Holiday booked don’t want to go

we don’t have a pram that works on the bus because it’s a giant double thing I can see why he wouldn’t want to walk 40 mins to the nearest park or soft play in his defence. I don’t think I’d leave the house much without my car either

Surely a 3yo doesnt need a pram for the bus, or at all really? Can't you source a cheap secondhand single pram and/or a carrier if the baby doesnt like the pram? Many people with kids don't have cars.

He has 6 weeks to practice taking them out and then will feel more confident taking them on the caravan holiday he's so desperate to go on. You need to let him be a parent.

thank you - I’ve had therapy but I find it impossible to actually talk about things properly because it’s always in dh’s working hours so I have to take the kids. And I don’t really want to say infront of a 3 year old who repeats everything that I feel sad/having extreme thoughts.

I'm amazed that a therapist even agreed to conduct a session with a child present, that really wouldn't work for the reasons you mentioned. It's really harmful for a child to be privy to those conversations. It's not therapy if you can't be open or honest.

What type of therapy is it? Can't you put your 3yo into nursery using their free hours entitlement? And/or have some therapy on evenings/weekends. For how bad things are it really sounds like you need to pay for a course of proper psycotherapy.

Told both my consultant and midwife I’m having suicidal thoughts and they don’t seem interested tbh

This is shocking and awful. There should be a mental health team you can request to be referred to if you phone the midwives.

That’s the in laws - with visibility issues. I meant the OP’s parents. Just trying to come up with a positive solution.

I know your parents are not going.
I was more wondering if your parents were willing to support you all. Driving your DH and DC to their holiday, perhaps staying over somewhere…before they drive home.
Trying to help with solving the problem rather than taking a negative stance.

I'm not sure if you have had a CS before, and while recovery is mostly fine it is tough and you will only start to feel yourself around 2 months after. Why do you think a 6week check is necessary by your doctor? How do you know you will be ok at 6weeks?
Rather tell them earlier than last minute, they still have time to cancel. Your dh needs to wake up behave like a husband and prioritise his wife and children.

Well I agree that your dh is behaving like a poor partner and father. Anyone with half a brain wouldn't allow their child to be in a car driven by someone who isn't safe. But here he is.
Anyone with half a brain would NOT think to expect his newborn and postpartum wife on this holiday. It's not even a comfortable, luxurious one where you can have your space and just recover if you need. It's a caravan with 7 people and I'm sure you will be expected to cook and do stuff for everyone too. Even taking one child makes your problem worse, how will you manage with a new born and another little toddler? But again, here he is.
Anyone with half a brain, wouldn't expect a women who just had a baby to do this trip, but then again here are your PIL.
You need to do what is best for you, because you are the one who is giving birth. Stop pleasing everyone else, because everyone else clearly doesn't care about YOU.

Really don't worry about your 3yo seeing you crying once or twice. Crying is a normal part of life for children - it was just a matter of interest to her: oh, Mummy's crying, I do that too!

Can your mum not look after the 3yo while you go to therapy?

i do agree my anxiety is a huge factor in this but a) I’m trying to get help for it and

It sounds like you are really suffering ❤What sort of help are you trying to get? Have you had therapy in the past? Sounds like you could need a course of psychotherapy. Preganancy is a fantastic time to deal with stuff as the hormones bring everything to the fore. It will help you understand why you're unable to assert yourself in your relationship or maintain healthy boundaries.

when I’m at work he doesn’t take them out on his own because he struggles (they want carried, they hate being in the pram, you let them walk and the youngest toddles off in the opposite direction etc etc usual toddler things)

This is very concerning. So he's a stay at home dad? What do they do all day? Sounds like the pram is not working - can he use a carrier for the one year old and how about a scooter for the 3yo? Kids need to get out and about. If he struggles the only way he can improve is practice. God forbid this would happen, but what if you dropped down dead one day?

