AIBU to be depressed by the state of my house

So, then you might have too much stuff and not enough places to put it. You may have too many people making mess and not enough people doing their bit to keep it tidy and clean. Is it one of those issues do you think @Myhouseischaoss?

I think to an extent you need to accept that if you want a clean house that’s tidy with stuff put away etc then it takes time and effort- and that’s every day. No judgement if you don’t want to it’s so hard with small kids but people with tidy clean homes aren’t magic they just prioritise it. I had a friend who’s constantly tell me how lucky I was to have a tidy house….guess who tidied it!? It became chaos over the day with the kids but as I kept it reasonably clean under the dens/toys etc it took max 15 minutes to set straight when kids had a story (DH I would take turns to read or tidy) and it felt nice and calm.

The problem with this method is that I did this for months and the bedrooms, stairs hadn’t been hoovered, dust was building up, bathrooms were 🤢

why all I? surely DH can get stuck in

is your dh supportive of tidying up and having clean and is pro active about it?

no one has been unkind op! you’re actively looking for shadows where there are none

When I was struggling with keeping the house clean and tidy, I focused on downstairs. Tidy the kitchen, wash up and put away pots, clean the sink and the hob at the very least. Ditto the living room and the dining room, and then hoover. That's today done.

Tomorrow, you pick another bit, and tidy and clean that.

Does your DH help to clean and tidy up after the kids at all?

No judgment here, it’s really bloody hard when they’re small and like little tornadoes! You did well to tidy 3 bedrooms in a day, don’t be hard on yourself. I would recommend watching Stacey Solomon if you haven’t already for ideas. A whole house or even a whole room can be too much to tackle, focus on small areas and if storage is an issue, focus on clearing out storage space you do have and don’t hold on to things you don’t love or need. You’ll get there eventually xx

I put YABU because you can do something about it without needing money or much time to do it.
However YANBU for feeling bad about it.

Use a company such as Icollect. You book online and they take most things and be absolutely ruthless. You can't tidy if you are moving clutter around. Every time you touch something ask is it broken? Has it been touched in the last six months? No then get rid. Don't touch the same thing twice. Bundle it all up put on the drive/doorstep and book a collection.

In 30 mins you can make a massive dent in a room. Have kids? Get them to help, a toddler can easily put rubbish into a designated bag or use a dustpan and brush. Then once you have decluttered look at a method such as The Organised Mum Method which designates a day to a room. For example today is living room day, I spent literally 15 mins tidying, sweeping, dusting and mopping in mine today. Tomorrow is bedroom day so I'll strip and remake the beds and vacuum/dust in those rooms. It makes it less overwhelming and keeping on top of because you do the same process every week.

If your wee one has lots of messy bitty toys, limit what is available, store stuff and rotate out.

You're not a slob, as someone who was would either not notice or genuinely not mind the mess.

If you cleaned mopped and dusted the dining room it's not going to be awful in a couple of days. Untidy maybe but not unclean.

Is the eldest child old enough to help you tidy away toys before bed?

What does your DH do around the house?

Just saw your update, that doesn't sound unusual. My house was very messy when kids were little, as long as its a clean mess then it's fine.

does your DH help? clear up? or create mess?

No one will be pile on, it's easily done to get overwhelmed. Start with your bedroom, clear any clutter, sort clothes into piles, open the windows and get some fresh air in. Who do you live with and can they help ?

sounds to me like it’s got issues primarily

in which, focus needs to be on getting them to understand that toys are put away properly and neatly

where’s the “unpleasant” responses?

If I feel overwhelmed I write a list breaking the job into specific jobs and sub divide those even more. I get satisfaction from ticking something off a list so I allow myself put many things on the list! Leaving the list in the room helps so everything you go to the bathroom do 1 thing on the list etc. Or you could focus only on one room at a time, if you focus on the kitchen you might stop being frustrated by the state of the sitting room.

Why do you think everyone will pile on to call you a slob? For all we know, you could have no arms or legs, and your carer has been run over by a bus.

Do your bedroom first. Throw out anything you no longer use or it doesn't fit you or you'd never wear it again. Don't allow kids into your bedroom so once you tidy it stays tidy. Clean little bits everyday. Eg. clear off your windowsill and clean with a lemon spray to give the bedroom a fresh smell. Change the bedding. Pick up any dirty laundry and wash. If your bedroom has any clutter get rid of it. Vaccine. Wipe over surfaces like a chest of drawers with lemon cleaning spray. Once you've got your bedroom looking good move on to the bathroom. Etc etc. If you have DC make them help take off their dirty clothes and put them immediately into a laundry basket. DC can pick up toys before they go to bed.

I used to get like this.

It gets to a point where there's too much to do, so I do none of it.

I now decide I'm spending 25 mins doing X task, set an alarm, get to it. Then have a cuppa or whatever, the another 15/25 minutes, set an alarm and do another task.

It's far easier to say "I'm going to put all the dishes away" rather than " The kitchen is a shithole and it all needs done"

Its amazing how quickly smaller tasks add up and make a massive difference.

pick a room, set a 15 min timer. And be ruthless. You can get loads done in 15mins. :)

I saw on TikTok about someone doing 10-minute timer cleans. So pick a room that might give you an easy win - a bathroom. Then see everything you can do in 10 minutes and not a second more (although it makes me feel like it’s a game and I want to keep going.)

Having a messy house makes me feel like poo too, so I’m just about holding on this half-term. 🤣