Page 3 | Holiday booked don’t want to go

Original poster

hdhdgueidvxkdk · 02/04/2024 15:40

LanahLane · 02/04/2024 15:31

Can your parents drive your DH and at least one child to their holiday?

You seem to have such a lot on your plate, useless DH who can’t seem to look after your two children alone and due a third.

I don’t think I’d be so focussed on the holiday and more focussed on making changes for the future so that you and your DH can manage family life.
(bedtimes, outings, driving).

Show quote history

My parents aren’t going - my in-laws haven’t offered this and even if they did it would be a definite no because of drivers visibility issues. I don’t even think they should be driving themselves nevermind with my kids.

I do agree about him driving but also I can’t force someone to get behind the wheel and we rarely get childcare so it’s a case of getting him practicing driving after 5 years of avoiding it with my children in the back, which just seems risky

OP posts:

Delatron · 02/04/2024 15:36

Not sure visibility is the right word. OP is worried about their vision. But they can’t drive for 4 hours to get DH then 2 hours to the caravan anyway.

Delatron · 02/04/2024 15:35

The parents have visibility issues and live 2 hours in other direction so them picking up the DH is not an option. I think a reschedule or cancel is the only option now.

LanahLane · 02/04/2024 15:31

hdhdgueidvxkdk · 02/04/2024 13:31

It’s not that he doesn’t cope. He’s a fab dad but also not driving makes it difficult for him to drag 2 kids to the middle of nowhere hours away and also my own anxiety doesn’t help. I’ve never been away from these 2 apart from to my parents house 5 mins down the road (and they drive and have car seats of their own so if anything happened they could come straight back/etc)

Show quote history

Can your parents drive your DH and at least one child to their holiday?

You seem to have such a lot on your plate, useless DH who can’t seem to look after your two children alone and due a third.

I don’t think I’d be so focussed on the holiday and more focussed on making changes for the future so that you and your DH can manage family life.
(bedtimes, outings, driving).

Delatron · 02/04/2024 14:14

Reading your updates OP. I think just try and postpone it until September at least? It still sounds hellish but I guess you signed up to it.
Could you throw money at it and get another caravan?

I understand DP has no way of getting there if you don’t drive. You driving 6 weeks post c-section is unsafe. So you need to move the trip back. Get him to deal with this now. Speak to in-laws and holiday company. No offence but his parents are not going to drop down dead in the next couple of months.

iLovee · 02/04/2024 13:52

Omg don't do it!!! 2 toddlers, a newborn and recovering from a c-section?! And sharing a caravan! I honestly can't think of anything worse.

I've only read your replies OP but do you have family support nearby? Could your parents come over for a couple of days to give you a hand with the toddlers and your husband have "quality time" with his?

I don't blame him or you for nor wanting to do the journey by public transport! It sounds dreadful and I wouldn't be brave enough to do it with my 2!

Or, could his parents drive to you a few days of their holiday? Driving 2 hours is tiring I know but they could visit you at home/do day trips with your husband and older kiddies/see you at home?

I also suffered horrendously with ppa/ppd and had GD so totally get your mindset right now ♥️ I would put my foot down on this I think x

siameselife · 02/04/2024 13:51

OP the more you post the more I am thinking that your anxiety might be the biggest factor here.

Your DH really does need to start driving again because life with three small dc and only one driver will be difficult. But I do agree that a trip by himself with small dc wouldn't be the perfect restart.

Also while I get traveling by yourself with toddlers on public transport isn't fun I traveled with two toddlers transatlantic with changes in Europe so I'm honestly slightly rolling my eyes at the idea your DH couldn't get a few hours away.

Rather than look for reasons for him and dc not to go I would be focusing on how they could get there and stay at home yourself with the baby.

Original poster

hdhdgueidvxkdk · 02/04/2024 13:41

RampantIvy · 02/04/2024 13:31

Read all the OP's updates.

@hdhdgueidvxkdk as you are the driver you get the final say so. If you don't feel safe to drive you won't be covered by insurance. If necessary get your health professional on board to back you up.

Besides, the 2 hour journey will take longer because you will need to stop.

Why doesn't your husband drive?

Show quote history

He had a crash that put him off driving. I’ve just told him I don’t want the responsibility of driving 6 weeks pp with a breastfeeding baby to stop for and he’s said he’ll drive then. How is that the answer. He’s told me before he’s scared to drive with the kids in the back so my anxiety is going to be any better with him driving with 3 kids and me in the back when he’s scared to drive?? Sat here crying while messaging him like a stupid baby cause he again said it’s probably his last holiday with them which makes me feel like I’m a massive bitch for feeling uncomfortable about this

OP posts:

Rosesanddaisies1 · 02/04/2024 13:32

I don’t think you should go, but I cannot fathom why you’ve left it so late? Surely you’ve known your due date for 7/8 months? And more likely they could have got a refund or rescheduled, more in advance? I think DH should go with the two other kids-it sounds like you are all too attached. They need to learn independence from you.

