Baby rarely cries and I was told he’s autistic

Take no notice of your sil. My ds is waiting to be assessed for autism and he was a crier at that age, it really is too young to tell.

DD2 was a brilliant baby in terms of crying. Was perfectly happy most of the time and just let us know if she needed something. She’s turning 3 the summer and hasn’t shown even the slightest sign of neurodiversity.

If autism could be routinely diagnosed in babies, there wouldn’t be so many toddlers/older children on the waiting list for assessment.

I read that too op. It did fit in my case, ds was so calm and happy as a baby compared to his older ds. However, in plenty of people it means nothing more than a personality trait.

With ds I feel like his developmental delays were probably the cause. He went through the terrible twos at nearly 4 for instance so in the beginning I don't think he knew how to advocate his needs.

I wouldn't worry though, even if he is autistic you can't change it so just try and enjoy him being so small.

I have never missed anything because of a crying baby! I have young children and as babies they only cried if hungry or if they needed a nappy change. They were easy to settle and very content, I could take them out and they would happily sit in the buggy or sleep. They don't have autism.

Honestly, I would limit my time around a family member or friend who made a comment like that. You are a new mother with a young baby and you shouldn't made to feel anxious over a non issue.

DD rarely cried, very happy and contented baby - maternity leave was like a holiday! No SEND.

DS very unsettled baby, cried most of the time, didn’t sleep - diagnosed autistic at 5.

The auntie is talking crap.

I have four dc, two diagnosed and two on the pathway for diagnosis. I’m autistic too.

There’s a family history of ND for you, so it’s good to be aware… if your ds is autistic, he will be ok. He has you, and he’ll have support and understanding. But there’s no way of knowing at four months old. It’s hard when you’re anxious but please try not to stress. I cried when my first dc was diagnosed. But feel completely differently and positive about an autism diagnosis now.

My dc were all different as babies. One cried a lot, was incredibly clingy, never slept and never stopped feeding. Another was calm and only cried when they needed something. There’s nothing as a small baby that can indicate autism reliably.

I'm sure you're doing just fine and your aunt sounds awful. I think her lecturers would be horrified by her amateur diagnosing. My son studied psychology but he never went round diagnosing people. He confined himself to trying some conditioning training on the cat.

My sons are both high functioning ASD. Neither of them cried much. My husband who is also ASD apparently screamed non-stop as a baby though according to my FIL who rembered it very vividly.

If your baby was on the spectrum and with a four month old baby who might not cry a lot that's an enormous leap, ASD is a spectrum with lots of people who are high functioning. My oldest is a fifth year medical student, has friends, a partner and can be very charming. My younger son is a university graduate too and really nice, hard working etc. My husband is a scientist and in some of the hard sciences you'd be hard pressed to find somebody neurotypical.

I found it a bit hard to bond with my first child too. I used to worry there was something wrong with me. It just came with time and I certainly wasn't there at four months. Lots of mothers don't fall in love with a baby at first sight despite what lots of people say.

Gently, could this be your anxiety talking? From your original post it sounds like this was a passing comment on ASD rather than her telling you your child is ND - although insensitive. What was the context around the conversation? Sometimes our fears/worries/anxieties run away with us and when we have pre existing difficulties with MH it doesn't take much to read more into a sweeping comment than was intended. It can help to re focus on what was actually said so saying not crying in small babies can be a sign of ASD is different to someone saying have you considered ASD because they don't cry and that's a sign.

FWIW my 17yr has ASD and was definitely not a quiet child. Being a parent is hard and there's no one right way to do it. Most of us worry we're doing it wrong at some point. You are attentive to his needs and interact with him. You can wash the pots and talk to him you don't need to look at him 24/7. I used to pop mine in the bouncer on kitchen floor and sing along to music, would chat about what I was doing when cleaning and what was doing next - just generally the things I was thinking I would voice. It's all interaction.

If they are ND nothing you do or don't do will change that. If you're really worried talk to HV more from a point of having some relief from your own worries rather than it sounding like there's an issue. Try some parent and baby groups in your area, you'll meet lots of babies around the same age probably doing what your little one is doing

Both of my kids are ND, one autistic and both cried PLENTY as babies!

Your relative was thoughtless to say that to you.

My son has asd and he cried a fuck ton.

I worked with children and had specific experience of asd and how presents. I started to notice when he was around 9/10 months. He never babbled (common early sign) and his personality was either furious screaming or no expression. Very few laughs/smiles. Didn't really like to be held except when feeding and sleeping.

Even then although I began to think it I didn't do anything as he was far too young for it to be assessed. When he got to about 18m I involved SALT and hv and started the ball rolling. He saw paediatrician when he was 25 months and was referred to the pathway. He was diagnosed at 3.5 years. I would say that's the younger side of being diagnosed often it's school age and older.

I trained in therapy and my dsis in psychology. I found some people do become'experts' before they even complete their course. 4 months is far too young to know and I see little point in giving thought space to something that may not happen. .

