

None of the objections the OP has are ridiculous. You couldn’t pay me to share a caravan with my ILs and that’s without throwing in a c-section, newborn baby and 2 young children.

It sounds utterly horrific.

It’s not a point of not knowing how, but would you consider this trip a good time?

A woman three weeks postpartum should be able to decline a trip that sure to be a nightmare.

A woman on her third child not knowing how to go into another room or cover herself without suffocating her baby when breastfeeding? How’s that for a ridiculous obstacle..
She doesn’t want to go, and I can understand her reluctance to , but tell her husband that, he can go with the other children.

Which of the reasons feels like a ridiculous obstacle to you?

New mother healing from a section
Newborn that needs constant care
Caring for toddlers and infant in a cramped space with other people
Lack of privacy to BF from near strangers

I think there was more but do these seem ridiculous?

I’m sorry, but you are putting up some ridiculous obstacles because you don’t want to go. That’s fine, but just say that to your husband. Why can’t he drive there with the two eldest and you stay home with the newborn ?

Gods sake, why is anyone thinking this is a good idea? Wouldn’t rational adults (and I mean your ils and dh) think “oh the baby is only 6 weeks old, op has just had a section and two toddlers to wrangle! In a caravan? Let’s reschedule.” Because it’s a fucking mad idea. And this from a woman with 3 sections under her belt.

DH should take both of your older children while you stay at home cluster feeding in a silent peaceful house with Netfix and a giant heap of snacks. Especially important for you and baby to have this time babymooning if you're vulnerable to PPD. I would jump at the chance for this quiet time.

Just feel so anxious and trying to subtly say can we please not do this but it’s not getting me anywhere and I don’t want to upset people

You do not need to be subtle!! You will be just 6 WEEKS POSTPARTUM and this is your DH. It should be obvious to everyone that there's no way you should go, but seeing as you need to point it out, be direct. How can anyone be upset?!? Sounds like you could benefit from some therapy to explore healthy boundaries and your sense of over-responsibility for others' feelings at the expense of your own.

No, and she’s very clingy with me. she doesn’t even let dh put her to bed or settle her through the night if she wakes up. I don’t think she’d be happy with this option either

Great opportunity for them to learn their own means of comforting. Seriously need this with a third on the way. They can go for less nights if you're going to miss them too much.

I barely slept with my first because I’d just panic so much about sids and it drove me to needing anti anxiety meds it’s not something I can relax about 😭

Have you explored safe bedsharing? As you are breastfeeding it is actually the safest way to sleep (following the safe sleep seven) and protects against SIDS. This is because you and baby are constantly stimulating eachother in your sleep, which prevents baby from going in to a deep sleep which is when SIDS happens. That's why SIDS doesn't exist in countries where everyone bedshares. And bonus is that baby and mum get tonnes more sleep. Sounds like you seriously need to ensure proper sleep for your mental health (and the knock on effect this has on your chidlren).

OP you need to cancel this arrangement asap.
DH should support you in this matter.
It sounds like a complete nightmare.
You or baby may feel unwell anyway. What if baby gets sick while away - do you know where a hospital is locally?
Also to rely on someone you say is nearly blind for any driving is madness too. UANBU.

In a cramped caravan with your in-laws and two more small children and no privacy?

I understand your worry.

We had a huge family party 7 weeks after ds was due - in another country!

We had all the plans in place to go and knew how to get passport etc.

Then he was a week late and born by EMCS.

But I needn't of worried. It was fine. We travelled and I was for and well enough to do so.

I met DPs family - some of whom I'd never met before and managed to BF ok.

In fact it turned out well because I'd feed him and then others would take him and I'd get rest. Also because I chose to BF in private sometimes I could then have a nap with him afterwards as was already away from everyone and so I just didn't reappear after 😂

So I agree that I would be producing various senarios for them pointing out you don't know how well you'll be after surgery.

But if DH wants to take 3yo you are going to have the conversation and trust him not to get in the car if it's not safe - although I'm not convinced someone's eyesight can be almost blind and they are still able to drive?

I had a lovely holiday 4 weeks after a c-section and loved being away with family and getting to spend time with baby and toddler somewhere new and special. If you're not up for it, I completely understand but it could be loads of fun and nice to have a couple of extra pairs of hands.

You don't trust him to have two of his own kids at the same time, and you say he's never so much as taken them both to soft play together.. he's useless.

Nope. You don't go. If you can really manage without dh let him go for a day or two at most. Then he comes home and collects the little ones who go for a day to see their grandparents.

Nope.

Wouldn't go.

I'd cancel.

I absolutely wouldn't go OP.
I would send DH with older two for a few days.
But if your DH can't look after the oldest two by himself for a few days I wouldn't be having any more dc for a while with him.
He needs to be more capable.

Don’t go.

It’s not going to be a holiday for you either.

I was also still sore from my sections at 6 weeks if i overdid it slightly.

It's obvious how anxious you are about the situation, but I would work on setting boundaries, something I've only just learnt to do in the past few months and it's been life changing! Explain that you will not be going this time. Let DH take the older two and you have some much needed time with the new baby yourself. Leave him to pack the bags and sort out the washing in advance, absolutely no reason why he should not be capable of this, set your expectations where they should be and you'll soon find he is actually capable of being an adult!

It is not reasonable for them to expect you to go with 2 little ones and a brand new baby. It’s also not reasonable for him to leave you.

Just decide now it’s not happening then work out how to tell him. His problem to figure out how to explain to his parents.

I think it would be unreasonable for you to do this to yourself.

A caravan, with a newborn & two little ones?
Plus BF & C-Section recovery… No way!

I wouldn't even contemplate going anywhere 6 weeks post partum especially after a c-section! You need to be at home, resting, healing and establishing a good feeding routine. Your other two children are still very small and you are going to need you DH around to do the majority of their care so you can recover. Just tell ILs you're not going to be able to go and then it's done and you can relax. If DH is wanting to spend more time with them, I'd suggest he learns to drive so that he can visit them more easily.

It just doesn't work.

You doing all the caring and driving so soon doesn't make sense.

In theory, he should be able to take solo care for some time, and letting him go with one or two of the children sounds good, but if he won't drive, this specific camp isn't practical, not only because of complexity of getting there by public transport, but it sounds there isn't that much to do there without a car either.