AIBU to be depressed by the state of my house

Hey OP. Big hug! I get it, you try and sort something and then in an instant a small person smears their greasy fingers on something, spills some juice on a cleaned rug or just empties their toy basket. It's exhausting, as well as then feeling bad for tidying and not spending time with the ones you're tidying for!

I'm currently 37 weeks pregnant and "nesting". I have moments of feeling insane when I look at a cobweb, dirty skirting board or mark on wall. Other times I tell myself that it's life and actually incredibly normal.

My advice would be similar to other PPs... dedicate small bursts to a quick tidy here and there, but remember that you won't be on your death bed wondering why on earth you didn't put more pairs of pants away. You'll be thinking of the time you spent with the people you love the most. They don't care what state the house is in, remember that (so long as they're clean, clothes are clean, there's a basic level of hygiene going on!).

It's also worth reminding yourself that your distress is likely due to comparing your household to others. If no other households existed, you would probably feel much better about the state of your house... and in this day and age its easier than ever to compare due to the content we can readily access of people's homes on social media. More often than not, such people have spruced up the room their filming in/have watched something back and thought shite, that looks a bit messy and then amended it. What I'm saying is, just try and live in your own little bubble whilst you're sorting things out, and bear in mind that when it's your home, you always see WAY more than visitors do.

Also, put some perspective on it if you're really struggling - we aren't living in a war zone, your children are fed, watered, clean, safe, loved and have a wonderful mum ❤️

I feel like I’m in a constant cycle of cleaning & tidying, only ever making a dent in it. But I spend so much time… Having too much stuff is the problem here. I do get rid of things. But I buy more!

Are there other issues going on apart from tidying your house ? That's the vibe I get.

I think a big thing that helped me was changing my mentality that cleaning and washing will ever be “done”. It’s a constant job that will never be over. Depressing yes, but it helped me a lot.

I feel your pain. Its a daily slog doing the normals chores, then add on top all the lego scattered across the house, things pulled out from everywhere, spills on the carpet, crap scattered down the stairs etc from my darling DS. My DH is awful at housework but he works hard all day so don't mind. I can clean all day then DS comes back from school and it's like a bomb has hit again. The dog comes back from his walk with DH and has mud all over the floors that have just been mopped/walls/kitchen units 😖 basically you just have to keep going and it will probably always still be messy, but better. Also I throw out so much that we don't use, whenever I come across something we don't need. It helps as there's less to tidy up/around.

Trying to keep a tidy house with young DCs is impossible OP so go easy on yourself. Also there is a difference between messy and dirty, messy can be sorted pretty easily by just putting toys and clutter away. The harder bit is cleaning. Can you and DH set aside time each week to clean or at the weekend, to hoover, mop and clean bathrooms - say max 2 hours then the rest of the week is just tidy as you go. As Ps have said having a massive declutter and organising storage for everything also helps. How old are your DC, could they also get on board with putting away toys?

Maybe just accept that it's going to be like this for a while, until your kids are bigger?

Watch sort your house out… it’s very inspiring, then do a room at a time, get everything into the middle of the room and sort- bin, sell, charity, then clean the room and out everything back. It will look much worse before it looks better but you’ll feel much better! Good luck!

Do an advanced search of a user called "shithole" or something like that. There's been a lot of advice shared on her threads that may benefit you.

Perhaps you need to declutter first. Tidying will be easier then.

Well seeing as your post is the only one that's been deleted for not following talk guidelines maybe you can tell us?

Lower your expectations...I did...for 17 years...(disclaimer- DS has additional needs.)
As long as the kitchen and bathroom are hygienic then the rest doesn't matter too much. The one thing I would suggest is identifying stuff (toys/equipment/clothes) that the younger child has grown out of and getting rid of it. Small stuff can be put in a bag and hung off the pushchair and dropped into the nearest charity shop when you're out and about.

If you're "constantly tidying", you have too much stuff. That's your problem. Getting rid of stuff gets much easier the more you do it, so get ruthless and get rid of all of that useless shit that is ruining your mental health. Living in a mess is absolutely disastrous for your mental well-being.

Try and confine kids mess to one room, so the toys etc are only played with eg in the sitting room or bedroom. Make a list of what bugs you the most. In my case it was our old awful en-suite bathroom. It was grimy and dirty and dusty. I got the pink stuff and astonish from a pound shop, got up at 5 one morning and just started scrubbing grouting. Shower and floor with old toothbrushes and old cloths. Mopped floor then cleaned with pink stuff again. Sorted and threw out all the old bottles etc. now no matter what, no matter how messy it gets (I have 4 boys and we all use the shower in there), my mind just says it’s clean at least. And repeat! Best of luck op!!

Stair gate your playroom
Get a dvd player in there and TV .
Stick it on ,while you nip out and do a quick job .
Set the rules now
Toys only in playroom or bedroom
Introduce a tidying up song that you play twice / three times a day ,while you make tidying up toys in to a game ..if everything has a place in the toy room they will soon get the hang of where things go

Touché

Gather together all the toys in a box for each child. Only let them have 1 toy each at a time - the rest in their box and out of reach. Change toys after lunch and dinner perhaps but not more.

Put fridge magnets away until they are old enough to behave.

If the cushions are thrown take the toy away for a couple of hours.

Tidy up for an hour each day when they are in bed. Then you relax.

Sounds like you need a clearance and would start with the fridge magnets - these are just unsightly grease gatherers that little hands can remove and chuck down somewhere else. Honestly do 15 minutes a room every day setting a timer and you’ll see a difference. Get off MN and be proactive.

Also just to say, one thing I learnt working in childcare was don't give them all their toys at once! I rotate ds toys and keep some in storage. It means he really plays with and enjoys them, they don't get boring to him and if there's a limit on the amount he has access to then there's a limit to the mess he can make with them! I just use big storage containers and keep them up high.

If you no longer have a use for an item then get rid of it, donate it to charity, post a picture of it on your local fb and someone will probably have it.

If you have a clear out of the stuff you no longer need, you'll have more storage space. Get ruthless!

Get the little one on board with tidying up, sing a silly song whilst doing it before the bedtime routine.

It's overwhelming sometimes but it can be done.

I’m sorry OP, I would find that situation really stressful too. You’ve got a lot on your plate with 2 small kids even before you try to keep the house under control.

If this is something which is having a negative effect on your mental health, I’d definitely discuss that with your DH so you can work together to help you feel better.

Only you will know what would and wouldn’t work for your family, but I’d suggest there are a few different possible ways to make this less stressful for you:

1. You and DH focus on decluttering to reduce the amount of stuff your having to tidy away/move to clean etc

2. Your DH takes on more tidying/cleaning to lighten the load on you. I know you said he’s away a lot, so completely understand if he’s deployed overseas or something then this isn’t possible!

3. You accept the house as it is in this season of life and focus on improving your mood in spite of the mess.

4. You try one of those “little and often” methods like Organised Mum etc.

Or maybe a combo of a couple of those could help? Some messiness and dust isn’t a problem in itself, but with the negative effect it’s having on you is. I hope things get easier for you 💐💐💐