My Mother-in-Law and sister’s wedding

How well do they know eachother? I've never met any of my siblings in laws. Bar one SILs mother briefly on her wedding morning. I couldn't even tell you their names. It would never occur to me to invite them.

But honestly it's not.your decision so just say to MIL "I'm sorry, I did speak to her but there's nothing I can do."

Agree with others, entirely a personal matter.

We are rural Scotland, families live very close, big farm weddings.

My parents didn't go to one of DH brothers weddings, did the other. Just depends on how often they see them and socialising I suppose.

I depends on the relationship, on my opinion. We have a very close knit family and I remember both sets of my grandparents were invited to both my uncle and aunties weddings. So My Dad's parents (and Dads brother) were invited to my Mum's sister's wedding, and my Mum's parents (and Mum's sister) were also invited to my Dad's brothers wedding. And I have friends who's done exactly the same, but again, the families were quite close so it was a no brainier.

In contrast, I have never met my brother's wife's parents so if I were to get married now, they'd not get an invite. BUT, my Brother used to get on well with my Husband's mum before she passed, so he invited her to his wedding.

It all depends really....

Unless there are different cultural expectations involved I can’t see what the hell your MIL and wife are on about.

They only place I would expect all these people to mix would be at an event for you, your wife or your children.

I wouldn't expect my DH's siblings to invite my parents to their weddings or for my siblings to invite my inlaws to their weddings.

My family and DH's are from different parts of the country so we don't socialise as a group apart from when we did at our wedding.

It would perhaps be different if we all met up regularly, Gavin and Stacey style.

None of us are from a culture where inviting large numbers of extended family or our wider communities is the norm for weddings.

Your wife and MIL have absolutely no business being outraged about your MIL not being invited to your sister's wedding.

You married into your wife's family, and have a relationship with your in laws.

Your sister has not, and will not. Your sister will have her own in laws to deal with.

Your wife and MIL need to rein it in. Your MIL's generosity to you is completely irrelevant to your sister.

If I had a sister and she invited my MIL to her wedding, I’d be asking why.

It’s weird.

This is your sisters( and her fiances) wedding.. up to them who is invited... Poor show if your wife and her mother keep a tally of who is invited to what..

But OP’s parents aren’t paying for his wife’s sister’s wedding.

It may be normal for your family but I definitely don’t think it’s etiquette.

No, why would your sister invite your MIL? They’re barely family. My siblings don’t know my in laws and my parents barely know my siblings in law. For me it would be weird unless they know each other very well.

This is the sort of thing that varies hugely by culture. In some cultures it would be considered rude not to invite her. In your average white British family, I’d say the bride and groom set the guest list and it’s definitely not uncommon to leave a sibling’s in laws off that list!

They would be invited in our family particularly if the parents are paying for the wedding. Having said that, if they are not invited it is not a slight in any way and it is extraordinary to make a fuss. That is where the bad manners lie.

It's your sisters wedding. That's all that needs to said. Her day. Her guest list.

Yes

My MIL was invited to my sisters wedding and made a huge fuss about how far it was (an hour) and how she needed a plus 1.. that didn't happen!

It sounds very old fashioned and formal to me, I don’t know many brides who would extend this invite. That being said could you offer to your sister to pay for the cost of inviting them?

My sister’s in-laws came to my wedding - that was 30+ years ago. We knew them well, we had Christmas meals together, I went to BIL’s sister’s wedding etc.
We come from an area where everyone knows everyone else.

On the other hand, DH’s BIL family were not invited, and that was his/ his parents choice. They just did not know us well.

So I think it depends on how close the familial relationships are .

We are Scottish if the cultural thing is important.

I have never even heard of ILs of one sibling being invited to the other sibling's wedding. I'm so surprised that other people think this is "the norm".

I've met my sister's MIL a few times and liked her, but it would never have crossed my mind to invite her to my wedding (if I was getting married, which I'm not).

My parents are invited to my sister in laws wedding soon.

I appreciate all families are different but I've just been trying to put this into the context of our family and no, it absolutely wouldn't have occurred to us to invite my Brother's Wife's Parents to our wedding (although they are lovely).

In families that were very close and spent more time together at various celebrations and what have you then I could see how it would be a nice gesture.

Ultimately it's up to your Sister and her Fiancé though, no matter what your Wife says or thinks. There's no etiquette rule on it, no matter how much your MIL has helped you in your life.

MIL wouldn't be invited for weddings in my family - largely because of numbers, with so many directly related aunts, uncles, cousins etc.

I think in general the mother of a brother's wife is unlikely to be invited, even if parents of the bride control the guest list.

Please don't approach your parents - you will be challenging your sister's decision and that will not go down well.

You may have benefited from your MIL largess but your sister has not. Your state of being beholden does not cover your entire family. And if I were your sister, I'd be telling you this in no uncertain terms

Totally ridiculous. Your MIL is your family, not your sisters. I wouldn’t recognise my brothers’ living PIL in a line up but I know my DH’s brothers PIL and it never would have crossed our minds to invite them to our wedding.

It would never have occurred to me or DH to invite his brother's MIL to our wedding. Why would we? She not related to us at all, and we barely know the woman.