Another lunch ruined by other peoples’ children

*in ye olden days kids lived in fear of a good thrashing, which is rather disapproved of nowadays.

And those people on the thread saying they manage it with no issues, I bet you have girls!*

Parent of a boy who was never in fear of a thrashing.

The secret?

We entertained him and didn't expect him to entertain himself, which from my experience always seems to be the case of the ones who are being loud and obnoxious.

Adults usually sitting chatting amongst themselves, ignoring the children.

If I chose to go to a cafe at the weekend I would be very surprised if there were no "whining" children there. I often took my 3 young children to cafes because I knew there would be many more very annoying, noisy horrible little pests having lunch with their exhausted parents who wouldn't give a flying shite if my equally horrible little pests were watching Peppa Pig on my phone at full volume or pretending to be a tractor/sheep/car alarm etc. Thankfully I get a lot more time to myself now my children are a bit older so I don't have to eat in cafes anymore 😀

Ages 5-8 sat on tables, crying and making tractor noises, really?! It sounds like the behaviour of toddlers and the only place I’ve ever encountered anything similar is in an under 5s soft play cafe and still no one was actually on top of the table. I think you were just unlucky.

I don’t have a problem with the scenario you’ve described, and I don’t think many people would. What is infuriating though is when the kids are being unruly or noisy and the parents completely ignore it, and don’t take them outside or indeed make any effort whatsoever to try to calm them down. There is no excuse for that at all. It’s pure entitlement.

And what if the child in question is ND?

She must be living on the same planet I am because getting your children to behave is not some impossible task. FGS, so many people on here act as though children are daft, feral animals beyond the scope of training or controlling. You teach your children manners, you teach them that their behaviour affects others, you give them very, very clear expectations as to how you want them to behave and what the consequences will be if they don't. It's not rocket science.

I remember being locked in car while my parents finished their meal if I misbehaved. The good old days 😂

I agree that children shouldn’t be allowed to do as they please and scream and shout in cafes/restaurants but so many people are completely intolerant of small children. I’m just finishing maternity leave and the amount of eye rolling or huffing from (always other women!) when I dare to go into a cafe with my baby and have a coffee. Seems to be the general consensus that young children don’t have a right to be out and about with their families. My children behave, if they don’t then we leave, it’s simple.

And children, even those under 3 have the exact same right as anyone else to go on a plane to have a holiday with their parents. We are going away in a few weeks as we are sick of constantly going away in the uk and getting rained on, having to wrap up warm and spend a hell of a lot of money. Why shouldn’t we go abroad? Just in case, god forbid our baby cries? We will be doing everything we can to stop her so it’ll be much worse for us than you. But go ahead, give us evil stares and make us feel much worse about the situation.

When my children were small, we regularly used to take them to restaurants (not in UK). They behaved fine - sat still, talked quietly, good table manners etc., etc. Why? How come? Because we brought them up like that.

Now their children - our grandchildren - are small. Sometimes we take them to eat out in cafés or restaurants, have done since they were toddlers and we looked after them while parents worked. (Some in UK, some elsewhere we see more rarely.) These small children also know how to behave, table manners etc. Why? How come? Because their parents brought them up like that.

Those of you who found it too difficult to bring up children to behave properly in restaurants and (presumably) elsewhere, shame on you for the lazy good-for-nothing people you are.

No it's not easy bringing children up properly. It can be tricky; sometimes difficult. Needs effort. But if you didn't want to do it right you shouldn't have had children to start with.

Shame on you!

My child screamed due to their autism.

No amount of telling them made a difference.

Thanks.

Yes kids will be kids. But they need to gently but firmly be told NOT to scream or shout loudly when in places like cafes. That’s how they learn. But many people don’t seem to bother to do this and then just say “oh well it’s what kids do isn’t it”. Yes it is, when you never tell them how to behave otherwise 🙄

Some of the adults/parents have drink taken, and are often more noisy than the kids, so discipline is gone out the window for the group.

Can I just say. I prioritised eating at the table at home too.

But no one wants to hear that. They all want to sit in judgement on me for being a shitty parent with a child who can't behave.

