AIBU to be depressed by the state of my house

I had 3 under 3
We moved our dining table in to the kitchen and gave them a playroom .
It had everything organised,all toys in boxes.
Yes it meant kitchen was squashed,but I didn't have tots everywhere.
They later on shared a bedroom and had a toy room upstairs.
Just being a bit creative with rooms ,kids a,ways had the biggest room .
I tried very hard to limit toys to playroom and bedrooms .
Appreciate this may not be possible for you

I really struggled with this as well op especially when ds was little and wouldn't really nap for me during the day. It's really difficult managing a home and a young family and it probably does go hand in hand with your mental wellbeing.

What I have found works for me is I do a full house surface tidy every day, I do dishes and put a load of laundry on every day and I put away any laundry that's clean and dried. I don't bother to iron unless I need to wear something specific.

Then I try to focus on one room a day to do a proper clean. Because I'm found a whip round tidy this makes it easier.

Honestly the real game changer for me was doing a really brutal clear out to charity or recycling. The less stuff you have the easier it is to maintain. Get your kids involved by getting them to set aside toys for other kids and then let them pick a charity to donate to. Dh and I split the housework between us when ds goes to bed and I find it helps me to limit the area ds is playing in. So his room and the living room will get messy but that's where his toys stay and where he plays with them so they aren't spreading through the house and we will do fast tidy ups through the day to try and keep a lid on it. Don't get me wrong, we totally get behind sometimes and it's never ever perfect but it took me a while to realise that noones living in a show house with young kids and trying to live up to that standard would burn me out. So now I try to aim for reasonable not perfection. It will get easier as your kids get older and honestly it's not worth running yourself into the ground over. People clean before you visit they probably don't live that way all the time. It's important to give yourself grace and recognise how much you do and what a great parent you are. Even the fact you're on here talking about this shows how much you care.

I have a list of what needs doing every week (hoovering/dusting/mopping/bathrooms). I try and do abit every day and then do bigger jobs on my day off (I have a day off in the week/kids are school age).

I set the timer (read about this method) and it honestly does work. Turn your phone off, give the kids whatever they need to be entertained if they are at home (tv/ipad), set the timer and try and blitz the room. It really does work and I try and finish before the timer ends 😁 (sad but it
motivates me to clean quickly).

Last thing I can say, is as much as possible, get the kids out in the holidays. We rarely have lunch at home in the school holidays. Will wake up, do a few jobs (washing, bit of housework etc) and will then get the kids out. Picnic lunch wherever we are going. By the time we come back, get the kids in the bath and will then get a few more jobs done. My kids are older now but I always found they chilled out better after a day out and could then get on with some jobs when we got home.

You are not alone op. Nothing in our house ever gets properly finished off, and dh isn't particularly well so I don't feel I can nag him and I don't have the skills to do it. We both work full time. We have a lot of clutter but no time to sort it. I know we would feel a lot better if we could just sort it. I think I am a bit of a hoarder, I just don't like getting rid of stuff.

Toys scattered about during the DC waking hours are not a 'filthy mess' it's just stuff temporarily there, so I wonder if you're being overlly hard on yourself? I don't know whether it helps or not, but I found when mine were small that the only way I didn't get overwhelmed was to remove pretty much everything that wasn't necessary, so no fridge magnets, ornaments, throws etc, and any decorative touches restricted to the walls or out of reach, so the only things they could scatter were their toys, which I'd ignore all day, then chuck into the toy box at night. As for the cleaning, if you can't face it could you do the park next time and DH clean? Coming back to it looking decent would lift your mood.

Because it's a very random defensive position to take, why would you be flamed for getting fed up with your house being a mess?

Seems a bit weird to start the thread off saying you know you'll get horrible replies. Have you posted about the mess of your house before?

We’re all allowed a pity party occasionally but it’s not OK to say people are being mean when they’re not and they’re actually trying to help you.

The toddler/baby years are hard but they don’t last forever. If you can afford a robot hoover they’re amazing.

Can you afford to get some help?

I suffer the same issue for a variety of reasons and it’s hard. But a cleaner and regular decluttering are the only thing that help really.

Definitely struggling with this stage with a mobile baby and a toddler. Partly I'm embracing lower standards and going for clean not tidy in many areas but I'm also determined to have a big clear out and follow some de-cluttering advice when my toddler starts nursery two mornings a week soon. Having them both with me full time and husband who is away a lot makes it very difficult. By the time they're both asleep and I've done the dishes it's 9.30pm and I'm knackered so only have the energy for small jobs. A PP has hit the nail on the head for me, we have too much stuff so it gets moved from room to room!

No one is insulting you but I don’t understand why you’re writing something and then saying don’t reply!

Get your DH to do some cleaning. I'm sure he could hoover the stairs or clean a bathroom.

Positive mental attitude, OP. You got three bedrooms done, that's great!

Also bathrooms are a DH job in this house...