CagneyAndLazy · 02/04/2024 13:31

It already sounds like a bit of a crap one, even without the new baby and you only 6 weeks post CS.

I just can't imagine wanting to stay in a single caravan as family of 5, including a newborn, plus elderly people.

I'd have already made my excuses and backed out.

RampantIvy · 02/04/2024 13:31

waterrat · 02/04/2024 13:27

Can't he go and take the kids leave you with the baby???

Read all the OP's updates.

@hdhdgueidvxkdk as you are the driver you get the final say so. If you don't feel safe to drive you won't be covered by insurance. If necessary get your health professional on board to back you up.

Besides, the 2 hour journey will take longer because you will need to stop.

Why doesn't your husband drive?

Original poster

hdhdgueidvxkdk · 02/04/2024 13:31

waterrat · 02/04/2024 13:29

also it all sounds horrendous if your Dh can't cope with the two older ( I do sort of get it at their age) -

and just seen all in one caravan. absolutely NO - where will you even have that is comfortable for cluster feeding etc

It’s not that he doesn’t cope. He’s a fab dad but also not driving makes it difficult for him to drag 2 kids to the middle of nowhere hours away and also my own anxiety doesn’t help. I’ve never been away from these 2 apart from to my parents house 5 mins down the road (and they drive and have car seats of their own so if anything happened they could come straight back/etc)

OP posts:

waterrat · 02/04/2024 13:29

also it all sounds horrendous if your Dh can't cope with the two older ( I do sort of get it at their age) -

and just seen all in one caravan. absolutely NO - where will you even have that is comfortable for cluster feeding etc

waterrat · 02/04/2024 13:27

I would absolutely not go in these circumstances. You need to be prioritising your own rest and sleep at that point.

waterrat · 02/04/2024 13:27

Can't he go and take the kids leave you with the baby???

Original poster

hdhdgueidvxkdk · 02/04/2024 13:27

CJsGoldfish · 02/04/2024 12:30

I can't believe you've waited until now to decide you don't want to go. I mean, it's fair enough, I doubt I'd want to go either, but I'm pretty sure you never really intended on it once pregnant. You should have told them way earlier.
At least 'allow' your DH to go with the kids 🤷‍♀️

No actually, I felt fine about it until recently when I got my section date and started having ppd early. I can’t predict that I’d feel this depressed

OP posts:

Zippedydoodahday · 02/04/2024 13:26

See if you can push back to September when you should be more recovered and able.to enjoy it but baby 3 will still be young enough to not add to the mobile child chaos. By next summer it will be even harder with all 3 on the go.

TimeandMotion · 02/04/2024 13:23

hdhdgueidvxkdk · 02/04/2024 13:16

I don’t really think comments like this are fair. He doesn’t drive. I absolutely would not want to be getting multiple buses and trains with 2 toddlers who run off in opposite directions and a bunch of bags either.

Show quote history

But you also don’t think he has enough judgment to decide whether or not a driver is dangerous?

Original poster

hdhdgueidvxkdk · 02/04/2024 13:16

siameselife · 02/04/2024 02:37

I absolutely wouldn't go OP.
I would send DH with older two for a few days.
But if your DH can't look after the oldest two by himself for a few days I wouldn't be having any more dc for a while with him.
He needs to be more capable.

I don’t really think comments like this are fair. He doesn’t drive. I absolutely would not want to be getting multiple buses and trains with 2 toddlers who run off in opposite directions and a bunch of bags either.

OP posts:

Original poster

hdhdgueidvxkdk · 02/04/2024 13:15

PermanentTemporary · 01/04/2024 22:30

I'm completely mystified by many of the responses here.

A week away in a caravan, 6 weeks post c section, with newborn, toddler and preschooler, with extremely elderly, sight impaired inlaws...?

Husband giving you grief about it being the Last Ever Time with his parents? What?

What.The.Fuck. NO.

If his parents are well enough to go on holiday, it seems really unlikely they're about to drop dead.

Perhaps they would like to stay nearby and drop in over a week, spend some time with you?

My only question is why you are having the slightest difficulty saying 'ooh sorry, not this time haha!'

