Husband on phone the whole fucking time he’s with the children

Sorry but you sound hard work OP

Also you need to find a way to stop them getting up so early, especially the older one

They aren’t crying. They’re playing.

Any emotionally healthy and functioning person does not dictate in a partnership, that’s very telling of your character. You may find “going mad” and asserting aggressive behaviour acceptable within a household of infants but most thankfully do not because it’s equally as damaging to them. Issues should always be discussed calmly with both parties open to hearing the other persons opinions and compromise. That’s how having a healthy partnership with young children works. There are more issues at play than just him not being as focused as he should be. The OP doesn’t think he should have his phone around the children altogether. Plenty of people are capable of doing both. We have seen the OP has “told” her husband the way she wants it, but we’re yet to hear how she wishes for it to be achieved on her terms? She has said she has witnessed this ‘on occasion’ but has been happy enough to ignore it when it suits until her child has had an accident and received a nasty cut. Not really poor OP, both should be trying much harder. Better question, why is the OP repeatedly having children with this same man who can’t be bothered to parent his children and constantly betrays her? You can’t have it both ways and vilify one person when both are evidently culpable.

They aren’t crying babies.

It seems like your main issue is the quality of time your husband is spending with the children? Which I agree is not great for him or the kids. So what can you do together to rectify this? I don’t think the answer is having him get up at 5am to be with them before heading out to a 10?12?14? hour work day. How can you and your husband find a way that he is able to be around more in the early evening to spend time better quality time with them? Can he reduce his hours?

You've posted twice, with a smiling emoji, that if/when you divorce, you'd still have your kids all the time. How? You'd have to get a job.
Why does he keep impregnating you when he refuses to parent? Is he a bit thick?

@Hownowbrownsheep. Swapping the scenario for smoking rather than phone use is an interesting point. On reflection, I feel differently towards the phone use around his kids than if the father were smoking. I would have more of an issue if he were smoking. But my point about him being an equal parent stands, so if he insisted on smoking I don’t see how I could stop him. Just my opinion.

I think this problem will solve its self I think you’ll find yourself on your own with 3 kids

there seems zero room for compromise and what you says goes

just because your phone has a video running doesn’t mean it’s got your undivided attention
at night I can be watching a film and browsing at same time

think you need to unclench

I can't help thinking if a man had posted this exact same scenario the other way around he would have absolutely had his arse handed to him.

I'm a bit on the fence with this. Firstly I think there is a good chance that Youtube has autoplayed those videos in succession. Secondly, it really depends what the children were doing. If they were close by/independently playing I wouldn't interfere with that. If of course they were doing something dangerous/actively seeking attention that is a bit different.

I think the point is though-your husband is doing what few would do-voluntarily getting up much earlier than he needs to for work to allow you extra sleep whilst pregnant-and then going off to work full time. It doesn't make him a saint, but it does mean he is making an effort.

You also have to accept two parents will often have different approaches in many things-and mostly, that is a good thing-it gives balance-one parent cannot direct all the decisions on parenting. It is compromise both ways. As long as your children get love and attention, I doubt very much this is as harmful as some replies suggest. Teaching independent play is also very important developmentally. Moreover, this is short term, whilst in the later stage of pregnancy? I think I would take the extra sleep whilst you can!

Kids need their sleep. There is a plethora of evidence that states poor sleep equals poor behaviour and development . The op is displaying poor parenting choices imo by encouraging these 5am starts, and if she wants 'interaction' then that is indeed encouraging.

Soothe, comfort quietly and keep them in their bedrooms until a reasonable hour. If they won't do that then phone use is the least of their problems going forward.

Well we might be. A 12 month old crying is a crying baby in my book, unless I've missed it somewhere we dont know exactly how old her 1 yo is.

I also wouldn't ignore a crying 3 year old.

I find it very unusual you wouldn't interact with your child but it takes all sorts I suppose.

@Janiie @Italianita

5am is NOT playtime

the kids should be in bed not up and having a parent interact with them

We're not talking about crying babies. We're talking about kids getting up at 5am and a minority of folk thinking they should have a parent 'interact' with them.

Bit of a stretch. It's also silly to act like parenting isn't hard, requiring compromise, and that single parents are having a whale of a time. But do go on acting like ending a marriage over something so petty would be a reasonable outcome here 🙄

You can't ignore a crying baby at 5am!

At the age DS woke up at stupid o'clock in the morning, I would sleep lightly on the sofa while he banged duplo together 🤷‍♀️

I think he wouldn’t be able to win no matter what he did. He probably agreed with you for a quiet life and even though you say you’d have discussed it if he hadn’t agreed, from the way you’ve presented yourself on here, it wouldn’t have been a discussion, it would have been you telling him what was happening with no thought for his opinion. This esp comes through when you’re all “well, I’d be having them 100% if we split up.”

The fact that he’s happy to get up and let you rest when he has what’s presumably a long day of work ahead (going by you saying these 2 hours are the only time he sees them) is a good thing. Not that I’m suggesting being a SAHP is easy by any stretch but there is more room for flexibility in plans than when working.

You say these are the only 2 hours of the day/week that he gets to spend with them - why? Is that because he works long hours? What about the weekend? And what would happen if they did happen to sleep until say 7? He’d not see them at all? Because that wouldn’t be his fault (unless there’s a massive back story that he deliberately works long hours to avoid being at home).

Regardless of your opinion, there are plenty of people who see no difference between reading a book or being on YouTube etc and as an adult, it’s his choice. And when you say “well, I’ll do it then”, I’ll refer you back to my first paragraph. You sound very much like a martyr.

Btw it's not that I ever did this with my kids because they hadn't invented smartphones and home internet was very expensive! Children don't need to be entertained constantly, certainly not before 8am

They should be ignored at 5am!

At 5am I'd be snoozing on the sofa to be honest, way too early. To be honest I would march them back to bed and say too early and only allow them up at 7am. My kids learned very quickly that getting up time was later.

How old is your 1year old @Hormonalorjustified ? I'm asking because there is a big difference between leaving a 23 month old and a 12 month old to play whilst semi paying attention.

5am starts a brutal, when my (now) 2.5 year old goes through phases of waking up early i normally just close my eyes with bluey on in the background. I have a 9 month old too so when he wakes up early I have to play etc and i hate it.

I am trying to limit time on my phone though- I have never noticed how much I go on it infront of them but my toddler said "no phone" the other day so I now leave it on loud in the other room until nap time.

You are pregnant, with two young children. You and your husband must both be totally exhausted (I know we are!) It's hard but i don't think this would be the hill I'd be willing to die on. Having 3 kids under 4 will be tough with 2 of you, let alone if you decide to do it alone.

Also, going against the grain a bit here but I don't think he's dad of the year for getting up with them in the mornings. One of you has to and you are growing a human. It sounds like getting up and going on his phone is literally the least he could do but I wouldn't get a divorce over this either.

The early mornings are hard and the days are long i think you need to do whatever gets you through it. You can be as engaged as you like and your children may still have behavioural issues. You dont get to choose. My son has always had behavioural issues and we are both very actively engaged parents. While my friends are able to have lazy days watching tv with their children we have to be doing activities constantly to keep my son focused and engaged. I'd actually love if he would watch a screen for a while!

Sleeping brains do you think “oh I must wake to watch TV”.