45mins is plenty for a 5yo to sit at a family lunch

Wow your kids did fantastically well to stay at the table for so long. Well done to them. Kids are not designed to sit through long meals. Your hosts sound extremely unreasonable.

You did nothing wrong OP and if your SIL ever has kids of her own she’ll come to that sharp realisation herself that you cannot expect a 6 and 3 year old to sit perfectly for 2 hours. Even adults get bored at some point and move around.

Sounds like they have issues around children. I've had childless friends and family members, who are still kind and accommodating to ours at events - yours were guests after all today. Would they have thought it was okay to make any of their other guests so bored or uncomfortable?

Next time, I'd be politely declining.

@a222 not at all! He's far from a perfect child, but this is exactly what happened today.

So ridiculous to expect such formality from young children.

we had a big family gathering today, kids (cousins) sat on the floor round the coffee table on blankets having a ‘picnic’ laughing and joking and having fun. More food on the floor than in their mouths as they were laughing so much and not much cutlery going on. Easter egg hunt in the garden in their bare feet, chocolate all over their faces most of the day!

I had a similar upbringing with all my cousins, we ran around and had fun and the adults accommodated us. My family have always prioritised ‘kids being kids’. So many lovely memories that I do the same now!

oh and then a pig flew past the window

It’s a family dinner at someone’s house - not dinner at the Ritz! Even as a grown adult I’d hate to sit there for 2 hours indoors while it’s a lovely day outside. How stuffy and unnecessary.

Your children sound lovely and well-behaved, but what possible reason is there you both had to leave the table? That comes across as pretty rude of you, although of course it doesn't excuse the host's bad temper either. I wouldn't visit them again if I were you, family especially should be more understanding

I hope the chat between your DH and your SIL has also made her think about the format, being inclusive and also being fair to you all. To expect a formal dinner to play out because they have an ideal standard to uphold is ludicrous.

I’d be tempted to send them this thread.

Could they not have managed the end of the main course? It feels like they missed most of the meal. I have a 5 year old and he sat for dinner today for a good 90 minutes or so, properly laid table. He ate chatted, listened to the general conversation gave us some 'facts' he'd learned at school about Jesus. Older neighbour was talking about her youth in relation to some music that was playing and he was listening. He was quite happy eating and talking. He does have a very robust appetite though and we do things family style so he was grazing on seconds for quite a while, and it is never a challenge to get him to stay at a table for pudding. He also uses cutlery properly, so if multiple courses would have multiple sets.
I think you both leaving the table was a bit odd.

I'd be replying
"Funny me and DH were just discussing your poor hosting skills. Don't worry we don't intend to suffer enother event at yours"

Sounds like the kids lasted longer than I would. I'm the first to volunteer to 'babysit' other folks kids to get away from boring adults, playing in the garden would be much more fun!

Your kids were fine you and dh were rude though wandering off from the table and coming back to be fed again at dessert time.

Depends on the child I think. My 2 year old will focus on stickers, colouring etc for 10mins. Her similar age friend you would be lucky to get 2mins!

Please can someone show me these magic fucking sticker books that actually keep a 3yo entertained? I see it all the time on here….. “can’t they just quietly do stickers at the table”

lasts about 12 seconds!!!
yes I’ve tried all of them.

This^
Im amazed that some people don’t understand that it’s NOT normal for a child of that age to sit through a long formal meal.
I would take in turns with DH but we only had one DC to supervise. I can easily imagine how you need 2 parents for 2 preschoolers in a non child friendly house. I remember visiting my sister and literally being glued to DD in the living room with masses of easily reached expensive vases/ ornaments/ glass frames etc. it was a nightmare.

Haha 🤣

Well, your relatives sound awful 🤮 I think I'd reply that as they're so intolerant of normal children's behaviour, you won't be visiting them again. Your children were polite and well behaved and they're so little!

I used to get frustrated when my DM would do "starters" when the kids were little.
Yes we all like a starter if we go out, but we don't really need it and the kids really weren't bothered.

Now they are much older and quite used to eating in a group/out....but I only did two courses and they still wandered off between main and dessert (and also helped clear the mains and serve dessert)

Possibly because 2hours is a long time for anyone to be sat at a table.

It's quite normal at formal dinners I have been to for there to be a bit of an exodus, (adult) people moving around, standing up, talking to others, getting fresh air, between the main and dessert.

You’d expect a 3 year old to sit at a table for 2 hours?

My dsil is strict as is her dd.
Her dgc are forced to eat all of their mains before any dessert.
My dgs one year hardly ate the mains and dh and I knew it was something he didn't really like.
When dh gave dgs dessert my dsil complained that he shouldn't be getting any - so dh gave dgs seconds of the dessert.😅

Your dc sound lovely op.

Lol what performative parenting?
It's normal for parents ti engage with children during meal.
And if child is three it is obviously very much needed.

I can’t believe some people are saying you should have left a 3 year old to it in a strange garden. I would keep a frequent eye on my 4 year old in our own, completely enclosed and child friendly garden.

Oh my god! You sound a lovely family and I'd have done exactly as you have done! Why on earth people are saying you should take turns to sit at a table knowing your children wanted you to be engaged I have no idea. Hold firm. You have been totally appropriate and they sound like they know nothing about young children.