My son was like this. I just leant to read when he was hungry so I would feed him or when he was tired so he would sleep. My best friend had a baby at the same time and could never read what he wanted, he would be hungry and she would be playing with toys while he was screaming for food. Then he would be windy from crying for an hour and she would try feeding him.

(neither of them were autistic)

My brother is autistic and cried non stop for the first year of his life. Don't listen to this muppet who thinks she's an expert because she's doing a course.

It's a sign, not the sign. There's a reason the diagnostic criteria includes multiple symptoms.

I'm in a similar position with an infrequent crier here. I'm also a worrier and put a lot of pressure on myself to be constantly cuddling/playing/singing/reading because I wanted to do everything right.

I'd agree with PP to look for local mum and baby groups. We go to a couple a week and it really helps to get a bit of interaction with other adults, and get some reassurance that what you're doing is ok (I was reassured when I was told that you can overstimulate a baby and some down time is good for them too - they're not going to lose their bond with you if you pop them on a playmate while you have a cup of tea and a minute to yourself etc.), and to see how other people interact with their babies.

DB and I are both autistic. Apparently I cried all day and he cried all night.

3 children in our house.

DS1 and DD cried A LOT. Both are autistic.
DS2 didn't cry at all. At his six week check, the worry was that he was deaf and he had heaps of tests. He is neither deaf nor autistic. Just a very placid / quiet baby who is a very neurotypical and easy going, if somewhat phlegmatic adult.

Your Auntie is talking bollocks.

"Studying psychology at uni".

Lol. She's an idiot.

OP, I mean this gently but it sounds like your anxiety is what needs some more attention, not his auntie and her comment. Now that you are a parent, you will find that you constantly have to bat away comments and opinions from others about your child and about how you ‘should’ parent. People will have things to say about how you wean them, how best to toilet train them, how to manage their behaviour when they’re older etc etc. Most of the time people are well meaning and think that they are being helpful, especially if they have had children themselves. I get that the comment in question is about something that already worries you, but if you hang onto every comment and worry about it this much then you are really going to struggle mentally.

It sounds like you are a great mum, the fact that you are thinking about how best to interact with your child and are wanting reassurance that you are doing enough to help them develop shows this. Don’t worry about the unsolicited comments from unqualified people. Instead just enjoy your baby and trust your own instincts about how best to care for them. You know your baby best and if in the future you feel that you are seeing any signs of them being ND then you can ask for support from the proper channels.

*Edited as realised it’s his aunty, not yours, who made the comment.

Psychology student here, (finale year) yes it can be but so can constant a cry. Normally it's a load of symptoms together. She's completely wrong to of said that to you. Also if she's not a specialist then she can't really say..... she would have to do proper observation etc. kinda hard on a 4 months old!! sounds like you just have a good baby. Enjoy!!!

She didn’t tell you that your baby has autism though did she? She said it’s a sign of autism.

It possibly can be, as can excessive crying, but it’s looking back when the child is older that you can possibly know whether it was for your child, with lots of other symptoms.

She was insensitive to say it but you’re in control of what you do with the information. I’d just ignore it.

My DD was a chill baby, not much upset her from day one; DS was born screaming at the top of his lungs and continued to enjoy a good yell into his toddler years. 😂 Both are now NT teenagers.

I wish I could give you a really big hug! I don’t normally feel like that but it seems you need it.

You seem so anxious and like you don’t have much help and support, it sounds like you need to give yourself a break.

There aren’t any rules to being a parent, there’s no specific way to interact and lots of ways to create a bond. You obviously care deeply or you wouldn’t be anxious or posting.

As awful as it is some parents give their babies the bare minimum of interaction and their children grow up fine. I think you need to put less pressure on yourself and do what feels natural, as long as you love and care for your baby it doesn’t make a difference if you are reading to them or trying to hold a conversation!

Ignore comments about autism, there is honestly no way of telling at this age. Me, my partner, my best friend and her 4 children are all neurodiverse and all of us were different as babies, it was obvious for some of us earlier than others but my DP has literally only just been diagnosed. His parents are autistic so had no idea his behaviour wasn’t “normal” as he has a lot of similar traits to them.

IF your child is autistic then you’ll cope, remember autism is a spectrum and often the label is more alarming than dealing with the diagnosis. Worrying about it is only going to make life harder until you might have to worry.
Don’t compare your baby to anyone else’s and try not to look for “signs” that might be completely misleading.

It sounds like you have a calm and happy baby so please try to focus on that, it sounds like you are getting help and support for anxiety which is good.

Anxiety is a bitch and you can’t just turn it on and off, I just hope you give yourself praise when it’s due. Being a parent is tough - especially when you are doing it alone, you have no idea what to expect or if you are doing it right or wrong. Please try to focus on the happy moments if you can and avoid people who give you unnecessary stress xxx

This op. Enjoy your baby

I’m fine, but then I’m not the one making silly, ill thought out sweeping statements.

Are you OK? You seem a little activated by a small part of a comment made by a stranger on the internet. Wishing you well.