Baby rarely cries and I was told he’s autistic

Do you think this is mainly your anxiety talking OP? I have health anxiety and what you're writing feels like a similar pattern. (Overestimating the chances of something going wrong, and then underestimating the chances of being able to cope with it.)

I'm glad you have already been getting some support, and hope you can continue to do that, as well as finding other parents to connect with too.

My mental health was pretty bad when mine were babies. I felt like I was losing the plot, didn't know what I was doing, thought I was doing everything wrong, felt really out of control... Other parents that I met at groups (and I dragged myself out to a group every day in the end!) kept me sane. Hearing different experiences and realising most of the things babies do that we worry about are some version of normal baby stuff!

Fwiw, I have one diagnosed ASD who screamed non stop from birth, and one suspected who was much less screamy, neither of them showed any signs at that age, that came much later. Both of them are wonderful humans, even as teens generally sweet and kind. And their quirky humour makes me laugh a lot!

Honestly? I think you're just lucky to have an easy baby. Ours is similar - it's never crossed my mind that it could be a sign of autism. She's our fourth child and the easiest of the babies.

Please do not let your Aunt worry you and ruin the early part of your baby's life with worry. Put it this way, if he does have autism, you can't do anything about it. BUT... she's made a strange armchair diagnosis that bears no actual relation to reality. Some babies are just more chilled out than others. Enjoy it!

My NT son never cried. He was as happy as a pig in poo as long as he was fed and clean. My autistic son screamed constantly, not just crying but hysterical screaming round the clock. Nothing would pacify him.

Ignore your Aunt, there’s nothing more annoying than a psychology student. My DB told me that my then 4yo DD was a sociopath because she’d lied about pinching chocolate. I worried for years, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. He’s a Dr now and we have a good chuckle about his crazy student diagnoses.

OP, your child will either be autistic or they won't, looking out for signs won't change that. Most children don't get diagnosed until they are at school, 4 months is way too young - my DD was 8 but the diagnosis wasn't a surprise. As a baby she was pretty typical. Honestly, if and when that happens, just deal with it as it comes.

Just wondering, was there any mention of lockdown having an affect here. As in, not the usual amount of contact with lots of people that a child would normally have? It's just something I remember being mentioned at the time, so it could just be a delay due to circumstances rather than anything else. Sorry if I'm way off the mark.

She’s an idiot who hasn’t learned anything yet. No professional would say something like that based on ONE feature and at 4 months old. And so flippantly too.

Dont worry OP.

@Bigbenbube other indicators were lack of eye contact when feeding but now his eye contact is just typical 🤷‍♀️. Well, with me and husband, and some others. Honestly, he was the most fun loving beautiful baby and we’d hug for hours and hours on end - he was born two weeks before lockdown and we had him all to ourselves. It was blissful.
I noticed at about six to eight months something was up - when I took him on walks in the pram, he never looked at me, just trees and plants. We still joke he’s going to be a botanist. He would never look at friends if we met up to walk. Weaning was a nightmare - that was a difficult period!

There is some evidence about a link between the amount a baby cries and autism but it's not that straightforward - or well proven yet. Basically, babies who turn out to be autistic have been observed to be either really big cryers or really quiet and barely cried. But it's not just that they didn't cry much, they were also very passive, didn't really care about being held etc.
The saying about a little knowledge being a dangerous thing exists for a reason!
Also,fwiw, my eldest is autistic and he didn't fall into either camp, there were absolutely no signs at 4 months at all.

I’m not autistic at all.

My mum said I was a “very special baby” who never cried. When my 19 month old cries when I leave the room she always makes a point to say “you never did that!”.

Some babies have a calm, not easily rattled temperament. In isolation it means absolutely nothing.

Your baby sounds lovely. It's great that you've mentioned looking for more baby groups as I think baby would enjoy the singing and the interaction with other parents and helpers would be reassuring for you. You sound very focused on doing things right but there are lots of ways to be a good parent. It's just we were never meant to be isolated from each other.

Both of mine are autistic and we're velcro babies. crying constantly, unable to put them down.

yours sounds easy going, enjoy. not being a cry-baby is not a diagnostic criterium. unless you have other concerns, such sweeping statements are really irresponsible.

Mine cried relentlessly, was always unsettled and irritable when not held and has autism and multiple other diagnoses.

Developed fine until 2 when it became really apparent.

4m is too early to tell, some babies are just very settled.

Even if baby is autistic, don’t worry about it, there are challenges with every child and a health diagnosis will not diminish how wonderful your child is. Support is available and plenty of guidance.

Enjoy your baby.

My ASD and potentially ASD children were both content babies, but I was also very attentive to them. They have/may have what used to be called Aspergers to give you an indication of the level of need.

The first sign was probably that their language development was slow, but with the oldest (diagnosed at 8) it was within normal range. The other had SLT input but it wasn't until they were 6 that school referred them for ASD/ADHD assessment.

Please don't let your aunts comments ruin this precious time with your baby. Its impossible to tell a child is asd until after 18 months and even then you still can't!

My dd never cried unless hungry or dirty nappy and was a great sleeper, great eye contact.

She has a couple of asd flags but I think these will clear up after time.

My son is autistic and he cried for the first 6 months like he hated the world. He passed the 1yr check with a written HV comment in his book that he's a "happy and sociable boy, laughing and seeking positive attention".

Clearly, you can't tell shit at 4 months, their brains aren't developed enough to display any of the traits.

Enjoy your baby. Don't let people spoil your journey with unsolicited and untrue opinions spouted as secure facts and knowledge.

My DD2 cried all the time (I actually meant all the time), and she's autistic. DD1 was very happy and chilled, hardly ever cried and she's not autistic. DS cried sometimes and is probably autistic (waiting for assessment).
So IME crying or not means nothing. At any rate 4 months is far too young to know and please don't use goggle. You'll only convince yourself.

Omg my DD never cried. People
used to comment on it. If she did it was just a moment, once picked up or fed she was fine. She is not autistic.

Maybe you should ask his aunt to stop psycho analysing him. It’s none of her business.

maybe the baby’s auntie hasn’t reached the psychology module where you don’t diagnose conditions in a throwaway comment. I think unless it builds a bigger picture that worries you ( and even then at 4 months I think it would be very difficult to do this) try not to worry and enjoy your chilled baby!

Autism can't even be tested for until 31 months old, so there is no way of knowing. What an odd comment to make xx

One of mine was very content untill he started teething. Just enjoy your baby, no clinical would diagnose a four month old baby like that

I cried so little as a baby my mum took me to the doctor. The doctor told her to enjoy it and that I was fine. He was right.

Both of my babies cried an awful lot one of them is autistic. It doesn't sound like a useful comment to me. Enjoy your baby, ignore your aunt, that was a very stupid comment of her to make.

My dd didn't cry much either cos all her needs were met - 12 now and def not autistic!