My difficulty is that I keep saying it and it gets totally brushed off 😅 like it’s gotten to the point where it feels like the only way I can actually get my point across is going to wind up in an argument which I don’t want. I’ve got 3 weeks til I have surgery, I’m already struggling as it is with being on insulin for gd, trying to get antidepressants because the ppd is getting to the point where I barely leave the house atm etc. I just don’t feel like I can deal with having a huffy dh at the same time right now. Obviously will have to at some point I guess

OP posts:

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 02/04/2024 13:01

hdhdgueidvxkdk · 01/04/2024 18:18

ILs booked a holiday about a year ago and asked if we’d go as we live opposite ends of the country so would be a nice way to meet. Was happy to at this point so said yes. We have 2 toddlers so never particularly easy but it’s only a 2 hour drive and they sleep in their own beds so don’t have to lug loads of stuff with us. Now I’m due to have a section in 3 weeks. Holiday is 6 weeks after my section so will have only just started driving again, will probably be sleeping very little as planning to breastfeed etc, and now have to pack a double pram and a moses basket in the car with 3 car seats and everyone squished ( I haven’t even bought a moses basket and don’t really have the budget to buy right now because I otherwise wouldn’t use one anyway and I’m terrified of sids and don’t want to have faith in a random caravan place providing a safe cot).

just feel so anxious about it all now. I keep saying to dh I don’t really want to go etc etc but it never really turns into a proper conversation probably because he wants to go, or if I do bring it up he’ll say ok I’ll get the train and take dd1 (3) which isn’t a solution for me because IL is borderline blind and still drives and I’m worried they convince dh to just pop her in the car with him and something happens etc. also I get ppd and ppa every pregnancy and it’s started early this time rather than just postpartum, so that’s probably contributing but in my experience that’s not going to disappear by 6 weeks pp.

Just feel so anxious and trying to subtly say can we please not do this but it’s not getting me anywhere and I don’t want to upset people

Are you sharing the cost of the holiday?
If yes, I would ask if it can be postponed to next summer and you will pay the difference
If no, the same or they can go ahead without you.

It's not practical and in considering the timing, the advice of your health visitor and the prospect of sharing a caravan with a screaming newborn and two very small children you don't think it will be an enjoyable experience for anyone least of all your inlaws. You might have to bite the bullet and invite them to stay with you/nearby hotel at your cost or make a commitment to travel to them at some point in between.

Roll on Summer 2025. If they want to postpone, I'm not sure it would still be my idea of fun but hopefully past the worst of it all.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 02/04/2024 12:39

hdhdgueidvxkdk · 01/04/2024 18:46

My other worry is that they’re both very old and dh keeps saying he thinks it’ll be the last quality time he has with them. Which I understand. TBH I don’t even care if he goes and leaves me at home with all 3 kids if he wants the quality family time but I just don’t feel like I’ll physically or mentally be in the place to go myself

Have you suggested he go on his own? Admittedly I was glad to see the back of XH as he was being a real dick, but 3 under 4 on my own 2 weeks post c-section was fine. I would have happily offered him to go on his own in this situation.

CJsGoldfish · 02/04/2024 12:30

I can't believe you've waited until now to decide you don't want to go. I mean, it's fair enough, I doubt I'd want to go either, but I'm pretty sure you never really intended on it once pregnant. You should have told them way earlier.
At least 'allow' your DH to go with the kids 🤷‍♀️

RampantIvy · 02/04/2024 12:26

Pushmepullu · 02/04/2024 11:32

A woman on her third child not knowing how to go into another room or cover herself without suffocating her baby when breastfeeding? How’s that for a ridiculous obstacle..
She doesn’t want to go, and I can understand her reluctance to , but tell her husband that, he can go with the other children.

Edited

Show quote history

They are staying in a caravan, not a hotel.
The husband doesn't drive
The inlaws do but probably shouldn't because their eyesight is bad.
The one year old is still a baby and will probably keep everyone awake from the crying because it has never had a night away from its mother.

Don't be silly. What is reasonable about the above?

@hdhdgueidvxkdk just put your foot down and say you aren't going or aren't able to make a decision about going until you know you feel able to.

A non driver has no rights to demand that you drive if you aren't up to it.

Are there any plans for your husband to learn to drive (assuming he is medically fit to learn)?

MaryFuckingFerguson · 02/04/2024 12:25

A caravan, a new baby, two very young kids, 6 weeks post section and having to drive there?

It sounds like hell on so many levels. I’d cancel. (Actually, I’d get my husband to go with the older kids but I get that you can’t do that)

Why does your husband not drive?