Husband on phone the whole fucking time he’s with the children

As an aside, the OP mentioned that reading would be preferable as it sets a good example. I love reading but do so on a kindle, I can imagine to a small child it looks very much like I'm staring at a screen, I don't know why that would be any better?

Because children quickly figure out the difference and realise that kindles are books, with un-colourful dull pages which don't suck all of your attention like phones do.

Exact opposite is true. Compared with physical text, this study shows that smartphones cause overactivity in the prefrontal cortex which suggests that the brain was under heavy cognitive load

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-022-05605-0

Ah yes I did think that was the case but I wasn’t 100% sure😅 I completely agree with you!

Op has mentioned that she suspects DH is feeding breakfast to 1yr old at 5am, not later as she would. Their 3yr old is waking 6/7am would also having be having breakfast. Possible nappy changes for both?

There are at least 2 activities being preformed between 5am and 7am, that are being discounted to maintain the narrative "he's on his phone 100% of the 2 hours"

As an aside, the OP mentioned that reading would be preferable as it sets a good example. I love reading but do so on a kindle, I can imagine to a small child it looks very much like I'm staring at a screen, I don't know why that would be any better?

Tough shit. You are insane and damaging your family with your extremism.

it will not end well.

Hormones are always seemingly a cast iron excuse for batshit behaviour. That’s been rolled out in the very first sentence by the OP.

for any parent, the 5-7am shift with small kids is just about getting through it. To be judged by someone else who is lying in their bed every day through that time would be sickening.

Hmm - I’m unconvinced. If I’m reading a good book I’m just as likely to be ignoring what’s going on around me as if I’m on mumsnet on the phone or watching a show on my iPad.
I’d focus a lot less on what his chosen activity is and a lot more on the not actually supervising. It’s surely the latter that is the real issue.

'I wouldn't be leaving my bed at five am. Kids would either be put back to bed until at least six or brought in mine with iPad/tv. Given you are pregnant it's good of your partner to take kids down and give you a rest. I'd be pretty grateful for that arrangement.'

This.

You kids shouldn't be up at 5am. They certainly shouldn't be allowed to play and tbh the less interaction from the adult the better to discourage them from getting up! Kids are similar to dogs in that respect, the less encouragement and reward you give them the less incentive they have to get up.

If you must talk about 'parenting fails', then the parent not playing games with them at 5am is not one.

@MariaVT65 If you're still tired then maybe 9pm isn't early enough. Early starts are crap, needing early nights and having zero adult time is crap, broken nights are awful, raising small children is completely exhausting and watching babies for hours can be mind-numbingly boring and the temptation to find entertainment and connection on a phone is strong.

What’s the difference between someone looking at their phone and someone reading a book?

Brain activity. One turns you into an obvlious zombie the other doesn't. Not to mention what you are modelling. Just try it out - when you use your phone around kids they tend to demand your attention more, can sense you are absent, want to know what exciting thing you are looking at. With a book they can sense you are more present, you are more responsive and they soon see that a dull page with words does not look enticing and leave you to it, secure in the knowledge that you are semi-present. Hunt, Gather, Parent has a great chapter on this.

Unless i misread, Op is not saying that her DH tells the kids to sod off if they want something from him.

He didn't notice his child sustain an injury

I'm guessing you're feeling defensive and angry because you spend a lot of time glued to your phone in front of your children?

I'd be more worried if he was reading a book. I think it's easy to have an eye on the kids while watching a stupid YouTube video but a book takes a lot more of your attention.

YABU and controlling. You’ve asked him to look after the kids and leave you in bed. This is how he chooses to do it. Just let him get on with it…or make your kids stay in bed later.

Must I state the obvious? It won't work in a night or two or weeks... Common sense will tell you it'll take months or even a year to reset their sleep cycle from going to bed at stupid early o clock!

To be fair, op has said that she'll get up with them now. I hope not as a martyr, big sigh every morning 'I'll just do it myself then.'

I wonder what response her dh would get if he posted on here criticising how she supervises and interacts with them.

Yes it does. I know of very few people if any with this problem whereas it seems to be a constant problem for UK parents

You can't be suggesting foreign kids are all straggling around vvv sleep deprived, since you think they all wake up at 5am despite going to bed at a normal hour? That's sleep deprivation and child abuse on a mass scale....

Just drug the kids and be done with it. Everyone will get sleep and no one will be destroying children’s futures by looking at phones…

OP I think it’s fine to some extent. Fine as in you get some much needed extra sleep and honestly as mum to much older kids I’d really go with no sweating the small stuff BUT it does sound like your DH needs a digital detox and rather than being pissed off with him maybe reframing it as getting some help with this. I’m guilty of it too but I’ve just given myself lent off social media and it’s been great but not easy. We’re all so addicted to our phones and sounds like your DH might need some help with that.

"If this is too much of a struggle at 5am, you need to go to bed earlier."

Bless your cotton socks.

I also live in a country where children have later bedtimes than the UK, and it makes No Difference.

Not true. Most parents with early risers will have tried this genius hack and the kids just wake up at the same time but extra exhausted and horribly ratty all day.

I disagree with all the "boring them back to bed" posts... What's the point of making them sleep for hours upon hours?! Just give them a later bedtime like most other countries and they'll wake up at a normal time

every now and then it’s fine, all the time, not so much

It's not being a parent-in-chief, it's a partnership where you both agree what you feel is harmful for your children and agree not to do it.

You think it's OK for the DF to conceal his behaviour after the OP already said she:

'explained I didn’t think this was alright and if he didn’t feel up to getting up I would rather do it myself'

Your children need to find the 5am starts boring, so there is no upside to continuing. No toys, no cheerful engaged parenting.

Yes this is true but the opposite of being a phone zombie is not 'cheerful engaged parenting', it is not having a phone in your hand.

It is not good for children to be constantly entertained and interacted with every waking moment. It's perfectly fine to set up an area for the children to get on with playing and take a step back. I've early risers and I let them play while I sit beside them on a device. I might be doomscrolling, watching a movie, researching something or doing work for my job. However, I'm always supervising and they don't leave the room I'm in. There are literally right beside me. A parenting fail would be to let them get up by themselves unsupervised. It's silly to suggest that providing a safe, supervised area for children to play while you sit 1 metre away either dealing with the tedium of getting up so early or getting on with some online tasks is letting your children down. My kids are drawing, building forts, making Barbie worlds, making books. Sometimes they are just watching a movie. Its downtime and if my husband had an issue with how I relieved him of having to get up from 5-7, I would be telling him to get up himself. There is a full day to fill with meaningful interaction and and purposeful activities!

Edited to add that I'm also a teacher, and also, like a previous teacher poster above said, notice the children whose parents keep them entertained all the time have poor imaginations and often struggle to take any initiate. Let them be bored and give them things to use their imagination with.

If you don’t like his parenting then get up with them
I think 5am is a miserable time and most people would struggle and I don’t see a problem if the children are up and playing and safe then why should he sit and stare into space
if you think he should be role playing well that’s not everyone’s cup of tea either and I’d struggle to do that for two hours
breakfast doesn’t take that long either so once they are fed
what do you expect him to do exactly? Play peppa pig? Dress up , role play? chores?

I was going to say this too, children need to learn to play by themselves as long as they're playing and not glued to screens I think it's okay. I do not think you should dictate what your husband does in the morning but he needs to be more aware of what the children are doing so they don't get hurt. Maybe you should speak to him about the incidents and ask how he can be more aware rather than saying he can't look after his own children because you don't trust him.

If you do decide to do it yourself, are you also going to be angry if he's awake at 5, in bed watching YouTube?