45mins is plenty for a 5yo to sit at a family lunch

It is but not for that long at a time. I’m a TA for Y1. We do 20 minutes on the carpet, 30 minutes at a desk, 10 minutes back on the carpet, play time etc etc. We do not expect them to sit at a desk for most of the day. Afternoon is rarely desk work at all - all that gets done in the morning because they have no attention span left for it after lunch.

And rarely do they all just actually sit, even if that’s the activity. Loads of them are shifting around. Going to the toilet, getting a tissue, asking for a spelling, finding a rubber - there’s myriad little reasons they find to move around.
No 6 year old is sitting still silently for two hours. Even at school.

I think they both did well, but 10 minutes into a starter is no time and one of you could have engaged with the DC at the table before they were allowed to get down. I’ve got a DNephew who’s almost 6 and he always wants to get down early and we sometimes have chats that he’s not allowed down yet.

Won't be popular, but in the absence of a drip feed about ditional needs, your sister is completely right to think as she does.

It's not a message I would ever have sent, and I don't know what she hopes to gain by actually sending it, but your pandering sounds ridiculous.

Even those of you who think three year olds should be expected to sit at a formal meal for two hours, SURELY you think it is disgustingly rude or her SIL to follow up the meal with a criticism text?

In what possible version of manners/kindness could that ever be considered acceptable?

Sure, we all have slightly different expectations of our kids (and indeed different kids - mine would have been able to do this but not because of my quality parenting, just because I got lucky).

But if you invite a family over and their kids behave not quite in the way you were expecting, or parents do things a bit differently to you or whatever....

Do you genuinely text them after the meal to tell them so? And still consider yourself well mannered?

Honestly OP it's batshit behaviour on her part, and I hope your fella told her so.

So one person should stand outside away from the party?? might aswell stay at home!!

I can promise you.
No Year 1 class is spending hours and hours doing continuous tasks at a desk with no free flow or movement breaks.

Times have moved on.

Read the bloody OP will you

In England Yr 1 is very much sitting at desks.

I think I would have been bored and wanted to go outside 😅 Are you going to reply OP??

This.

Mine wouldn’t have lasted that long at that age. Doesn’t sound like a fun relaxing family meal. Awful. I wouldn’t go again.

Exactly @Glenthebattleostrich ! Between this thread and the one about the cafe, just shows parent’s can’t win!

Next time take 2 ipads loaded with peppa pig and paw patrol (or the most annoying program the 6 year old enjoys) and bo headphones and when the kids get bored give them their shows to watch. Loudly at the table.

If anyone complains, point out that you were whinged at last time for the kids getting down so please make a choice!!

Or alternatively tell them to sod off and don't go to their stupid dinners!

Mine is in primary 2, which is the same as year 1.

Your DC, especially youngest at 3 are still quite young for the formal kind of dinner, and were good to have lasted 45 minutes.

It was rude of both of you to go outside with your DC, given the circumstances, you should really have gone individually and taken turns, so I imagine your family were cross about that too.

No 6 year old is sat at a desk for two hours at school , they will be up and down from carpet to tables, they will have active activity. A paragraph with take 5 to 10 mins to write. No way is a child sat at a desk listening for two hours!

Mine are 3 and 6, the six year old ( who I am lucky is easy and well behaved) would possibly last up to an hour with interaction from others and probably colouring available. The 3 year old … no chance 🤣

I think you sound like a great parent, only thing we may have done differently is tag teaming the garden, but that would be to both have a couple of minutes of child free time each 😂!

My dd would have stayed at the table for the duration of the meal at that age, but the crucial difference is that others in the family would have made signiicant efforts to engage with her. I don't think it's at all reasonable to expect children to just sit there if they can't participate in the conversation.

Are they in reception or year 1? I said it depending on school year and described a yr 1 classroom.

I can’t speak for every school, but my 6 year old never sits at a desk for the whole day at school. They play, do group activities, build with blocks …. Very small part of the day is sitting at a desk as they follow ‘play is the way’. It’s not natural for a 6 year old to be sat at a desk for a full school day - they just don’t have the concentration.

Sounds to me like your children are angels, my 3 year old would have been wailing and climbing the walls after 45 mins without intense management and frequent breaks!

Sounds perfectly normal! My 6yo DD managed 1.5 hours out for a for a family meal on Friday very nicely (with some colouring and games of uno) but at a family members house she would definitely ask to get down and go and play for a bit. And a 3yo sitting nicely for any length of time is a fucking miracle imo never mind 45mins!

One little one is 6. They will be sitting at a desk all day at school and writing paragraphs independently. They will be in their 2 or 3 year at school and definitely not a preschooler.

Your children sounded like they did great OP. My children were feral today as were their cousins, there was no containing them.

Your children did amazing! Mine wouldn't have been that "well-behaved", food and going out for us means having fun. And if it's not fun for my children I wouldn't go there again. Sorry that's just my priorities.

This.

My 4yos sat through a 4 course meal at a relatives today.

Having said that, they wouldn't have at 3. So we only had family round to ours for bigger meals, so no one would be put out by DTwins leaving the table early/leaving the food they'd taken time to prepare. Maybe this should be an option going forward?

Absolutely no reason your 6yo had to leave the table. Why were you not engaging with them so they felt included/not bored if it was quite a long time? I might put little things on the table though, to keep their attention between courses if I knew a child was particularly challenged at sitting still.

To let the children go off and play part way through the main was rude. To then let them go outside and both of you follow them out there was rude. This wouldn't be appreciated in our household, it's poor manners all round.

However, it's equally bad form to then message you about your lack of table manners. It didn't warrant that.