AIBU to be depressed by the state of my house

I have a system in place where toy animals go in this drawer and toy cars in that one and so on and he just doesn’t follow it.

Why on earth do you need a "system" for toy animals and toy cars? Put away is put away, separate or together, doesn't matter. You're making it so much harder than it has to be. My kids had toy bins and they had to put their toys in whichever bin worked for them. I didn't care, as long as they were put away where I couldn't see them. The phrase "work smarter, not harder" kind of applies here. Why make it a battle? Give him a basket he can carry and he can walk around collecting his stuff before bath time each night.

Put some toys in plastic bags and boxes in loft or spare room. Then add reminder on your phone to swap them in 3 months. I timed mine to match getting things out or putting things back in loft (Christmas, Easter, DDs birthday decorations, Halloween etc).

Most importantly teach your child to put things away. Nick Cope has a great tidy up song I used to sing with DD every evening as we cleared most of the clutter away.

Every weekend I or DH deep clean the bathroom or the kitchen, we alternate. Its not so grotty and more managable timewise. Loo is cleaned every few days.

We have a rule in our house. All toys go back to the bedroom before bed. I think it’s also all about being on top of things. If you let your house get messy and dirty, it’s because you’ve let things slide. Do you work full time? If so, you can still find a routine that works for you. You just have to be strict. When my children were your children’s ages, I would wash my floors around them. That’s how they have grown up and respect our standards of living.

Re DS, no, he will not tidy up. I had a fifteen minute battle over picking up two stray raisins before.

What? You're letting your child rule the house? It's no wonder you're so overwhelmed. Honestly, saying he "will not tidy" is just ridiculous. He's the child, you are the parent. He puts his things away and does as he's told or there's consequences. Surely.

I feel for you OP. It’s hard.

I’m on a decluttering mission and it has helped loads. The less stuff you have, the better. For example I have one bathroom that doesn’t have much storage. I buy what I need, and chuck everything out when it’s finished. It’s by far the easiest room to keep tidy.

Just this weekend I’ve taken four boxes of books and three bin bags of clothes and old bedding to the charity shop - plus chucked out two bin bags of rubbish, like broken toys, random bits of paper, etc. I’ll do the same next weekend and keep going until the house feels ‘lighter’. I’ve recently done this in the attic too and I’m almost on first names with the men at the local tip.

I’ve been on this mission for months. Do a little and often. I know it can be overwhelming to look at the whole… smaller chunks are easier. And it is so much harder with children. I’m lucky that mine are a little older now and I know there won’t be any more toys coming into the house.

Good luck OP. You can do it! Be kind to yourself x

Your not a slob, I've 2 teens and an 18 month old (single mum) I feel like my house is a never ending battle.
The biggest thing to get on top of things is going through what you have and either selling / binning or donating things.

Do the kids have toys that they don't actually play with? And I mean actually play with not just getting out of the box.

things like books. I'm talking adult books, and things that just sit on shelves.

Clothes, things that you no longer wear or don't fit.

A good clear out helps wonders

Then get proper storage once you've minimised what ypu do want to keep.

Even just 15 minutes can make a big difference.

I think your little tornado needs very limited access to especially the "bitty" sort of toy. I'd honestly get rid of a lot if you have limited storage space and somehow get the others under lock and key.

So empathetic to your plight @Myhouseischaoss

My house is similar with 2 neurodiverse kids - nightmare. Now they're adults I've told them they both need to move out.

Looking forward to having the house to myself so I can live in a tidy environ again!

Start teaching the child that's making the mess to start tidying it up too, it needs to be learned young so it becomes automatic and will hopefully discourage them from making a mess as they know the consequences mean tidying it up. Magnet off the fridge on the floor? tell them 'no, it doesn't go there, let's put it back on the fridge'.

When I was overwhelmed with stuff I just bagged up a load of it, toys and all, and took it to charity. Neither the kids nor I missed any of it, most of us have too much stuff.

