Another lunch ruined by other peoples’ children

Someone once said there are 2 things you appreciate that other people don't. Your own farts and your own children.

Yawn

Is that not what I said?

However, the op is objecting to them making any kind of noise at all. My friend's son is non-verbal, and he shouts out - so by that logic, they should never eat out as a family?

I couldn't give a shit if a child is making tractor noises in a cafe.

I like kids, it's nice to hear them being happy and playing.

But these threads always go the same thread, posts from perfect parents or older women who've forgotten what is was like to have young DCs or like to reminisce about child rearing methods "back in the day" and describing other people's children as feral brats, little darlings in sarcastic tone obvs and worse.

I was a perfect parent too until I had DD (autistic) and I was judged plenty when she refused to sit quietly, screamed her head off and had a meltdown at every opportunity.

I we ended up staying at home a lot because of the cat's bum faces. I'm not saying all naughty kids are autistic by the way but even the nicest DCs have their moments.

So I live and let live. I assume most parents are trying their best and don't need my judgment, criticism, tutting, smacked arse expression or pursed lips.

Oh well . I'm sorry

And those people on the thread saying they manage it with no issues, I bet you have girls

Nope. One of each. And they are both similarly well behaved out in public. Both went through phases as toddlers when they weren’t so we didn’t eat out for those periods of times because we’re not selfish twats.

Yes I agree you have to try. So if they start having a meltdown (which mine has done sometimes, usually not at cafes but at other public places like libraries) then it’s time to go home. It often means they’re overwhelmed or otherwise not enjoying the environment for whatever reason anyway, so it’s in everyone’s best interests for us to move elsewhere. So there’s surely no scenario in which you’re sitting in a cafe or restaurant just letting your kid scream - if they’re having a meltdown then you take them out. Which is fine.

There was nothing to indicate that you were joking.

@Stressfordays agreed!

I think sometimes those who have been lucky to have placid children congratulate themselves on being wonderful parents.

Mine is ND and we generally don't eat out because it doesn't end well.

I agree op and I do have kids. They have been raised to understand when they need to calm it down to behave appropriately in restaurants/ cinema/ public transport etc

I work with children with disabilities who don't understand a 'keep volume down' so when we take them out for a meal it would be maybe after an activity (when they're naturally calmer) or they have their comfort toys with them (in some cases a tablet / earphones) and most of the time they remain settled.

I see lots of people following toddlers round restaurants thinking it's so cute but they don't realise what they are setting up for the future.

I do not agree with children being wild and running about where food is served (other than softplay) but a child making a few tractor noises, doesn't strike me as that unreasonable to be honest?

My young son talks loudly , we do remind him to talk softly when we eat out, but he can be loud and sometimes makes weird noises. He isn't being naughty, he has sensory issues and glue ear, I genuinely don't think he realises how loud he talks sometimes. Teachers have mentioned how loudly he talks too, but he is a well behaved boy. He doesn't scream , but you sound like you would have judged us for some of the noises he makes, despite us keep reminding him to talk quietly.

I've had more meals ruined by drunk loud adults in nice restaurants than children in all honesty.

I think a lot of people would love to be able to go to adult only places, but they rarely exist in the day time. It’s only really in the evening pubs and bars are child free zones.

I don’t have a problem with children being children and making a bit of noise. But we’ve been to so many places where kids are running around the place disturbing everyone else while their parents sit drinking paying no attention to them. And these aren’t family type pubs with playgrounds etc where you’d expect that. It’s rubbish and not fair on everyone else when lazy parents can’t be bothered to entertain or parent their children.

Well I couldn't exactly always predict a melt down

And in order that the child learnt what was expected and to teach them we had to try.

I have three DCs now all teenagers. I’m not particularly strict parent but I expected them to behave themselves in restaurants and cafes. To this end I brought a lot of things with me - books, colouring, toys and games. If you want your kids to run riot go to soft play or a farm or a park. Places where adults are eating are not playgrounds. I actually don’t think that people are doing their kids any good by letting them behave badly without boundaries in these types of situation. Our jobs as parents are to raise children who can be well-rounded adults and adults are not allowed to run around restaurants shouting and eating dog’s toys and whatever else. Children need boundaries to feel safe.

I was joking ... but ut seems that's what some people seem to want

You seem to have spectacularly missed the point. Our eldest (who is ND) actually sat perfectly, anywhere, virtually from birth. So we took him everywhere. Like your child. This is not what OP is talking about. She has no objection to children being there. Just those with crap parents.

DTwins did not sit perfectly. So we didn't ruin everyone else's paid experience for three years because we are entitled arses who have no respect for anyone else. DTwins are now 4, have appropriate table manners and regularly eat out with us. They cause no issue to anyone else there.

I have kids.

How come it's only the one with autism who couldn't behave in a restaurant?

What should I have done? Battered them into the middle of next week? Never taken them out?

My post wasn’t aimed at you, I didn’t quote it in mine.

But. If your child genuinely screams continuously when out at a cafe then do you really think it’s fair to take them there? Should everyone else have to listen to screaming the whole time? One of my kids is autistic but she has different things that she struggles with, she mainly has a lot of anxiety around routines and also friendships. She is able to sit quietly which obviously not all SEN children can do. However if she couldn’t then I just wouldn’t take her to cafes. I wouldn’t want to be constantly having to tell her to be quiet… That’s not ableist.

That's quite a toxic approach.

@Vegetus one day if you are lucky, you will also be an "old fart"!!!

I've reared my kids. I don't want to listen to yours. That neither makes me "boring" nor "old". My 3rd was a nightmare, but was not allowed to be noisy and disruptive towards other people.

Consideration for others is a mature attitude to have. Try it.

Jeez is this a real question? ‘What do you want parents to do?’ Umm let me think… parent your children maybe?

No one expects children to be perfect but they do expect that parents will be mindful and considerate of other people. It’s actually a good thing for society to role model this to the next generation. If you just weakly say ‘there’s nothing I can do about my children’s behaviour’ then that’s pretty piss poor.

Yes I said they should not scream and shout in my first paragraph

Mine's 26 with a voice like a foghorn. I could slap him sometimes 🤣

You tripped OP when you said you kept going back and it was the same every time.

What's that definition of madness again? Doing the same thing over again, but expecting a different result.

Stop banging your head against the wall. OR make a proper stance and see how the cafe owner feels, rather than wet your knickers on Mumsnet.

I can't stand unruly rude kids, nobody can. I just wouldn't go again.

Ahhh masochism 😉😉