Maternity pay finances

What was the agreement about taking maternity when you were pregnant?

Did you both agree to 10 months maternity?

Leave him.

You are married. Does he not realise that this means legally your money is all shared anyway? Does he not realise that putting the baby in nursery earlier will also cost a shitload?

This is way wider than the money issue, its about how he sees you - he does NOT consider you a family unit. He does NOT want to make any changes to his finances to accommodate your child.

And how he has gone about it is really awful. He agreed something and has then gone back on it with fuck all notice. What a horrible thing to do to your wife and the mother of your child.

Personally I'd tell him I'm going back to work full time. However he will need to pay half the childcare costs, plus do half the care at night, half the cooking, housework etc. See if he finds that more fair! I'm willing to bet he won't like that either!
But I would definitely consider going back to work, if nothing else to make sure you have your own money, just in case. Your husband does not sound like a nice man.

Regarding CB, you don't seem to understand tax and working self employed through a limited company in general. Odd for someone who claims to be a financial expert.

Your area of expertise? Quite frankly you seem to be clueless if you're suggesting a one-size-fits-all family money pot. Hopefully your not giving people financial advice based on this.

I didn't once say that I had to ask for money. You made that up. Go back and have a read if in doubt. Given we budgeted properly for my mat leave, I have a good surplus each month that I choose to put into savings.

Your offering lots of bad advice based on lots of silly assumptions.

Honestly I don’t know why you’re getting so chippy, tax and pensions is an area of my expertise 😂. It’s a bit silly you’re trying to patronise me, I’ve already said I’m not trying to have a dig, if it works for you than great, but many women end up sleepwalking into unfair financial situations and I’m trying to help.

Also, something isn’t adding up there, he usually has more money than you, but you get CB on mat leave but not when you go back to work? As I said you don’t have to justify yourself, if you’re confident it works for you then great, I just personally wouldn’t find that acceptable in my marriage to have to ask for money on mat leave.

Yes, he has more money than me even when not on mat leave and has always paid more into the household than me. We're transparent with all our financial accounts and I do the budgeting. Weird you'd assume he's the one controlling things.

Don't worry about me, I'm not being short changed. In fact I'd have paid more over the years towards the household if we'd been splitting by percentage according to our income.

I don't expect you to understand taxes and pensions, especially pertaining to my personal circumstances. Saving isn't scrimping (common misconception), quite the opposite. I have no intention of working in my 60s and saving is paying myself tomorrow.

Yep go back to work. Childcare is 50/50. If he tries to argue anything other than that ask him is the child not his? Why on earth would that cost fall solely to you?

Ooof. We've always had a joint account to pay for holidays / food / bills. When pregnant / on maternity, this account also included anything child related, pregnancy related, family related etc. Our contributions were always in relation to our earning power so yes, hubby has 'bankrolled' me frequently and has never even referenced it. He knew it was part and parcel of having a baby. A tight (best case scenario) or inherently sexist (worst case) man is never a turn on.

Nobody is trying to give you advice on the internet 😂. The tax position is not really relevant so I’m not sure why you’re getting so hung up on it?

Your DH evidently has more money than you do on maternity leave as he’s paying all the rent and bills and I’m just of the opinion that women on maternity leave should have full and equal access to funds, not have to “just ask” if they need more money, I would find that controlling from a man.

Apologies if this comes across as having a dig, it’s not meant to and your clearly happy with your situation, but I just want women to be aware that it’s healthy and normal for a man to fully share his money with his wife and that women shouldn’t be scrimping and saving or having to request access to money whilst their husband holds onto it all.

I’m not even going to read the whole thing. Married couples should have joint accounts only.

So in his mind, fair is that you do all the childcare, probably most of the housework AND pay half the bills? Tell him either he starts doing 50% of the childcare and housework, or he pays more, he can’t have it both ways.

I'm on mat leave so entitled to child benefit. I won't be if I return to work full time (though I'm planning 3 days a week to spend more time with my LO, so will still get something according to the new rules). If DH was to take all the money he earns out of his company each year, we'd lose £££ in tax and we would not be entitled to child benefit. This is advice from financial advisors rather than strangers on the internet.

If he were to become employed and receive his salary post tax, then putting our salaries into one account would make sense. Currently we'd just be cutting off our nose to spite our face.

If you budget adequately as a family, why do you need to change things for the part of your mat leave that is unpaid? I don't spend everything I earn and have split my mat leave evenly over all the months I'm off work.

Never understand relationships like this, so transactional.

You're a family now, not two people who live together.
Both salaries should be paid into one (the same) account and everything comes out of that.

Sorry I don’t see how being a high earner is at all relevant? (If you’re getting child benefit that’s not what I’d personally class as high earning but that’s by the by). We’re also both high earners and still share. The last portion of my maternity would be unpaid, so I don’t see how it would be fair for me not to have fully equal access to family funds during this time?

I find it very sad that some people see it ask “bankrolling” for a husband to fund his wife on maternity leave, my husband is proud to be able to do so.

Remind him that the bills still need paying. If you cannot pay and he is being stupid about it then you will both fall into arrears and you risk losing your home and both your credit scores will be fucked.

Tell him to man up and actually provide for his child.

It makes my blood boil reading this. Of course he should be contributing towards your maternity- you’re looking after his child!!

What everyone else said.

Out of interest, does he benefit from your car? If so start charging him.

My ex husband was like this when I had a baby. The expectation was that I would cover my own maternity leave by saving up for it. He would also fuck off on boys holidays and saw his annual bonus as his money. It was more than money too, everything child related was for me to deal with.

Only got better when I left and formalised his contribution through CMS.

Not to mention bordering financial abuse - making you struggle financially and be in deficit, use your savings etc, whilst you also suffer financially re pensions and career. Disgusting

^

Happy to use your body to gain a child but not willing to try and level the ground for you both. This would not fly in my household - misogyny at its most insidious!

Nope, not necessary in my situation. I'm a high earner and don't require my husband to fully bankroll me. He is self employed, also a high earner, and it's not tax efficient for him to take above a certain amount out in any given year, which is why he contributes more to pension. This will help us retire in our 50s. He's also saving up for our deposit and will be contributing 80% to this next year.

We are fully aligned with our finances and discuss them regularly. Not every couple does the 'put it all in one account and split it down the middle'. In our case we'd be losing money in taxes and child benefit if we did.

You’ll end up like loads of women I know, who spend all of their wages on childcare and do the bulk of housework and kids on top of working full time. I urge you to not let this be you! Either he treats you as a family unit and values your contribution, and sees supporting you and your baby together as a normal part of being a dad - or it’s ducks in a row time.