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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being impulsive with this decision?

39 replies

Mojitowithelfreako · 01/04/2024 10:09

Basically I've had a few run in's with my next door neighbour over the years. He is terrifying, shouts, calls me abusive names, swears at me in front of my children. Its all over noise, any amount of noise. It's not frequent enough for the police to intervene. The council know he is a problem but he manages to leave enough time between incidents to not get evicted.
I feel very on edge using my garden. I can't sit out there. If my children are out there I feel I have to get them in as quickly as possible.
I should point out that I am not an anxious person. I have abuse thrown at me regularly in my job and I am used to being sworn at. This is different as I'm in my house and it's my safe space. I don't have any trauma related to being shouted by men.
I'm thinking about renting my house out and renting somewhere else. I can't face another summer of feeling on edge and explaining to my children why they can't kids from school over to play in the garden.
But then I would subject the tenants to him. Would there be people out there who would just tell him to do one and not worry?
I can't sell as he has made it impossible due to his antisocial behaviour. My house was on the market for a year before but after a few failed attempts I couldn't afford to keep paying for surveys and solicitors. I spent all my savings on trying to escape.
I feel so trapped but I can't live like this anymore.

OP posts:
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PonyPatter44 · 03/04/2024 07:33

He's "connected". If you know this for sure, and out who is on the next rung above him and ask them nicely. You'll probably sneer at this suggestion as well, but I have known it to work. If he's connected to an OCG, they usually don't want the increased attention that an absolute walloper like this guy would bring.

It might not work, but then nothing else has so far, either.

Original poster
Mojitowithelfreako · 03/04/2024 05:14

@ChiefEverythingOfficer I am open to suggestions but like I said, it's very different when you're living here. No offence to MN but a lot of you don't know how you would react if you lived alone, next door to someone like this. I have reported everything. I have been to the council and the police.
Guess what? It makes it a lot harder to sell if you do those things.
There's also the unspoken code of not doing those things if you live in a council estate. Plus he's connected.
Basically getting a big bloke round won't cut it. He's not scared of violence. He's not scared of the authorities. He wants to fight people, be that me or the council.
He knows that he is in a good position.
It's only when you're where I am, you realise that you don't actually matter to the police.

OP posts:
ChiefEverythingOfficer · 02/04/2024 08:51

I absolutely love taking the time to think of really constructive suggestions on a thread, only to discover the OP is not interested in options, rather just looking for validation.

Best of luck @Mojitowithelfreako . I hope it goes well for you.

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 01/04/2024 14:35

Sorry, why aren’t the police involved?!

potato57 · 01/04/2024 13:01

Assuming you have a mortgage, you'd need to switch it to a buy to let mortgage, and that may work out very expensive for you (to the point you're making a loss), especially if you were fixed before interest rates went up.

The bank also needs to be convinced you'd make a certain % yield from it, and they'd also be looking at your outgoings which presumably will increase a lot if you're renting somewhere else because rents are so much higher than mortgage payments.

You may also incur a lot of costs for needing to change things in the house to be suitable for renters, depending on what you do/don't already have in place.

UnmemorableName · 01/04/2024 12:45

This all sounds really frightening and I'm sorry it's happening to you.

It reminds me of a podcast I listened to recently of someone in a similar situation. I'd recommend listening as they had good advice.

podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/crime-analyst/id1545830333?i=1000643150120

Original poster
Mojitowithelfreako · 01/04/2024 12:43

This bloke tried to fight seven police officers. I don't think a male lodger would make much difference.

OP posts:
Bubblesdevire · 01/04/2024 12:17

or move out whilst renting it cheap to two or three blokes you know again with the plan they tackle this guy and report him constantly to get him out. They could have bbqs in the garden and when he gets pissy they report him for being antisocial.

i appreciate it wouldn’t have the same weight as when he does it to a single woman with kids though so might not work.

Bubblesdevire · 01/04/2024 12:15

What a total nightmare I really feel for you

How big is your house? Could you take in a lodger for six months and aim for it to be a bloke on reduced rent with the agreement they help deal with this neighbour? It could be the adult son of a friend or a relative for example so they know the score but you feel safer whilst you tackle it and they get cheaper accommodation for a bit?

Original poster
Mojitowithelfreako · 01/04/2024 12:14

@Shardonneigghhh no I don't get UC

OP posts:
Deliadidit · 01/04/2024 12:07

This is horrific and I’m so sorry that you have to put up with this abuse and I can totally understand where you’re coming from about not wanting to confront his behaviour. It’s very easy for PP’s to advise getting out in the garden but until you’ve encountered people like this, you have no idea of how terrifying it is.

I would look to move or as you say rent the property out. It won’t get any better and it’s exhausting living on edge, having to gain evidence and deal with ineffectual authorities.

ChiefEverythingOfficer · 01/04/2024 12:00

Lawyers letter.

Make it very clear through a lawyer what laws he is breaking. State all of the facts and what your intended course of action will be.

Have the letter served by a bailiff.
Cc the police, the council and your local councillor.
Play HARD on being a single mother who fears for the safety of your family.
Get CCTV in your garden and let your children play. Make him aware that you will have CCTV in operation on your property and even the slightest, tiniest but of aggression will be acted upon in line with the letter.
Threaten him with civil legal action with costs.

