Husband on phone the whole fucking time he’s with the children

No they weren’t. All the evidence is that parents throughout history spent far less time being “attentive” to their children than today. I’m 40, if I’d been up that early my options would all have involved amusing myself while my mum or dad read, slept, listened to the radio or did chores.

This is entirely normal. Anyone who would have any issue with this entirely normal human behaviour has serious issues.

lying in your bed while your partner does the 5-7am including breakfast etc and actually having the cheek to judge and the audacity to be angry is just…..I have no more words.

i do actually. It’s abusive.

What time are they going to bed? The clock going forward will help, what was 5am is now 6am, just don’t bring their bedtime forward.

He may just not be that interested in his his own children, enjoy spending time with them or feel it's his 'job' to engage with them.

Has he ever said I'll do that 'for you?'

And another one on the way, you say?

I get you OP. The husband being with the children from 5-7am, glued to his phone is not good. What do people who support him think tens of generations before us did without a little screen to keep us entertained? That's right, they were attentive to their children.

YANBU.
Parents ignoring their children in favour of the phone is more damaging than screen time in many ways, no matter what time of day it happens.

Sorry OP but I'm barely functioning at 5am and I do the exact same thing. I get a coffee, curl up on the sofa and faff on my phone while the kids happily play with their toys. About 6am, when the caffeine hits my brain, I start to become a normal, functioning human again. We then have breakfast and get into the routine of the day where I am not on my phone.

As long as the kids are happy and safe, I don't see what the issue is.

I’ve just learnt that day in, day out, he is, from 5am-7am, just watching YouTube videos on his phone.

I understand how you discovered this just on one day but how do you know he's doing it daily if you're asleep at these times ?

Oh calm yourself down with the “parents today!” despair, the line you’ve quoted sounds far more like it’s DH’s or a joint iPad, not individual iPads for the toddlers.

@ironedcurtain what time do you think is a good time to put children to bed? Because mine go to bed around 9pm, like most of their peers and two out of the 3 are up at 5/6am. I'm not willing to keep them up much later than that, for a plethora of reasons. This has been our routine for years.

You are both BU.

OP, you shouldn’t police his phone usage when he’s on the graveyard shift, he’s an adult.

He is BU if he’s not paying proper attention to them but you admit you’ve only seen this on occasion. Very young children are prone to hurting themselves so it can be very difficult to ascertain how things are done. If this accident was potentially as serious as you claim under his watch then why have you, phone or not allowed him to carry on getting up with them until now? Why has it taken a MN post for you to be safeguarding your children if he’s not capable of doing it? If hes not supervising them adequately then he shouldn’t be watching them alone.

My second point, you say you believe the children are waking up early because your husband is feeding them breakfast when they wake up. This isn’t him constantly ignoring them for two whole hours and neglecting them is it? You actually don’t have proof of him not supervising them for long periods of time by the sounds of it. I think he could be supervising them adequately without over stimulating them for two hours and if he has his phone with him you would still find argument with him.

One thing you’ve not enlightened us with is what you actually do with them between the hours of 5-7? What would you have him do with them if you’re trying to establish a better sleeping routine? You say TV isn’t as bad as screen time, personally I totally disagree. Growing up in an era where phones and tablets didn’t exist in the capacity they do today, many children were still addicted to TV and they were also used as a non human babysitting service. Do you just plonk them in front of the TV then? Or are you doing activities with them that are over stimulating them early in the morning that encourage them to wake up earlier? Have you communicated what you think is better for him to be doing with them? This early in the morning neither parenting approach can win. There needs to be some form of compromise on both sides because screen time usage itself when coupled with periods of structured learning activities ie. Imaginative play, painting etc won’t cause behavioural problems. However, a lack of consistent parenting, one parent being witnessed to control and berate the other, or growing up in a household that’s overly strict or filled with arguments and tension is far more damaging for them.

I can't get past the fact at the ages of 1 and 3 they also have ipads.
But then I suppose that's what it is this day and age.

This weirdo always has some vitriolic thing to say to any OP, regardless of stance, just report her and don't respond to the bait.

That's entirely true. You have your own standards and each family decides them selves. The issue you have is that parents need to be broadly on the same page, or if they are not have a healthy respect for the other which you appear not to. You want your husband to do what you do. But if you approach it in the way you are describing here, which come across judgemental and that you are perfect, then you are likely to only succeed in him retreating further into his cave. I think I have got it right in that he gets up at 5 and then works all day, and in that scenario I understand why he chooses to try to be more relaxed in those times. Just because if you got up at that time you would chose not to, doesn't mean he is wrong. If your issue is a concern he doesn't have quality time with his kids, then work with him to find a time at weekends when he can do that. But if all you are interested in is him doing exactly what you do, you are likely to be on a hiding to nothing. TBH the way you write about him comes across that you don't even like him.

So?

Do your own research!!

But since I'm so passionate about this I spent 90 seconds on Google found hundreds.

It doesn't matter if it's "just" 2 hours or if it's 5am. It's called bystander ignorance and it is seriously damaging. You'd be better off leaving children alone in a room with a baby monitor.

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/321168013_The_influence_of_parental_smartphone_use_eye_contact_and_'bystander_ignorance'_on_child_development

https://academic.oup.com/hcr/article/49/3/285/7010694

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0747563217303722

https://journals-sagepub-com.bris.idm.oclc.org/doi/full/10.1177/2050157919846916

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8048888/

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_happens_when_you_use_your_phone_around_your_kids

So much defensiveness and denial underpinned by false logic on this thread. The opposite of using your phone is not Mary Poppins parenting. The opposite of using your phone is not using your phone. I love when people deny scientific fact because its not convenient.

Yep, this. why even have kids if you're just going to ignore them? Having the TV is a bit different, this is just sad. OP your husband sounds very young.

every single day?

yes, I’m sure the husband gets 2 hours to himself every day.

No, whilst she,a pregnant woman, gets the one break a day from her children whilst the other parent is supposed to be doing some parenting

What the fuck is depraved about a pregnant woman having 2 hours a day where the other parent actually does the parenting?

It is ok to do this. It’s absolutely insane that anyone thinks it isn’t.

its deranged.

I would be pissed as well. I am also very strict about screen time. I allow Peppa once a week and absolutely no mindless scrolling when she's around. We play music from phone or check things quickly but I don't want baby to make a connection phone=fun. I know how hard I have to control myself to really focus and stop scrolling.

Our daughter started waking up ~5 am recently as well (and we tried with different amount of naps/bed time etc. nothing helps). She usually spends a bit of time going though books and laying with her teddies and one of us (we rotate and just go to be earlier) gets up with her around 6 am.

Exactly this

Extremism 😂our society's all consuming addiction to a well-known child developement harm is the extreme behaviour.

Swap parental screen use for smoking in front of DC. You'd all be going nuts. This is as harmful in a psychological sense.

I'm interested to see how the DH spending 2 hours on his phone rather than being aware of his children has turned into the OP needing to stop them getting up early/sleep train them

He's had 2 hours a day where he could have been fixing this issue. Maybe he should have spent some of that time researching/watching videos on that...