Ex sending DC back sick?

This.

I’m actually with you OP. I have 50:50 with my ex. Twice one of our three (teen/primary age) have come down with sickness while with me. I’ve kept them with me longer than the contact arrangement (a) so the child is comfortable and (b) to contain it. Sent them back when well. I keep exh informed how they are and he checks in with the teens himself via phone.

I don’t know how I would feel if they had got sick at his, because I like to be there for them when they are ill, but if I also had a small baby that would probably - like you - be my priority, because it’s more dangerous for small babies, and to avoid me getting it and being unable to care for all of the kids. It would be a tough call though if I felt my older kids just needed me because I’m their mum.

I really think he should have discussed with you the best thing to do here.

YABU!

He should definitely have mentioned it, yes. Communication costs nothing.

Should he have handed over to you with them ill? It depends on how the two of you do things. It does look like a precedent has been set of not passing on illness to the other household, so in those circumstances I’d have thought he’d give you the option.

I also think there’s something in there being a small baby in your household - usually there’d be consideration given to that factor. Plus the kids might not want to be moved whilst sick.

Otherwise I’d have thought the “norm” would be for kids to go to the other parent anyway because it’s their parent they’re going to.

I’ve been know in the past not to send my kids to their dad whilst sick but that’s because they often don’t want to go there sick, and he doesn’t really look after them properly (crap I know - but I could start a whole thread on that). He would normally send them back here though!

We were sent my DSS twice with Covid, he was visibly ill and said he hadn't been allowed to test at his mums. One time it absolutely ruined a long awaited family party as of course we had to cancel once he was in the house, the other time I couldn't see my sister who was in the UK from overseas and comes only once a year.

Not only was it bad for us, it was awful for him as he asked to test when he got to us so was aware of the issues and felt really guilty even though it wasn't at all his fault and we told him that.

We didn't say anything to his mum but it felt really unreasonable of her to not test or give us a heads up. I would have kept them in his situation, or at least told you and asked you and the kids your opinions.

DS is still young so I inform ex of illness on drop off but I don't expect to be doing that with teens.

If DS was bed bound, round the clock vomiting then I'd keep him, purely because it wouldnt be fair to him to make him move, but otherwise I'd still send him. It's not really your exes job to protect your new baby from childhood illnesses.

Ok so TELL you ex that it was thoughtless of him to send the children to you sick, without warning, when he knows you are alone with an infant. The least he could have done was given you a head’s up and offered to get you the cleaning and med supplies which you were suddenly going to need and which you had no time or warning to get into the house.

I would have been furious!! Kids stay put when ill with sickness or covid etc. no one needs that. I don’t allow my step kids with these illnesses either and vice versa - literally no family needs the germs spread about, not to mention the fact that kids that feel shit should be tucked up in bed ; not being dragged about!

Yanbu!! At all. Im annoyed on your behalf. He should have kept them til 48hiurs clear of last persons sickness. Ignorant twat.

what difference would it have made if he told you prior to dropping them off, oh by the way they are poorly?

She might have had a chance not to hug them when they first came into the house. Get in appropriate medication/ more cleaning supplies this morning while chemist open. Set up rooms for them to camp out in for a few days if needed. It would have been courteous to let OP know. I think it also depends if the ex would knowingly take them if they became ill during OP's time. Having a young baby also makes a difference.

what difference would it have made if he told you prior to dropping them off, oh by the way they are poorly?.. I'm assuming you are the mother? what did you want him to do, keep them until they were well?

i know my kids when they were little only ever wanted their mom when they were poorly and to be honest, if they were poorly i wanted them home where i could care for them.

i know its sexist and i know all the feminists will jump all over me, but in my eyes, poorly kids need their mum.

i think you are being petty

Kids get sick. He didn't deliberately make them sick.

Put a face mask on, keep the baby away from them, ventilate the house and wipe down all surfaces and thoroughly clean the bathroom.

Yabu

You're asking two different things

Should he have mentioned they werent well - yess thats good communication and good coparenting to talk to you about their welfare and how they've been

Should they have come home when it was time to come home even they they are ill - depends on what the arrangement and agreements are between you, there is no right or wrong about this, particularly in the light you have a baby with you.

When DC are ill during my time with them (ill enough for it to keep them off school for example, not every sniffle) I would inform ex and offer him the option of me keeping hold of them therefore keep the germs to my house, or them going back on time. He generally asks me to keep hold of them. You aren’t unreasonable to want that level of courtesy and my and ex avoid each other as much as possible so it’s not like we have an amicable relationship.

You are definitely not a terrible mother - just trying to do the best for everyone. It would have been considerate of him to have kept the children for a while longer but it sounds like he couldn't wait to get rid. If anyone is the shit parent it is him. The last thing the children needed was to be taken in the car back home when they are vomiting and suffering from upset stomachs. They are old enough to realise that the best thing is for them to stay in their rooms until they are better. For the record I have had a vomiting bug when breastfeeding and - hard as it was - I still continued to breastfeed and didn't lose my milk. Baby didn't get it. Take care of yourself.

Try and confine them to the bathroom and bedrooms while they are ill. They can have ipads, books, tv, whatever, there. Completely reasonable not to want to spread it throughout the house and for the baby to get it. Or you, especially if you are breastfeeding.

If it is your time to have them why wouldn't they come back? Also, the kids are old enough to tell you so unsure why ex needs to? Not something I would get worked up about.

There will be a whole batch of other people who would get the hump if their ex didn't return them on time for their residence time.

He should have told you, but it wasn't unreasonable for him to send them back home to you.