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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not correct neighbour's assumptions?

56 replies

Notalazysoso · 01/04/2024 13:27

We live in a HA home, because we had a no fault eviction and have a disabled child so were prioritised for being housed rather than a b&b/temp accommodation.

I work full-time, predominantly WFH other than a 2 hour drop in approximately once or twice per week. I work with vulnerable families so it's smart casual attire when I run a drop in. I'm a single parent so my work day usually looks like 9am-2.30pm WFH/at a drop in, then 8/9-10/11 in the evenings-ish. I also try and bank TOIL to give me shorter days during the holidays so my 8/9-10/11 can often be until midnight.

My house is HA and the one adjoining is privately owned. Very unpleasant family who actively stop their children interacting with mine, won't give me the time of day. I was moving my bins this morning as we went away for the week and didn't want them left. They asked if we were going away, I said yes, they made a comment about funny how they work hard and can never afford to go away. They seem to spend their money on the house, which is fair enough but their garden alone cost £6k in improvements last year. I keep mine tidy and functional but prefer to spend my spare money on breaks away with the children. I pay full rent and council tax. I only get UC help and DLA due to the disabled child. If she weren't disabled we wouldn't qualify for any UC.

Neighbours have made comments a few times about how nice it must be not to work. I just smile and respond yes it would be. AIBU to leave them to look down on us with their bigoted ill-informed views and not correct them that I do in fact work full time and juggle absolutely everything on my own even if we do live in a HA home and we aren't a perfect two-parent family?

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DinoMummsy · 01/04/2024 20:48

Either way, I wouldn't give a crap what they thought as they sound like right arseholes. Hope you enjoy your holiday. Ignore and avoid them as much as possible. Gits.

Lilacanemone · 01/04/2024 19:13

I used to get this from our neighbours. We have a disabled child and my husband goes out to work, so there would have been good reason for me not to work, although I do work part time from home. Were always making comments about how tired they were because they worked with that noted look at me. My husband mentioned I worked in conversation at some point and since then the attitude has changed and no more comments. I would slip it into conversation just to stop the condescension.

toomuchfaff · 01/04/2024 18:41

don't dare justify a damn thing to them. They will always be dicks no matter how much you explain, I'd go further and perpetuate the notion you don't work, claim everything, holiday extensively and let them seethe....

InSpainTheRain · 01/04/2024 17:52

I don't think I'd bother saying anything to them about the fact that you're working full time. They sound the type (yes I'm judgemental here!) to not understand that WFH can mean you are working really hard. So even if you tell them you work full time you may still get a lot of chat about "but working from home must be easy" or some nonsense.

MzHz · 01/04/2024 17:30

Just ask them what they mean by the work thing. Wait for the answer and don’t speak until they’ve given you the answer.

then if they say anything about not working, just say “I wish! I work full time and then some!”

WalkingonWheels · 01/04/2024 17:19

Our neighbours didn't speak to us for four years because they assumed that I'm lazy (DH works full time but commutes).

Then one day they had a parcel of mine misdelivered, so the woman brought it round. I said thanks, sorry it took my a few minutes to get to the door, was in a meeting blah blah. She looked horrified and managed to splutter enough to ask me if I worked.

I told her yes, I work 40 hours a week, am doing my doctorate and volunteer for two charities, as well as being a parent and managing my disabilities, so I didn't have time to chat at the door...

Guess who tries to speak to me now, every time I leave the house? Judgy twat.

AddictedToBooks · 01/04/2024 17:09

OP, sadly you just can't ever win with ignorant and stupid people. I have neighbours opposite who sound just like your neighbours - they don't believe I'm disabled because I can walk very short distances without a stick sometimes - I used to let it really upset but then I realised that their opinion means nothing to me and even if I spelt out the truth to them, they still wouldn't get it because they don't want to.

Only sad people make up entire stories in their heads about people that they don't even really know.

We actually live on a cul-de-sac of privately owned houses and the woman next door to me has sold hers to a HA and I actually really don't care - so long as they're nice people, I don't give a stuff about whether they own it or not. I'm looking forward to meeting them and I just hope they're happy living on this real-life Brookside Close (although those opposite me, like to think it's an "exclusive village").

