To think it’s poor form for giving bad news over text?

My mum was waiting to go into a medical appointment to find out the status of her cancer when she received a text from a relative telling her that another relative had hung themselves. My poor mum was so upset she couldn't take in anything during the appointment. I do think it's wrong to give really shocking and upsetting news via yext especially as you don't know what they might be doing or situation they might be in at the time.

It looks like this situation for OP is a very particular situation. Without knowing what it is, it’s hard for people to say whether texting is particularly bad in this instance.

As pp’s have said - sometimes texting is better for all concerned, sometimes a phone call.

If my dad rang me in the middle of the day and asked me where I was/what I was doing/could I talk I'd KNOW something was wrong immediately , and be jumping to the worst case of my mum or sibling being dead while trying to answer him.
Now if it was one of those things I wouldnt want a text telling me either but you say it was nt a bereavement, a text asking me to ring me ASAP would still send my mind racing though not immediately to such dire things and give me time to get myself somewhere appropriate to ring. I can understand though if he was ringing me to tell me my friend had been in a car accident - the only scenario I can think of that runs along lines of yours - why he d wanted me to know the details ASAP before I see it on FB but knowing the times I can access my phone in the work day change could decide to text me.
A lot depends I think on did your MIL know about the appointment and it's time. If yes then ya she could have waited til it was over, but equally maybe that's why she text, knowing he couldn't have answered in a waiting room but wanting him to know whatever asap.

Do you really lack the imagination so much that you can't tell the difference between your sarcastic version and something like:

"I need to talk to you urgently. Please can you let me know as soon as you get this when it's possible to have the conversation?"

I think weirdly there is also potential for a phone call to go wrong when you know your reaction to the news is much less strong/sad than the person you have to tell. Say your ex husband who was awful to you died and you have to tell your shared adult children. You may be feeling a mix of uncharitable emotions - including relief, and maybe a perverse sense of having won/karmic justice. And if you don’t think you can summon up the right tone to tell your children they’ve lost their beloved father, then maybe text is a better choice in that scenario?

I am sorry your DH had bad news and I hope your baby is okay.

If it was something that would impact your DH a lot an your MIL barely at all, so something like telling him that she had seen news that his employer was making mass redundancies or something then yes, a text doesn't feel the kindest way to deliver that, especially if she knew about your little one's appointment.

Sometimes it's too hard to get the words out without breaking down. There's never an easy way to deliver bad news.

My Dad has twice phoned me to deliver the most horrible, heartbreaking news. Ditto my sil. If either of them were to phone me, I would assume bad news.

Not sure what the correct way is as surely everyone is different and nothing changes the news. My memory attaches the sadness to the mode of delivery.

No anger though.

I think yabu. You have been given many examples on this thread as to why it may be best for them to deliver bad news via text rather than phonecall and some people have also admitted they would rather receive text rather than phone call.

Its very personal and there is no right or wrong, it is person specific.

In all honesty, it sounds like you dont like your mother in law and you are minimizing the impact this news, and having to retell this news may have on her.

I take back what I just said. That is a horrible way to deliver such awful news.

@Ivorymoon and then your responses have exposed you.

Refusing to answer the multiple questions about the subject of the bad news, maybe because you know this makes you look bad? Refusing to acknowledge that it would have been hard for his mum to tell the bad news.

YNBU

I'm sorry your husband got bad news, I hope you're all ok?

My and my brother were on my way to say goodbye to our sister who was dying, and my aunt (who wasn't even with my sister) told me that my sister had passed over a text message. I've never spoken to her about it, but I don't honestly think I'll ever forgive her for it. It wasn't her place to tell me, but, even so, over text was just inconsiderate.

Exactly. I'd really have to pluck up the courage to do that.

I'm really struggling to think of a scenario where I have news to pass on that would be devastating for my adult children, but that wouldn't bother me. What on earth could it be? It can't be medical or a death in the family. Inheritance maybe, but then I wouldn't think a text was inappropriate for that sort of info.

Look, your baby is a baby. So you don't think that it's the same when your baby is a grown up. Look at your little baby. And imagine having to tell them what your MIL had to tell your husband. And keep it together. And not fall apart.

I had to tell my grown up kids their grandmother died at 4.30 in the morning. I didn't phone them, because they have jobs and lives and kids and partners, and I didn't want to waken them all. I texted so that they could sleep, and see the text in the morning, process their shock and upset and call me when they were ready to.

If that isn't consideration for my children, please do tell me what else I should have done. Thanks.

I honestly couldn't get worked up about this. It is the bad news that is upsetting, not how it was communicated.

I would prefer a written message personally.

I had a text from my biological "father" informing me that my sister had taken her life. It read "Your sister has taken her life, tell your brother. Wayne Evans". I can tell you for a fact that it didnt bother him in the slightest and it was not worse for him.

I feel a phone call is the same - even if you are ringing to ascertain if its a good time to take the call, you know instantly that something is wrong e.g. by the tone, the question itself or by the fact that the person has phoned you in the first place so you still take the call anyway.

Posting bad news on FB is better than texting?!

Jesus Christ.

I prefer to read information by text but as we see by the vast majority of threads on MN like this one, pertinent information or context is frequently left out from the initial message and tone is often not conveyed well, or the message not well articulated.

Therefore I agree, most people are not equipped to sensitively convey difficult news by text and phone would be more appropriate for them.

Yes my Dad texted to say my Nan had died (maternal- my mother had already died). It felt so cold and like my sister and I didn't matter or need a call. Apparently he was in a hurry that morning to meet other relatives (not related to Nan). I haven't told him how upsetting it was, but I'm still angry about it.

Me and OP are obviously in the minority. I don't think it's appropriate to text bad news, unless people were expecting it (ie I will text you the outcome). I think posting on FB is marginally better as you look at it at your convenience. Having said that, a FB friend has just posted that her dad has died, some people are commenting on the photo missing the few words saying he's dead.