Well this all has disaster written all over it tbh, with the caravan holiday being the least of your concerns frankly

If your DH hated you for potentially saving your FILs life by ensuring he did not drive, that is not the action of someone who loves their father.

It's poor human behaviour.

He's literally ignoring all your concerns. Decent human beings don't do that. They don't get grumpy when you raise it and they don't blackmail you re the imminent demise of their parents. Plus they can usually manage to take more than one child out, and to put them to bed.

Agree but the OP said she was happy to go away with them when it was booked so must get on ok with them!
I posted merely to give another aspect to it all that’s all….

Husband can take the older 2 - either public transport or driving.

I have anxiety and had terrible PND and PNA but it didn't give me the right to dictate everything

Poor human is a rubbish phrase - apologies. I'm in your side. My point was, what type of person ignores the needs of someone very unwell and puts their own needs first? All this nonsense about a last holiday - he can get a train to go visit them in a few months, or invite them over to stay in a hotel. He also - you said - keeps IGNORING you when you raise it... unless I'm mistaken? And you don't want to push it or else he will be grumpy? That's not normal!

Right now you sound like a broken record. A woman putting the needs of others first at the expense of her own health and then wanting some sort of praise for martyrdom?!

I had diagnosed PND and was just giving another aspect to think about.
Both holidays really helped me and although it did not take away some of the anxiety of dealing with a new baby and toddler it took away the worry of housework, visitors, cooking meals and all that side of things.

Not my in laws but our friends! Four adults, toddler, newborn and a dog!

Friends - people who you have chosen yourself to spend time with.
Inlaws - you don't chose them. They are the baggage that comes with your spouse.

There is a world of difference between the two, and the OP says she barely knows her inlaws. Plus, she has other issues which you clearly didn't have.

Not my in laws but our friends! Four adults, toddler, newborn and a dog!
Our friends didn’t have children then but helped by entertaining the toddler, holding the baby when needed and to be honest just being away from the house and not worrying about housework, visitors etc really helped me to relax a bit.

Three small children like steps of stairs, a husband who won't drive, piles on the guilt about your ILs and can't manage the two children you already have, plus your anxiety, and a holiday that was always ridiculous because you were sharing a single caravan with your ILs!

In laws who the OP barely knows, who are visually impaired, apparently about to drop dead but able to drive and go on holiday.

I stand by my earlier ‘useless’ H comment. And I’d like to add ‘totally unsupportive’. What a total mess.

Well, you actually said a bit more than that: you said he doesn't leave the house if he's got both of the DC.

I wonder why you both decided on a third when you have anxiety problems and he finds two children hard to manage, but don't feel you have to explain that, I knows it's not relevant to this situation or thread.

right now just say to him...i am absolutely not going and you need to tell your parents it's not manageable 6 weeks pp. He shouldn't be going and leaving you either. The last holiday thing is ridiculous, anyone can drop dead at any time- his dad is well enough to drive for heavens sake, he's using that to manipulate you.

What are you looking for from this thread OP?

There are several options available to you that previous posters have shared.

What exactly are you expecting to happen?

You don't want to accept the reality (that your husband is a poor partner and human) and until you realise he is letting you down you can't really move forward.

It's completely ridiculous for a very unwell and postpartum woman to go on this "holiday". If you disagree with that, then just go and stop fussing. If you agree, SAY NO!

I don't understand. I don't understand why your MIL is countenancing this. She presumably gave birth at least once? Did she ever have a section? Your dh is a father of two, why doesn't he get it??

I think this may be one of those times you just have to own it. Accept that nobody in your family is going to give you anything but grief, and just refuse anyway. Tbh I don't think your dh should be heading off leaving you for a week at that point post-section either.

And when it's tipping with rain all week so that theyre trapped indoors, the caravan toilet floods backwards, and your PILS get dysentery and end up in an underfunded small A&E, you can at least think 'well, at least I haven't got a jaundiced baby and an infected section scar rn' as you make another cuppa and welcome your older ones back from the park.