To think it’s poor form for giving bad news over text?

I think it’s nice to give a warning by text and I feel texts are for when the news affects the sender more or it’s about someone you’re not closely related to.

I’ve had to do the bereavement calls for three family members and yes it is horrible but those recipients deserved a proper phone call. After the first couple it gets easier. There’s no way I’d want to hear about the death of a family member or close friend via text, it’s very impersonal and you have no idea what the recipient is doing at that moment

This is yet another example of how we're all different, personally I would have waited for the outcome of a medical appointment before telling relatives

Neither is right or wrong, people are allowed to be different

It also depends how urgently he needs to know.

If it's not "come quick, it's last chance to say goodbye" then it can be "call me when you have a chance" text.

As it didn't need to be shared right then one assumes. (Parents dying being different)

Got bored after a few pages.

YANBU if it’s bad news that is very likely to affect you badly and directly IYSWIM.

@Ivorymoon

as has already been explained to you many times and as I said. His Mum has the right to put her needs first. She has the right to communicate the news in a way & time that upsets her the least.

its not all about your feelings about your DH being upset by it.

I don’t suppose I would be able to manage a conversation if I lost someone I loved. I would ask someone else to call for me or send a text on my behalf. Frankly, wouldn’t care if that was “poor form”.

I'd prefer a phone call for things relating to a close family member and have called when I was the bearer of the news, but OP, have you ever had to make those calls? Can you imagine being devastated and making 5, 10, 15 of those calls?!

I'd prefer a phone call for things relating to a close family member and have called when I was the bearer of the news, but OP, have you ever had to make those calls? Can you imagine being devastated and making 5, 10, 15 of those calls?!

Hang on... why didn't his own mother know about this very important hospital health appointment for her grandchild anyway? I would absolutely have told my mother about something like this.

Hard to comment without an idea of that the bad news was. You suggest it wasn’t a bereavement or cancer diagnosis, so not sure why sending a text should have been an issue.

He didn’t have to read a text prior to going into a baby appointment.

Think there is an issue in that people seem to feel they have to read texts immediately when, just like letting calls go to voicemail and checking content or choosing to check email, this can be done later at a convenient time. Texter (or anyone) isn’t clairvoyant so can’t ‘time’ a text according to unknown schedule of the recipient. My MiL isn’t wedded to her phone and checks it a couple of times a day, so probably assumed OP’s DH did the same.

But that’s not how it works in real life with shocking news. The messenger will be in a heightened state of shock or anxiety and building up the courage to share devastating news is hard. Sorry it disrupted your baby’s dr appointment but I’m sure you didn’t not go to it so no harm done. Maybe spend the time supporting your husband rather than browsing mumsnet and bitching about the message delivery mechanism

It depends on the news. If the person sharing the news is more deeply affected than the person hearing the news (eg I've got cancer, or my child has died) and the recipient is not one of the 3 or 4 closest people then yabu - it's incredibly draining to have those conversations over and over again. Ideally after the first 3, the person giving the news shouldn't have ro do it again so should either appoint one of those first 3 to make a few further calls on their behalf (including commissioning them to call the next 3) or revert to text.

I've had a cancer diagnosis and messaged to tell close family and friends. It was much easier for me to do that and not have to deal with other people's emotions and upset when I was already dealing with my own.

Maybe your mum felt the same way? And on this occasion, even though she's your mum, she didn't want to put your feelings ahead of hers?

if it was a bereavement I would prefer a phone call over text but I would be very aware it could be too much for the person delivering the message and they couldn't call, so wouldn't be upset if they texted.

Still can't work out what could be earth shattering news for DH that wouldn't also impact MIL. So until you explain that I stand by MIL was protecting herself and you are being the selfish one.

I understand why people do it, as it's a lot easier to do via text, takes some of the emotion out it for them, but I also see if from the other side.
My mum text me when I was at work saying "I have cancer"
I opened it, as she texts me nonsense all the time, so I wouldn't think anything of opening a text from her. Obviously it wasn't the nonsense text I was expecting and I burst in to tears in the middle of the office and had to tell my boss before I'd had time to process it myself.
My mum then phoned and hour later and said "I hope you aren't upset?" as if it was a total non event.

I primarily speak to my parents over text, so when my mum messages to me set up a call I know someone has died or is very ill, so I'd rather she just tell me via text and get it over with rather than wait for the appointed call.

I’d prefer a text.