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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it won’t be hard to conceive?

133 replies

Wedonttalkaboutprunesno · 01/04/2024 16:52

Baby #3?

but I’m approaching that age where fertility starts it’s decline but I do have a high AMH.

our first were 7 months and first month so would it stand to reason that #3 would be the same?

my age worries me a bit but I spoke to my GP and they were quite dismissive of any concerns, and said if I’ve conceived 2 naturally there’s no reason to think a third would be challenging

OP posts:
Rosesanddaisies1 · 01/04/2024 19:26

Sorry but this is quite crass and unnecessary. You’ve had two kids. If you want a third, start trying. Asking the opinion of internet strangers will not get you pregnant. There is no way to know if it’ll happen but the odds are in your favour. Of course you have to prepare for it not happening but be grateful for what you do have

Original poster
Wedonttalkaboutprunesno · 01/04/2024 19:25

DojaPhat · 01/04/2024 19:21

What I don't understand is have you actually been ttc and have had no success? Or are you looking for the experiences of others? What is it that you want people to address? Confused

i guess if it’s actually ‘easy’ if you’ve conceived and carried to term a few times before even when considering age

OP posts:
Original poster
Wedonttalkaboutprunesno · 01/04/2024 19:23

Notmyuser · 01/04/2024 19:21

No wonder the doctor fobbed you off then. You don’t just go in with a list of unrelated complaints. What did you want her to do exactly?

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It was an unrelated query but in the general vicinity to make it relevant

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 01/04/2024 19:23

Hi OP, the NHS will not do any tests at all when you are not even actively ttc and it’s worth noting that with children already you will not be entitled to much on the NHS.

However if you want to then there are lots of private clinics who offer “fertility MOT” type things so you could always do that if you want some info.

That said though, none of those gives any guarantee re secondary infertility so either way it is really a “until you try you’ll never know” situation x

DojaPhat · 01/04/2024 19:21

What I don't understand is have you actually been ttc and have had no success? Or are you looking for the experiences of others? What is it that you want people to address? Confused

Notmyuser · 01/04/2024 19:21

Wedonttalkaboutprunesno · 01/04/2024 19:17

I was there for another Reason and just asked the dr, not got a specific appointment for that purpose

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No wonder the doctor fobbed you off then. You don’t just go in with a list of unrelated complaints. What did you want her to do exactly?

Original poster
Wedonttalkaboutprunesno · 01/04/2024 19:17

Toottooot · 01/04/2024 19:15

Why even waste the GP’s time before you even start trying. You struggle to conceive then you seek assistance. Nae ken the NHS is struggling and folk canna get appointments for actual problems?

I was there for another Reason and just asked the dr, not got a specific appointment for that purpose

OP posts:
FayCarew · 01/04/2024 19:16

Why have you posted in AIBU? not in Conception?

TeaKitten · 01/04/2024 19:16

Wedonttalkaboutprunesno · 01/04/2024 19:12

I thought 35 was ‘the age’

im definitely NOT taking it for granted, rather the opposite. Worried if I mentally commit to ttc and it doesn’t happen, I don’t think I could pursue IVF (the financial costs with my other children etc)

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But TTC is only the first step of it. Chances of miscarriage or other things being wrong are higher, the fact is if you want a third you have to take a roll of the dice and accept what comes with it. With two healthy kids many would stick with what they have, but it doesn’t mean you should. But those private tests won’t give you all the answers, the GP can’t say much else at this stage. So I’d look at it as a holistic thing rather than just ‘should I commit to TTC’ before deciding if that makes sense.

Original poster
Wedonttalkaboutprunesno · 01/04/2024 19:16

Moveoverdarlin · 01/04/2024 19:11

Eh? You’re not trying to conceive? But worrying that if you were, would it be a problem?

EXACTLY what the GP has said ‘At 35 if you have conceived twice before with no problem it should be reasonably easy’.

This is a very strange post indeed. TTC is so bloody traumatic for so many women, you had an easy journey and are creating problems where there are none. You said you wanted to know to avoid any hurt, you can’t do that, that’s life. You just never know, but looking at the bare bones of it - you’ll be fine!!!

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No, we’re deciding whether to go for it, ultimately it’s not a fantastic time work wise but my cycle has been all over the place, should’ve put that in the OP. I’ve got quite a bit of anxiety about it actually.

the ‘if’ it would be so easy, if actually I’ve been so goddamn lucky thus far and my luck would run out and trying for a third feels like pushing my luck etc, but ultimately I really do want a 3rd, there’s a lot of reasons for and against

OP posts:
Toottooot · 01/04/2024 19:15

Why even waste the GP’s time before you even start trying. You struggle to conceive then you seek assistance. Nae ken the NHS is struggling and folk canna get appointments for actual problems?

YellowMellowJelly · 01/04/2024 19:14

SarahAndQuack · 01/04/2024 18:29

Do you realise that's a really goady, nasty OP you've posted?

