To think it’s poor form for giving bad news over text?

That's just a risk that exists, unfortunately.

I know some who found out about a cousins death via a rumour from a friend, who'd heard via work.

They went to check with their parents to find them being told in person.

One of the risks of texting if its someone close, is that you don't read it before you find out by other means.

I’ll hazard a guess from this thread that you may not manage to be thoughtful or considerate at times also.

But as someone who delivers a lot of bad news over the phone - I’m afraid it doesn’t really help. Most people answer their phone when it rings, they don’t wait until they’re in the right physical or emotional space to receive bad news. There isn’t really a perfect way to do this difficult thing, as people with empathy realise, I think.

I’m doing ok. Minus a leg, but alive and treatment is almost over, so far so good! Thank you for asking.

I received a birthday card from my brother and underneath the usual greetings he informed me that he has stomach cancer🥺

It's more going on to the next tiers of people.
With family you can tell someone who's a step removed from the deceased Neice / Nephews or if it's a young person an Auntie or Uncle and let them tell others.

Friends can be more difficult their may be people you need to tell but can't face multiple calls.
And if the only way for the bereaved to get that information across is by text or group chat so be it.

What? Ever? I was told my dad had died by my mum. Luckily we wasn't chalking up who had the greater right of grief. Weird.

Did you make this thread purely to have an argument with each and every responder or what?

But in circumstances where you wouldn't answer your phone (eg just before an appointment) surely you wouldn't look at text messages either??

You come across as vile.

You are coming across really badly. You are being rude to anyone who disagrees with you, before we even consider that you seem to think your baby is more important than anything or anyone else.

Absolutely! Getting brutal news is brutal, regardless of how its delivered.

Hope you are doing OK?

I totally get it can be easier for the sender to tell by text. They can take time to carefully choose their words. Copy the same text to multiple people. And not have to deal with the emotional fall out from the recipient.

Although if sending a brutal message by text I'd try to avoid a time when someone is likely to be driving. Just the same as I'd avoid calling when someone is likely to be travelling, to / from work or on the school run.
But then life isn't always that simple.

Quite. OP is clearly off on one.

If my DH had got life changing news on the same day as my child was in hospital for an appointment the last thing I would be doing is posting passive aggressive posts on MN

I informed some of my family of my cancer and the need for life-changing surgery via text. I didn’t have it in me to have to tell multiple people over the phone the same news. I think that’s my prerogative when it’s my news.

Are you ok? If someone rings and asks if you can talk you’re immediately going to ask why. The upheaval has begun.

i don’t know what else i (or others) can do to help your complete inability to see that there is no way of delivering bad news in a way where you won’t be affected. He saw the message because he checked his phone. Arguably if you’re busy you’re less likely to read a message than you are to not answer a phone call.

Yes a phone call is definitely better, but the worst I had was an email saying "X has died, sorry for telling you by email, I wanted to call but haven't got round to it".

Could it not just be that she just found out herself and wanted to quickly pass on to him in case he heard from someone else. As it was such a good friend and she heard first 🙄

Yes, I think OP's annoyed for herself that her DH wasn't fully switched on for the appt, when it is often only one parent who attends children's appointments anyway...

When my sister died in an accident, the police came in the middle of the night to tell us - mum, dad, other sister and me. We sat up until it was morning then we got in the car and drove to go and break the news to both Grandmothers who lived alone. My mum felt strongly that we had to tell them in person, not over the phone. It depends on the situation but I would never break bad news like that in a text! I think a phone call would be better if you can't tell them in person.

This is absolutely it. 100%.

Good god, you're unpleasant.
I think, after 47 posts telling everyone they are wrong and you are not, and not to post if they don't agree with you, maybe it's time YOU stopped replying and supported your husband with this mysterious bad news that YOU don't actually care about (evidently) other than it clearly took your husband's attention away from you and the baby.
JFC.

"Just" over

It's split for the multitude of reasons posted and on something as emotive as this unless you're getting 80%+ you can't claim a majority as lived experience counts for a lot.

Maybe she didn't think it would upset DH that much? It doesn't sound as though it was something pertaining to a family member and generally a spouse or family member of the person it involved would tell DH directly if they were close? I didn't DP's friends parents when he died, I told them directly. Maybe she didn't think the relationship was that strong to warrant a call?