Maternity pay finances

59 replies

ZebraLimited · 01/04/2024 00:57

So please hear me out :) We have an 8 month old and have been having issues trying to work out how much to put into our joint account since I have been on maternity leave.
I have taken 10 months mat leave, received 3 months full pay, 1 month half pay, and the rest is statutory maternity pay. In the past as we got paid (we earned very similar amounts) we would each put £1,100 into the joint account. This has never been an issue until now! When I was pregnant we discussed how we were going to cover our bills this year as I would be losing our on a lot of money - we decided whatever we get paid we each 'save' the same amount and put the rest into the joint account. This was my idea and my husband only grudgingly accepted! So for example last month I received £840 and he received £1,900. Total: £2,740. We needed to collectively pay out £2,200 which leaves £540, meaning we each keep £270. So I did 840-270 and paid out 570 whereas my husband did 1900-270 and paid out 1630. The problem is every month he complains about this being unfair. He has suggested we pay a percentage. (If we each paid about 80% which is what's needed to make 2200, it would leave me with £160 and him with £380. Bearing in mind my husband has no personal outgoings so saves it all whereas I have car payments tax and insurance which adds up to roughly £230 a month as well as taking the baby places everyday!! This would leave me in deficit! He has made comments about how I have some (not much!!) savings so that will cover it. He complains about having to pay so much more. Today we had a disagreement about something unrelated and he told me he is only going to match what I pay in, and if we can't cover the bills it will be my fault so I should just pay 1,100 and he will match it. He has flat out refused to pay more than me anymore. I've said it's not my choice to be paid so little and it's really just because I am the woman that I have the mat leave and I have the pay docked And how is that fair? But he turns it back on me and says we'll how is it fair that he has to pay more? Today I'm starting to doubt the decision on saving equal amounts and wondering if he is right? AIBU?

OP posts:

Rewis · 01/04/2024 01:37

You can't have the same financial arrangements when the situations change. Your income has decreased but outgoings have increased. One pot for the time being to make sure everything in covered. He can't be building his personal savings right now. Once you're back to work the situation changes again and you revisit the arrangement.

Weenurse · 01/04/2024 01:35

Tell him you will need to go back to work to do that.
Cost local child care centres and present him with half the cost of care.
Do not have any more children with this man until this is sorted out.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 01/04/2024 01:35

Once you have children it's not just about his money & your money.
You are a family so you put all monies into a joint point pot which you then use to
pay the bills
food
petrol for car (work & pleasure)
train/bus (work & pleasure)
baby related stuff,
savings
holidays
birthday & Christmas gifts
any other category that you have

Then an equal amount for personal spending

Or you could suggest that you go back to work full time whilst he takes paternity leave to look after the baby & he manages on his paternity pay whilst you keep your own money.

Funnily enough my ex husband was just like your husband (the higher earner out of the two of us) & I also ended up paying out everything for the DC & childcare too from my salary.
Whilst he included all his alcohol in the food money & boy did he drink!

Leaving him with 5 times more personal spending money than me.

We are now divorced & he still moans & every so often & thus withholds child maintenance if he doesn't like or agree with something. (And do I have a list of things he's done but that's for my own thread)

He forgets that by not paying the maintenance he's not actually hurting me it's our DC he's hurting.
It's got to the point where DC have to tell him & embarrass him into continuing to pay maintenance.

Hopefully your husband will buck his ideas up & see that he's being unreasonable & get over his moment of financial abuse madness.
My fingers are crossed 🤞 for you.

Oh & it took plenty of Mumsnetters 💐🍰🥂🍷🍸to spell it out/tell me that he was being financially unfair/abusive.

theeyeofdoe · 01/04/2024 01:34

But if he wants to do that - fine - but he needs to do exactly 50% of the childcare. Write everything down

BasiliskStare · 01/04/2024 01:28

Well obvious answer it it his child as well - so pay into the bucket . Or he is just obtuse and a twit. Where does he think the money for the family is coming from for a while ?

scaredofthefuture2024 · 01/04/2024 01:26

Agree with @BurnoutGP. This won't get better. My best friend married one of these and he has screwed her over at every opportunity. Places zero value on domestic work and begrudges buying clothing or food for the kids - they're no longer together and this was part of the reason.

Concannon88 · 01/04/2024 01:24

@ZebraLimited wtaf! How are you married to this man, when it sounds like a fling type relationship? Who treats their wife and baby like this. I dont just think he's massively unreasonable, I think he's a dick, a prick and a cock. I was originally thinking you having savings was a tiny bit unfair but the more I think about it the more I think- good you'll need them.

BurnoutGP · 01/04/2024 01:21

Well it's not going to get any better. Start planning your escape.

Appleblum · 01/04/2024 01:17

You need to end your maternity leave now, go back to work, and make sure he pays for half of childcare. He obviously doesn't see you as a family unit.

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