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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it’s poor form for giving bad news over text?

332 replies

Ivorymoon · 01/04/2024 09:22

DH was given some shocking and upsetting news over the weekend, which was delivered from his DM via text. He received this message just before we were going into a health appointment for our baby, so it was terrible timing. He had no idea that he was going to receive such news, otherwise he would not have checked his messages at that time.

My own DM has form for giving me bad news over text, including informing me that she had cancer and when family members have died. Admittedly I do message people more than I call them, however any potentially upsetting news I will call instead. I am mindful that someone could be at work / at an appointment/ not in a position to receive bad news, and opening a message with no prior warning can be very distressing. At least over the phone you can make sure that the recipient is in a position to take the call.

I can see how it could be easier for the deliverer of bad news to text instead as it means they do not have to deal with any emotional reaction they would get over the phone. It’s quite avoidant and lacking care and consideration for the recipient IMO.

AIBU to think giving someone bad news via text is poor form and should be done over the phone instead? Ideally this would happen in person but this often isn’t possible for a multitude of reasons.

OP posts:
MILLYmo0se · 01/04/2024 09:27

If your MIL had rang your DH instead wouldn't he have answered anyway? And she would have blurted it out when he did

Ivorymoon · 01/04/2024 09:27

WaitingForMojo · 01/04/2024 09:25

I can’t personally see why a phone call is less difficult.

For the reasons outlined in the OP. The recipient may not be in the position to receive bad news. At least with a phone call it could firstly be ascertained where they are and what they are doing.

OP posts:
exerciseshmexercise · 01/04/2024 09:26

It depends is the answer for me.

It depends on the person giving and also the person to whom they are telling the bad news.

I would prefer to get a text because I can process it in my own head before phoning them. I have autism and I often struggle with reacting appropriately and I'd prefer to have some processing time first.

My child with autism would prefer the same.

Whatsnormalhere · 01/04/2024 09:25

The person giving the bad news is usually shocked themselves and acting on whatever gut instinct is appropriate to them at the time.

WaitingForMojo · 01/04/2024 09:25

I can’t personally see why a phone call is less difficult.

Fluffytoebeanz · 01/04/2024 09:24

It is poor form, but if it's also upsetting for the sender it might be easier to send a text rather than making lots of phone calls. It's not what I'd do though

WaitingForMojo · 01/04/2024 09:24

I don’t mind it and I hate phone calls.
But I can see why some people find it difficult to receive important news this way.