Watching sort your life out with Stacey Solomon for inspo, and get your DH to pull his finger out.

Of no other issues, then you have lots of top tips here. Personally I do one "area " at a time and don't try to say "today I will tidy the house"

OP, some charity shops will pick up your donations. The British Heart Foundation in my city does. It makes such a difference and getting rid of stuff is cathartic.

Reading with interest. I don't have small children any more but desperately need to declutter, especially as we're also clearing my mum's house, I can't have any more stuff in here.
I've made the porch at least my 'tidy space' so I have somewhere nice to sit and nobody is allowed to dump stuff there, trying to get rid of things like encyclopedias that nobody ever looks at and just takes up space but sympathies OP, my lot seem determined to see an empty space I've managed to create, and then just dump stuff there!

Same. Involving the largely absent husband perhaps.

How old is your son? I’m strict (probably Victorian level strict) that at the end of the day toys have to be put away. And my kids have to do it, though I will help.

But mainly, bin/donate/sell as much as possible, set time each day, make the H do more, teach the kids to put things away before getting something else out, and seek support for your mental health. You were clearly feeling got-at early on in the thread, but no one was getting at you at all, so I suspect those feelings are coming from within.

Op are you the same poster who is frequently posting about her messy house??

How old are the kids? If your son is old enough to be wandering about the house spreading his toys about he is old enough to learn how to tidy them back up - make it a game, a race etc and set a new rule that a toy needs to be put away before the next one comes out.

Watch Sort Your Life Out on BBC with Stacey Solomon - lots of good advice on decluttering and tidying - if a dinjng room can be that messy a day or two after being cleaned then it must have too much stuff in it.

A busy house hold does need some tidying and cleaning done each day to keep on top of it so a rota for each day might help. And cleaning the kitchen and food mess up after your baby has eaten plus cleaning the toilets really need to be a daily activity

I feel you. Nobody in my house makes any effort at all and my husband is a hoarder, as is his mum. She recently moved house,
which meant we got boxes of crap from his childhood. The place is a shit tip and he wonders why I’m never horny.

You have too much stuff but you are also not having your kids tidy up after themselves. There is absolutely no reason they can't put their toys away, and they shouldn't be allowed to drag something else out until the toys they are done with are put away. Get each of them their own basket, whatever, and get them to do their share. My kids were putting their stuff away by two, (with my help and encouragement, obviously), so every kid can help out, especially as they get older.

Lots of good advice here OP. Good luck!

In theory this is a good idea but I just end up forgetting about stuff!
That says they have far too many toys, decide not to buy another toy for at least 3 months and crate everything and label and only allow one crate opened at a time and stair gate on playroom ; toys stay in there, start training them to this, little ones can be taught to tidy toys away; they do it in nursery.
Lots of good advice on here.

I recently got a robot vacuum cleaner (thanks Mumsnet) and as it's my fun new toy I am actually motivated to tidy up for it. It is a secret from the kids so I activate it in the middle of the night.

It has transformed the state of the floors downstairs, now just need to figure out the rest of the house which is a lot like yours by the sound of it!

Commiserations, OP.

Don't be disheartened by some nasty responses. There are some unkind people on MN today, probably enjoying themselves tremendously.

I'd start with the toys and a big plastic storage bin. If he has sets like the doctor kit with several items in them and he doesn't seem to play with them the way they're designed, they're basically just clutter. Pack them in the storage bin. Write the contents of the bin on the side or lid with a sharpie. Keep out only bigger toys that are easy to pick up.

Clap yourself on the back for getting some bedrooms done - look at the glass half full here. Same goes for cleaning a few days ago downstairs. Look at the children - all fed and nobody dead at the end of the day? That's a win.

It really is a matter of chasing your own tail for the years when your children are small. Weaning can be very stressful, as is dealing with toddlers and preschool age children with the focus of a gnat.