My Mother-in-Law and sister’s wedding

Same

As it's a big wedding then it would make sense to invite your MIL.

Top of guest list - close family and friends. Then other relatives, work colleagues who you get on well with, and then finally there's the table of people you need to invite to be polite and avoid politics or sulking.

But ultimately it's your sister's wedding and she should get to say who comes.

It's not about blood, marriage, or family...its about the relationship.
How close is MIL to your sister....or your parents?

When parents pay for a wedding they get a bigger say in the guest list and traditionally the wedding invite comes from the brides parents (when traditionally they pay).
In your case your MIL seems very traditional.she paid for her daughters wedding but not her sons. So she probably sees it as your parents are in control of the wedding and the guest list and should invite her.

But if she does not spend much time with them or yorh sister. And your sister is paying for her own wedding then that old fashioned etiquette goes out the window.

i don’t actually know my brother’s in laws - I don’t consider them family or friends and would definitely not invite them to anything family related…

Your wife needs to stay out of it who does she think she is insisting you demand an invite for her mum. You have no place insisting anything at your sisters wedding.

But it's not "shit"!

It's perfectly reasonable that in OP's family culture sibling's in laws are not invited. This thread has demonstrated that his family are not unusual in that.

Your MIL and wife are unreasonable to expect an invitation. I say that as someone who would invite my brother’s or sister’s in laws as I’m from a culture that does so.

However, your in laws should now no longer invite your parents and sister to anything.m, as the line has been drawn in the sand.

It could depend on OP’s culture, in mine in-laws are often invited. Honestly OP all you can do is say to your MIL that it’s shit and you are very sorry but theres nothing you can do.

I'm my family, your MIL would have been considered one of the main characters and invited.

It sounds like this pressure is coming from your wife. Perhaps partly because your daughter will look lovely and cute as a flower girl, and your wife wants her mum to share in that pleasure. I suggest saying: I asked my sister, she's said no, we just have to accept it. I don't feel embarrassed, if you do, that's your perogative.

I don’t think it’s common place to invite your siblings in laws.

When my sister got married, my MIL wasn’t invited but my brothers in laws were because my sister knew them quite well.

None of my siblings in laws were invited to my wedding.

When my brother got married, none of my siblings in laws were invited. But my SILs sisters in laws were as again, my SIL knew them well.

I guess it all depends on the relationships but I don’t think it’s common place to invite them.

DH’s parents paid for our wedding 50/50 with my parents. They were not invited to my sibling’s wedding.

Like pps, I'm wondering if it's so she can see your daughter being a flower girl

two of my siblings are married I’ve met the (parent and sibling) in-laws at my siblings weddings and I’m sure in the future I may meet them at another family event that focuses on the couple or their children like a birthday or christening etc but I am not friends with any of the in-laws so it wouldn’t even be on my radar to invite them to my wedding as they are not related to me and I don’t know them.
just as it didn’t occur to my siblings to invite any of my dh’s family to their weddings and it didn’t even cross our minds that it was a thing until this post.

have I missed something.
is your wife’s mother friends with either the bride or groom?
is mil close to your parents? It doesn’t actually change anything but at a stretch it might be a reason to think that your parents may want an invite for them although that’s a whole different thread. lol
Have they spent any significant time together above pleasantries at other events?

my point I think is this woman is YOUR family but she isn’t your sister family

The only time I could see this happening is if there was an existing relationship.

My friend and husband's families were fairly close so did get invited to each other's big events but that's the only reason.

I think this type of invite would be more likely to happen in the days when wedding receptions were big hired halls with a buffet and DJ and numbers mattered slightly less but that's not how it is now for the most part. People don't invite randoms out of duty thank fuck!

In all my years (66) I've never heard of In Laws being invited to a siblings wedding!

It's certainly not normal etiquette that I'm aware of.

Agree with this. It’s nothing to do with you and your wife and mil are being ridiculous. Please don’t speak to your sister about it. It’s her wedding to choose who she wants to invite.

my in-laws weren’t invited to my brothers wedding and my mum wasn’t invited to all my bils weddings either. It’s not the norm.

My brothers and sister never invited my in laws to their weddings and myself and my husband have been together 23 years. Likewise my parents weren't invited to any of our sil/bils weddings.

They know them from family things we occassionaly have and none of my inlaws expected an invite to my sister/brothers weddings. Pretty strange of your wife and mother in law to expect an invite.

Your MIL is being unreasonable. Yes, she was very generous to you but thats surely because she cares about you and her daughter, your wife. If giving you money has strings attached to it then that should have been made clear from the outset. Its not your wedding and you cant demand invitations for people who arent close to your sister.

I think you'll just have to ride this one out and tell them that you have spoken to your sister but she wants a small wedding and thats that. There really isnt anything else you can do in this scenario. IF they start getting pissy with you then you need to tell them they are being out of order- its not your bloody wedding to decide the guest list!

It wouldn't cross my mind that my brother's inlaws would expect to be invited to my wedding.

And it hasn't happened in any of the many weddings I have attended over several decades.

Your wife needs to back off and let this go. It is not her wedding, and your sister can invite who she pleases. If your wife is that upset, she is free to stay home and not attend the wedding if she feels that strongly about it.

Your mother-in-law would really want an invitation given under pressure? Why would she want to be invited to an event she isn't wanted at? It's so weird.

Your wife is being unreasonable.
Are your family south East Asian by any chance ?

Depends how well your sister knows your MIL? How good she’s been to you, financially or otherwise is irrelevant, it’s your sisters wedding, her guest list.

I would mention it to your parents if they are paying for the wedding and have accepted hospitality from your MIL. It may have been an oversight on their part and they may be really embarrassed later when they find out. Sister will get over it.

And their DGD being a flower girl increases the reasons they would like to be there to see that.

Your wife is being an idiot and your sister has no obligation to the parents of the woman her brother chose to marry.

If your wife's parents were financially contributing to your sisters wedding then and only then would it be rude to not invite them.