Ex sending DC back sick?

I’d definitely rather have mine with me where I could look after them, rather than at their dads when he’s working and not really paying attention. Baby or no new baby (and to be fair your kids could have easily got sick on your time and left you in the exact same situation - it’s just part of life).

Sorry to hear you have it too. Take no notice of the spiteful comments. You are not being unreasonable and this could have been avoided. Why wouldn’t you be considerate and try and contain the illness to one household? Heartbreaking about your baby. I do hope you feel better soon.

That sounds stressful OP. He should have warned you.

But I would definitely want my kids back to look after them.

Get well soon though. X

No need to be so horrible about it, geez!

So sorry @nc235 I hope it passes quickly and today isn't too dreadful.

I certainly don't think you were being unreasonable x

This exactly. It's all about him and "his work". Yanbu OP.

I think he should have offered to keep them as his was the household who’d already been exposed to the bug. It was pretty inconsiderate to bring them back to you and not say anything, and it was mean to drag two poorly kids out in a car.

I hope you and the baby don’t catch it.

I think he should have offered to keep them at his tbh. It's a dick move imo to send kids back to household where there's a baby,, if a good alternative option exists.

I ask my ex to keep DC if there's anything contagious or if DC would have to be off school, because I can't take time off work. He's always happy to and DC prefers not to have to travel about when unwell.

Also, although I get angsty and miss my DC...I also need downtime and if I had a baby I don't think I'd miss older DC soooo much that I wouldn't leap at the chance of a rest (unless they're all really good with housework and helping out with the baby, that is!). :)

The obvious thing to do would have been to have called you and given you the option. People with DV shouldn’t be moved between households for 48 hours where it’s avoidable to minimise the risk of spreading it. That said, I’d want my kids home and in their own beds if they felt poorly.

Yes you're right...it is sexist 🙄 and silly.. they've been with the other parent anyway both parents should be just as capable. I'd say u sound petty yourself, what do you mean what difference would it make... erm a headsup means you can prepare and what's this utter rubbish 'I'm assuming you're the mother' of course she's the flipping mother.

P.s I'm not a feminist!

Should have been given a heads up, but I don't see why they would have to stay longer, and he may not be able to facilitate longer. Kids get sick, and some have 2 households. A heads up would have been nice, but I would have also still brought them back, as long as they were ok to travel

We’re kept in the dark about any sickness or illness or even accidents requiring hospital treatment it’s infuriating. Despite this, one weekend, one had a headache and she went mental we didn’t tell her. It’s a good job she spoke to my partner and not me because I wouldn’t have bit my tongue. I think telling at drop off is appropriate. We don’t say if they have a headache or coughed a few times but if they’ve been sick or hurt themselves we say something. We don’t however keep them as they have school and routine which we don’t want to disturb.

sometimes we have had it in the past where we’ve gone to pick up and one won’t come due to illness and they’ve stayed at home through choice and preference. That tends to be sickness but if they wanted to come whilst ill we would take them still.

He's a dick, the fact he didn't tell you about it suggests he knows he should have discussed it with you. He will have thought about it since you have him the chance to opt out when they had COVID. The fact you have a young baby alone and are breastfeeding means he should have afforded you extra consideration.

oh OP I feel for you, that sounds really hard. Yes he should have told you, and yes - I think it would have been appropriate to ask you - given you have a newborn - whether it would be helpful for you to keep them for a couple of days. Presumably you are civil with him, so some level of flexibility could be expected. Of course maybe he couldn't help. FWIW my LO has had two/three tummy bugs that I have managed to avoid with hygiene and cleaning toilet and touch points, making sure not sharing any food/drink/etc. I hope you can come through unscathed.

As to everyone saying oh children need their mothers when they are sick. Children need a PARENT when they are sick. Why the f*ck does it need to specifically be the mother. Some children may seek comfort from one parent specifically. Some mothers or fathers may specifically want to care for their children when they are sick / be looking after them - totally fine and great.

But parenting (when there are two parents) is a shared endeavour - don't make mums or dads or whoever feel guilty because they aren't chomping at the bit to be covered in vomit and shit while also caring for a newborn.

Is he back to work tomorrow? Maybe he couldn't sort out alternative arrangements. From other threads on here, he absolutely could not ask a new partner to help out, it's his job to look after his children.

So he definitely should have told you they were unwell, but I don't think he is unreasonable to return them at the pre-arranged time.

YANBU. Yes D&V is easier to manage in older kids but not younger kids and babies. He's a selfish twat.
All those saying but I'd want my kids with me, yes I can understand why but when OP is unwell herself and if her baby becomes hospitalised from something like this will her ex pick up the pieces? I highly doubt it 🙄

I think the fact he mentioned how much work he has to catch up on tells you everything you need to know about his priorities in this situation (ie himself) over his sick kids and you and your baby potentially getting ill too. Utterly selfish and YANBU.

V&D is horrid but once the kids are older it's less worrying and also much easier to manage.
I imagine he assumed the kids would tell you.

I'd want my child back if sick. However it should have been mentioned to you before

I would be happy to have them back so I could look after them and comfort them.

However, I wouldn't want them being put in a car, walking or using public transport when they are so poorly and need to be resting.

I don't think there's any right answer, just what suits the routine for work/school etc and whether they are well enough to travel between houses.

Maybe make your expectations very clear for next time, that he needs to talk to you first. He's been unreasonable and should have known of course not to just send them, but given that he didn't it's probably just sensible to point out where he went wrong and what to do next time (I know you shouldn't have to). Obviously if he refuses then there's nothing you can do but it's worth a try.

He should have told you definitely. As you have other children, and/or it was a d and v bug, it would have been considerate / nice to have them a little longer, unless there was a good reason not to.