Husband on phone the whole fucking time he’s with the children

Asking him how one DC bumped his head and her DH didn't know

Hearing the DC talking to him and him not responding.

Are you all missing the point 5-7 is the ONLY time he spends with the kids.

court mandated?
weekends with dad

yeah right not happening as his 2 hour slot he has he’s barely there anyways. Accidents are happening because he isn’t parenting he’s aimlessly scrolling on his phone.

oh and he’s doing her favour please he’s a parent to not the bloody hired help

You are missing the point when posters say if you continue like this you will cause your marriage to end and you say you dont mind having them 100% of the time. The thing is, your husband will have court mandated access to his children and can spend that time with them as he wishes, once they are safe and fed. And then you won't be able to monitor what he does or dictate how he entertains them, would the thought of that not make you despair more?

If you separate you may have to get work outside the home and your children may need a minder or creche. You won't be able to dictate to that caregiver to spend 100% of their time interacting with your children.

BTW, you said they are "playing unsupervised". Unless you live in a mansion an adult in a downstairs open plan area or next room would be able to supervise children playing, even if also scrolling on a phone.

You’re clearly on your gadgets all the time. He’s neglecting the kids she should care.

OP will have something to say im sure. But why ask if you don't like replies that disagree with your opinion.
YABU.
He's their father leave him to parent as he sees fit why should you dictate what he does?! You must be a nightmare to live with!

Why do you get to dictate to him how you each parent the children? He clearly doesn’t care about your no tv rule. You don’t sound terribly approachable if he doesn’t agree either. No wonder he’s been doing it and not saying anything.

I think if he is on his phone for those couple of hours that early but is tending to their needs in a 'good enough' way- fine.

If he is not tending to their needs properly during those hours due to being on his phone, or is also spending most of his time generally around them on his phone rather than giving them any attention- not OK.

He’s their dad.

Why do you get to decide how he wants to “parent” at 5am?

He probably thinks he’s doing you a big favour because you’re exhausted and wrung out (just a hunch) and here you are criticising the poor guy.

Exactly what I did when my youngest ones used to wake at a ridiculous time every morning, take them downstairs to avoid waking the older ones, put Frozen on (yes, every morning 🙄😂) and then I’d doze on the sofa!

Just get up with them then. Do you both a favour.

YABU and sound overbearing and controlling. How did you even discover what he was doing during this time? Checking his phone?

Won't she go back to sleep if you put her in bed with you?

Yes I've looked up a video on YT , played it then put phone down to go and make a cuppa or something. Return to find it's playing through random videos by itself

I’m laughing and totally missing the point of this thread sleep train a child to sleep beyond their time which the now is 5 yeah right not every child will be “trained” they’re not dogs.

I think you're making a big mistake insisting on getting up at 5 yourself now. The resentment about that will build and build, and you're already talking about divorce. Screen time isn't great for kids but do you really think divorce is a better option for them?!

Ok not the point of the thread but this level of Internet monitoring is insane!

Yes, there is a certain irony to you posting non-stop for an hour and a half!

I'd be interested to see which studies you're referring to where a connection between adults having too much screen time and their children having behavioural issues is proved. Can you share links?

Sorry not relevant to your post, but curious what time they go to bed…5am seems ridiculously early!

Also, I'd be absolutely livid if my partner was checking my internet history like this.

As another poster pointed out, you've made light on what it would be like if you were divorced, but in that situation he'd have the kids in his house and you wouldn't have the ability to check his phone.

There seem to be a couple of things here

You are disappointed he doesn’t actively engage with your DC in the same way you do, you feel he’s broken your trust and you’re worried about screen addiction.

It seems to me he just wants an easy life and ‘agreed’ to reducing his screen time to keep you happy. He’s trying to look after you.

When mine were little and up at 5am they were put infront of the TV while I drank coffee and tried to wake up. YABU.

Can you see the difference between thinking it’s sub-optimal your husband does this, and thinking stuff like this is the reason “teachers are on their knees”?

It’s not the fact you don’t like him doing this, it’s the hyperbole that comes along with it. My parenting is based on my life experience too but I don’t “despair” of loving (I assume) parents doing something I think is a bit lax, or blame them for a fall in behaviour in society given that there are so many children out there who are genuinely neglected.

Well, at least you'd be consistently wrong.

If a woman was parenting like this and her DH was on here complaining, I'd agree with him.