If you want to ask the question, fine. There are ways of doing that. But you didn't need to post it as a smug AIBU, did you?

Don't be so soft.

Zonder · 01/04/2024 19:14

Wedonttalkaboutprunesno · 01/04/2024 19:07

Felt it was implied when I said that age when fertility starts to decline

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Some sources cite 30 as the age fertility starts to decline. YABU.

Original poster
Wedonttalkaboutprunesno · 01/04/2024 19:12

TeaKitten · 01/04/2024 19:10

Why would anyone no from that comment? Fertility starts to decline at 30 and then spends up later on before dropping off a Cliff. If you were 30 it’d be easier, if you were posting this at 42 obviously it’d all be different. At 35 who knows really. But if you mess around getting tests you are further running out of time, so I guess it depends how essential a third is to you. I absolutely wouldn’t take for granted you will easily have a third.

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I thought 35 was ‘the age’

im definitely NOT taking it for granted, rather the opposite. Worried if I mentally commit to ttc and it doesn’t happen, I don’t think I could pursue IVF (the financial costs with my other children etc)

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 01/04/2024 19:11

Wedonttalkaboutprunesno · 01/04/2024 18:59

But I’m not ttc, genuinely questioning the reasonableness of it being ‘easy’ to conceive if you have before

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Eh? You’re not trying to conceive? But worrying that if you were, would it be a problem?

EXACTLY what the GP has said ‘At 35 if you have conceived twice before with no problem it should be reasonably easy’.

This is a very strange post indeed. TTC is so bloody traumatic for so many women, you had an easy journey and are creating problems where there are none. You said you wanted to know to avoid any hurt, you can’t do that, that’s life. You just never know, but looking at the bare bones of it - you’ll be fine!!!

TeaKitten · 01/04/2024 19:10

Wedonttalkaboutprunesno · 01/04/2024 19:07

Felt it was implied when I said that age when fertility starts to decline

Show quote history

Why would anyone no from that comment? Fertility starts to decline at 30 and then spends up later on before dropping off a Cliff. If you were 30 it’d be easier, if you were posting this at 42 obviously it’d all be different. At 35 who knows really. But if you mess around getting tests you are further running out of time, so I guess it depends how essential a third is to you. I absolutely wouldn’t take for granted you will easily have a third.

TruthorDie · 01/04/2024 19:10

Fertility is very unpredictable. My AMH was excellent -way better than my friends daughter who was 20 years younger than me. I was only able to conceive with IVF

Abovedeckdeck · 01/04/2024 19:09

I fell pregnant the first month of trying with my first in my early thirties. Roll on 3 years and suffered secondary infertility trying for my 2nd. Spent years and years and £££’s on IVF.
My SIL had a very similar experience but didn’t do IVF.
Fertility for women does seem to really drop after the age of 35 and people tend to always think that this happens later.

Original poster
Wedonttalkaboutprunesno · 01/04/2024 19:07

TeaKitten · 01/04/2024 18:59

You did not say your age in your OP.

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Felt it was implied when I said that age when fertility starts to decline

OP posts:
Original poster
Wedonttalkaboutprunesno · 01/04/2024 19:06

TeaKitten · 01/04/2024 19:03

At 35 I wouldn’t waste your time getting fertility tests before even deciding to TTC, they wouldn’t tell you about your chances of miscarriage anyway. If you want a third baby now is the time to be cracking on and trying.

I’ve just gone through a bit of a rough patch work wise, so ideally wouldn’t start yet but would if I knew it might be a longer road, but equally wouldn’t want to wait and there be a problem, compounded with age

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 01/04/2024 19:03

At 35 I wouldn’t waste your time getting fertility tests before even deciding to TTC, they wouldn’t tell you about your chances of miscarriage anyway. If you want a third baby now is the time to be cracking on and trying.

DramaAlpaca · 01/04/2024 19:03

OP, you've conceived two naturally, within the normal range of time it usually takes. You're by no means old at 35, especially as you've already had two children. I strongly suspect you know this, and even if you didn't mean to be goady it does come across a bit that way especially as you've posted in AIBU. If you want a third baby, just get on with trying.

TheSnowyOwl · 01/04/2024 19:02

Wedonttalkaboutprunesno · 01/04/2024 18:59

But I’m not ttc, genuinely questioning the reasonableness of it being ‘easy’ to conceive if you have before

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From the age of 35, I conceived six times. I had a first trimester miscarriage, a second trimester miscarriage and a neonatal death. All were conceived within three cycles but there was nothing easy about it as conception was just the start.

Nobodyknowsitall5 · 01/04/2024 19:00

Yabu. This is a shitty post.

TeaKitten · 01/04/2024 18:59

Wedonttalkaboutprunesno · 01/04/2024 18:57

35, I said in my OP the age when fertility starts to decline

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You did not say your age in your OP.