45mins is plenty for a 5yo to sit at a family lunch

Your children sound very well behaved, family are being unreasonable in their expectations, I mean 4 courses for a 3 year old? No chance! That's bonkers. Sorry to hear no family engaged with then, my ILs are like that, and as a result my son always acts up more then he usually would if he gets attention, it's a nightmare!

I think people forget that a meal is much more functional when you are under about ten years old.

I've had so many conversations with my parents trying to explain why a 3 hour meal with lovely wine starting at 3pm isn't going to work for my DC.

I would be equal parts ragey and sad to receive such a judgy and over stepping message.

I’d consider the real lesson not saying no to plans that dont fully incorporate children. It is Hard work keeping children engaged at the dinner table at those ages. It takes most of your energies so you wouldn’t have been able to talk to the other adults anyways.

Not to mention they’d already done the quiet playing for half an hour anyway!

Thank fuck that times are progressing and this outdated archaic attitude is on the way out.

This is batshit.

OP. YANBU.

Id never return if I was called “rude” for keeping an eye on my very young children.

I think your sil is the one that needs to learn lessons not you

It sounds absolutely awful and some dc genuinely can't cope with sitting for long periods.

Children come to things at different ages and can't instantly do everything from being born.

Being a good host is also being receptive to the dc needs and she's clearly failed. It's awful to think people were watching and judging you whilst simultaneously not giving any thought to talking let alone entertaining the dc.

They are def a bit bonkers

But in this situation I don’t think both of us would have left the table. If it was the in-laws then I would have gone into the garden and left my dh to it! And probably vv if it was my family.

they all need to be a bit more cognisant of the kids next time.

Unless garden had a pond or pool not sure why both you and dh needed to go outside with them

If enclosed they would have been fine

If not safe then one of you to go out

No need for both to leave table and other adults chatting

But fab your kids can play /read /sticker by self. Mini blondes 7 can as well

@anxioussister

but Sunday/Easter Lunch should be one of those events.

I assume your SIL isn't used to small children?!?!

your children were well behaved for their age. I probably would have also taken some cartoon or asked to put the TV on for them & bought a little more time BUT if the best offering was the M35 closures, then I'd have gone outside too!!

good on your DH for dealing with his sister!

4 course setting for 3&6 year olds 😂😂😂😂😂

In our family the children get up between courses and go play, and are excused from the cheese course unless they want to try some. All the adults take turns to engage the kids in whatever activity Lego, colouring etc so the parents can enjoy their meal. It’s completely unreasonable to expect small children to engage in an adult orientated dinner.

I’d be SO SO tempted to reply , “actually I think the kids did so well and I’m really proud of them. This is probably one of those things that if you were a parent you would understand. I’m sure you didn’t mean to be unwelcoming to them. I get that you don’t have much experience, so don’t worry, we’re quite forgiving about it. Have a lovely rest of your bank holiday”

The way my parents managed it was that I was allowed to ask and get down in between courses to amuse myself quietly nearby while they stayed at the table and socialized. If it was a particularly long meal then during one break between courses someone would take me outside to stretch my legs a bit. Could that work if you reminded them that young children need a break from sitting?

I also can’t believe that she texted you. It does sound like your husband was rude towards them at the table but for her to complain to you about it is lunacy.

I live in France and we often have long sunday lunches with friends or family. With kids its always a bit hectic and relaxed, they’re up and down from the table in between eating .People at the table chat and laugh and that includes with the kids. Isnt that the point of a family lunch ? YANBU.

Oh Jesus Christ that is so so dry. That does not sound like a fun Easter even for a grown up. Sounds like your kids behaved beautifully. Hosts are up themselves.
I wouldn’t be going back next year and would plan a lovely chilled fun Easter either at home or take a trip somewhere.

🙄

I wish mine were as well behaved as yours! Well done to them lasting the first 45 mins. That's well beyond expectations for a 3 year old surely.

Guessing your SIL has no kids so doesn't know how most children behave?

Jesus Christ your children sound like a dream. My 2 year old would have lasted 5 minutes. Are these hosts important to you? If not I wouldn't be socialising with them again

I think they did very well. Agree that one of you should probably have stayed at the table.

But expecting a 3 year old to sit at a formal table for a couple of hours is bonkers. As someone up thread said, in years gone by, families that regularly had formal meals didn't include the children. By the time they were included, they were old enough to be bored quietly.

I think you did a decent job of making sure your kids didn’t disturb anyone else’s lunch. We tag team DD, one of us chats the other keeps an eye on her. I probably would have tried to encourage DD to sit for longer but the reality is kids will just get more stroppy sometimes and the best thing to do is excuse them from the table.

I wouldn’t have thought you were rude at all, I would have thought you were parenting your kids.

You did great. Well done and just ignore others who say different.

As others have said, maybe only one of you needed to be in garden with dc. My in-laws have high expectations of table manners; they would have been fine with small children getting down for a break between main and pudding. There would be an expectation that 6 year old would thank cool and ask permission to get down.

I agree with others that maybe you should have taken turns to supervise, but other than that they sound like perfectly normal children who needed to move.

Maybe if/when your in laws have children themselves one day they will understand.