Most importantly follow through every SINGLE time. Recordings and letters SENT AND LOGGED.

You do not have to put up with this bully.

Shardonneigghhh · 01/04/2024 11:46

Without being jumped on for making an assumption (i am also a sinlge parent) do you receive any universal credit? As if you are not living in a house you own, you will need to declare it as an asset and it's likely that will close your claim.

Gymmum82 · 01/04/2024 11:28

Mojitowithelfreako · 01/04/2024 11:17

@Gymmum82 but like I said, he is a very low priority for the council. We have so much crime and antisocial behaviour. Two doors down lives a dealer. There was a house which was cuckoo-d for months which was left as a burnt out shell. A man who is 'a bit shouty' to his NDD(especially as I am a homeowner so they see it as my job to just move) doesn't really concern them.

They can just evict him. They don’t have to re house him. He’d probably be classed has making himself intentionally homeless by threatening his neighbour.
What’s your alternative? Live with it? Rent your house out? Then what happens when your tenants move out without notice because of him and you’re then stuck paying rent and your own mortgage. Or they trash your house leaving you the bill. Or they just stop paying you rent and you have to go through the courts to evict them costing you thousands. It’s not easy being a landlord.
You’ve tried and failed to sell your house. So what are you going to do?

PonyPatter44 · 01/04/2024 11:28

It's a gamble with tenants. They might be able to stand up to him, and there'd be no problems. I suspect if at least one of the tenants was male, your neighbour would shut up. If it was someone like my DP who is a total pussycat but looks like a thug, I doubt we'd hear anything. BUT, what if that's not the case, and your tenants give notice constantly, or worse, are attacked by this lunatic? You'd be constantly trying to re-let.

Original poster
Mojitowithelfreako · 01/04/2024 11:17

@Gymmum82 but like I said, he is a very low priority for the council. We have so much crime and antisocial behaviour. Two doors down lives a dealer. There was a house which was cuckoo-d for months which was left as a burnt out shell. A man who is 'a bit shouty' to his NDD(especially as I am a homeowner so they see it as my job to just move) doesn't really concern them.

OP posts:
Gymmum82 · 01/04/2024 11:14

Mojitowithelfreako · 01/04/2024 11:08

@Gymmum82 well before he jumped over my wall and screamed in my face. He has access to my electrical box and told me he would cut my electrical wires if I crossed him. I just don't need it.

Then you’ll just need to live with him forever and put up with it. If he cuts your electricity wires you call the police. If he threatens you then you call the police. Eventually the council will be forced to remove him.
Or you do nothing and live in fear forever and your kids can’t play in their garden ever

DanielGault · 01/04/2024 11:13

Mojitowithelfreako · 01/04/2024 11:08

@Gymmum82 well before he jumped over my wall and screamed in my face. He has access to my electrical box and told me he would cut my electrical wires if I crossed him. I just don't need it.

You really need to address this. It's obviously not pleasant, but you're being abused and threatened.

Ringshanks · 01/04/2024 11:12

We moved when our neighbours started keeping a dog in a cage in the garden 24 hrs a day and we reported to rspca . They suspected us and were angry about it . I showed a family round that had two adult sons living with them and explained the situation. The men just laughed and said ‘no problem’ . I was glad I was honest! When we walk past now we’ve seen a new fence but apparently all is well now (the dog is regimes thank goodness) . Some bullies need standing up to but don’t feel like it has to be you to do it

Original poster
Mojitowithelfreako · 01/04/2024 11:12

@Wibblywobblylikejelly I'm sorry but you have no idea what I have done previously and how far I've gone with the council. We live in a big city, this man is nothing to them. They know that they would have to rehouse him.
They just said that I need to report it, but as you've all said, there are no further incidents because I'm avoiding doing anything to antagonise him.
That's why my plan was to rent the house out to the council, making it their problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mojitowithelfreako · 01/04/2024 11:08

@Gymmum82 well before he jumped over my wall and screamed in my face. He has access to my electrical box and told me he would cut my electrical wires if I crossed him. I just don't need it.

OP posts:
Wibblywobblylikejelly · 01/04/2024 11:08

Mojitowithelfreako · 01/04/2024 11:02

I'm sorry but it's all very well saying this but I'm a woman who lives alone and this man had to have a riot van when the police last cautioned him and asked to see inside the property. It's not as easy as all that.

The what are you doing?
You need a solution now because the situation and you doing nothing is not fair to your children. Who actually have zero hoice in the matter.

It is shit. Is horrifically unfair. But it is what it is.
That history will massively help you. They won't wait around to get to you if you say your afraid.

And after every police call you go to the council. And then escalate it to the managers. You need to start being a problem. You need to be calling every day.
You sound way to nice and compliant.

DanielGault · 01/04/2024 11:07

Mojitowithelfreako · 01/04/2024 11:02

I'm sorry but it's all very well saying this but I'm a woman who lives alone and this man had to have a riot van when the police last cautioned him and asked to see inside the property. It's not as easy as all that.

All the more reason to talk to the police and women's Aid and anyone else you can think of! Seriously! The police can't help you if they don't know your issues. Call them, explain you don't wish your issues to be discussed with anyone else as of now, ask for advice, express your fears. It won't do you any harm.