God this thread is depressing. I don't even have kids, but I can't remember the last time I was really bothered by children's behaviour in cafes and restaurants. And we go out a fair bit. Children shout, babies cry, children get bored and overexcited sometimes. So what? It doesn't usually last very long, and if it does then parents usually take them outside for a breather or whatever. Are children not allowed out unless they behave like mini adults? And adults don't always behave with much consideration do they (shouting, loud laughing, drunkenness, music played without headphones on trains etc). It's almost as if some people resent children even existing.

Maybe I’m immune because I have a chatterbox 6 year old, but I haven’t been anywhere recently I’ve felt my enjoyment was ruined by children behaving badly (or like children). Even overtly child friendly places. I’m not convinced it’s as big an issue as it’s sometimes made out to be on here. Last time we went out for lunch, DD coloured in and we played cards, the kids on a nearby table had headphones on and a little lad who was having trouble waiting was taken outside to run around on the grass. That’s the kind of thing we almost always see.

Totally agree. I have 2 young DC age 5 and 3 and they are capable of sitting still nicely in a restaurant or cafe. Part of the reason I suspect is that they eat their dinner at the table every evening usually with me and DH as well - we have made this a priority as a family. I understand not everyone can do this due to working hours/commutes etc but it means they see good table manners being modelled every single day. They also eat breakfast at the table and not in front of screens. I don’t tolerate any silly behaviour at the table and they are not allowed to stand on chairs, put their feet up at the table, kneel up, mess about etc. I don’t know anyone else from our friends who also have their kids eat this way (at the table for almost every meal, sat on their bottoms, with at least one adult).

This means that we’re already halfway there when taking them out as they already know how to sit at a table and eat nicely and chat. If they do start messing around when we’re out then they get one warning and told that if they can’t sit nicely then they’ll have to leave. 9/10 times that is enough to get them to behave. But I have followed through with the threat and taken a DC out of a cafe half way through a meal to stop them from ruining other peoples enjoyment. I also make sure that I explicitly state this to them “please sit nicely at the table, if you make lots of noise and keep trying to run around then you’ll stop other people from enjoying their lunches and that’s not fair”. Again I don’t really know anyone else who does this, every time we go out with friends they seem to let their kids mess about - stand on chairs, hide under tables, shouting loudly, keep getting up and down from chairs, listen to stuff on iPads way too loudly etc. I try not to say anything but it’s hard.

I take my daughter who is 3 out loads and have since she was a baby and she sits and eats and doesn't run around

I think the OP is being extremely unreasonable and should get in the bin

Hell is other people, and other people's kids 😂

It's Easter Sunday FGS, what do people expect. Go to a church instead for candlelight and peace.

I'm allergic to kids and their noise, but I know kids will be kids. I therefore avoid busy times and days/weekends. I can go any time, many have no choice so I leave them to it.

If you want a dining experience without children, why did you pick a cafe?

She said what she wants parents to do in the last sentence.

Children are not adults there for they behave differently. I'm not saying they should scream and shout etc. But when they are little they get excited. So their voice may be a bit heigh pitched. They will make sounds because that's what kids do. Kids should be reasonable in restaurants. But by the same token they are not adults.

And let's not forget children with special needs. I know not every child has special needs but some do.

This hits the nail on the head.

I think as a society, we’ve all just become less considerate of others. I’ve had many more things ruined by adults behaviour - watching videos without headphones, having conversations on speaker phone (I’ll never understand that), general rudeness to staff and others around them.

I dont really think that a child sitting still but playing with a tractor whilst making tractor noises is misbehaving? Children will play and it's unrealistic to expect any child to sit completely still. If you dont like it go to your usual cafe on the weekdays

I agree some parents let their children run riot in restaurants etc and make little effort to keep them quiet/stop them legging it across the room and that shouldn’t be allowed - but I also think some people have zero tolerance for small children and even the slightest peep or giggle is apparently outrageous and the parents are terrible shitbags for bringing them out. Of course people should be allowed to enjoy their lunch without a screaming child accompanying it, but also children should be allowed in public spaces and that means it’s not going to be silent. Like most things, there is balance needed from both sides.

Yes my kids would do it once and then I’d tell them that we don’t make that much noise in a tiny pub (literally 5 tables in the area we were sat in). And I’d tell the them to play properly or I’d take the dominoes off them.