Ignore the bigots and you just keep being the lovely, genuine person you so obviously are x

Angelsrose · 01/04/2024 16:41

Op don't let your neighbours get under your skin. They sound totally and utterly absurd.

JPGR · 01/04/2024 16:41

ThinWomansBrain · 01/04/2024 13:32

next time one of them comments, reply that you wouldn't know, you work full timr

This.

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 01/04/2024 16:20

“You know I work full time, right? You seem to be a little confused and keep making snide comments.”

Then chuckle, walk off, and never speak to the nasty twats again.

DrJoanAllenby · 01/04/2024 16:17

Look puzzled and say you do work. Only fans!

potato57 · 01/04/2024 16:01

Definitely don't mention the wfh thing because people who don't wfh immediately think you're at their beck and call and you'll end up taking in parcels for the whole street, getting asked questions about what's been happening in the road, being blamed for not noticing xyz etc.

Toomuchgoingon79 · 01/04/2024 15:49

I would reply 'I wouldn't know I as I work full time!'

EatCrow · 01/04/2024 15:39

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 01/04/2024 15:37

Ignore them and just live your own life. Even if you did explain to them, I very much doubt they would understand. As pp have said col and wfh are not exactly new concepts. They should thank their lucky stars they have a nice neighbour who cares about their home etc etc.

I’m sure they’d find something else to be resentful of. You can’t satisfy the perpetually bitter.

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 01/04/2024 15:37

Ignore them and just live your own life. Even if you did explain to them, I very much doubt they would understand. As pp have said col and wfh are not exactly new concepts. They should thank their lucky stars they have a nice neighbour who cares about their home etc etc.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 01/04/2024 15:36

Tell them nothing.
Do not engage.

IncognitoIsMyFavouriteWord · 01/04/2024 15:35

You're right OP. Don't correct them. Your life is none of their business. Let them assume and look like twunts doing it.

Giggorata · 01/04/2024 15:33

You don't owe twats any explanation, or even the time of day.

And they're not very bright twats either, as they didn't pick up on your “yes, it would be” comment.

Gettingonmygoat · 01/04/2024 15:30

Ignore them, why on earth would you want to be friendly to such judgmental lowlifes?

SlipperyFish11 · 01/04/2024 15:25

BronzeAge · 01/04/2024 13:37

Well, but you sound as if you’re also being judgemental about their garden (how on earth do you know how much it cost?) I don’t see why the game-playing — why are you pretending to them that you don’t work?

She's not. She's said it must be nice. They are not intelligent enough to work out what that implies.

PossumintheHouse · 01/04/2024 15:23

I'd be ripping the piss out of them.
Are you looking forward to that week long all-inclusive break in the Maldives? Do you think they'll take in that parcel from Pandora while you're away? Make sure to apologise for any noise when the builders start on your conservatory next week.

cemetery · 01/04/2024 15:16

I would tell her you do, in fact, work. It'll make her feel guilty for being passive aggressive. It's best to be on good terms with neighbours, even if they aren't pleasant people.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 01/04/2024 15:16

Three house owners on the estate I live on sold their houses to the local authority, those houses are nowt HA properties. These are four and five bedroomed homes, It happens more often you think.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 01/04/2024 15:11

Even when you own your own home people often comment about anything outside of a 9-5 office job as being leisurely. I can manage my time as I wish as long as the job is done but so many people think that this means I don't actually work or it is in some way not a proper job.

nadine90 · 01/04/2024 15:03

You don’t owe anyone an explanation op. I have been in a similar role to you, and people probably thought the same about me given I was still doing school runs in casual clothes most of the time.
I personally probably couldn’t let a comment like that go though, I’m sure it’s better to hold your head high and not care what they think. But the petty part of me wouldn’t want them to have the satisfaction. I would probably end up saying something like “oh, you’d be surprised - I work with a lot of people who would give their right arm to be able to work.”

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