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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU that my husband refuses to apologise for being dead drunk?

205 replies

Oliverlouise81 · 31/03/2024 11:39

Last night my hubby went to the pub while I stayed home with dd. Fine. But he rolled in at almost 3 am, totally sloshed and crashed on the beanbag in the living room. He knows I find this behaviour upsetting. I told him this morning that I was upset with him and it would be nice of him to apologise but all I got was that 'you want me to say sorry for having fun?'
He used to do this periodically when we were dating but hasn't for a while but I still don't think its acceptable at all. What also pissed me off is that when I was talking about it he tried to turn it back to my irritating habits!

I'm not trying to say he can't go out alone and get a bit merry but I do object to him being that hammered.

OP posts:
Universalsnail · 31/03/2024 12:18

I don't think he's done anything wrong and so I don't think he needs to apologise to you. Yabu

Mummame2222 · 31/03/2024 12:18

Oliverlouise81 · 31/03/2024 12:00

I'm not a party animal, he is more extrovert and I've no problem with him going out without me.
I do have a problem with him being dead drunk. In the past he's come home so wankered that twice he peed in the wrong place because he didn't know where the bathroom was. He'd also been talking about having a nice Easter day together and now we're wasting half of it while he nurses a hangover.

Edited

You’re being very unreasonable. And controlling. If he’s not doing this every weekend I think you need to let it go. If you’ve e kicked off you probably need to apologise to him imo.

Mumtoboys82 · 31/03/2024 12:17

Crunchymum · 31/03/2024 12:14

She said in her title he was "dead drunk"

She said in her first post instead of apologising he's started on about her and her "bad habits"

She said in a subsequent post he's too hungover to have the day they planned.

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TBH if my DP criticized me for something that everyone does once in a while I'd get a bit narky too.

If it was my DP I'd take him a cuppa and two nurofen, tell him to go and have a shower and get on with the day.

DaBlackCatsAreDaBestCats · 31/03/2024 12:17

Doesn’t sound like he was much interested in today’s Easter plans if he got in that state

Mummame2222 · 31/03/2024 12:17

I'm not trying to say he can't go out alone and get a bit merry but I do object to him being that hammered.

Are you always this controlling? It’s not really your call is it.

Thepeopleversuswork · 31/03/2024 12:17

Frightening and upsetting’ and ’Fucking horrible’ are quite an extreme reaction to your husband coming home pissed. Are you usually so melodramatic or is just for Easter?

I don’t think it’s an extreme reaction. I loathe being around people who are very inebriated. Would go to the ends of the earth to avoid them and would be repelled if my partner did this regularly.

The point is though that you can’t control another human being’s actions and if you dislike it that much (and I would), you have to leave as opposed to expecting to change them.

Crunchymum · 31/03/2024 12:16

Prinnny · 31/03/2024 12:15

Sounds like you are massively projecting your own issues onto this thread. I hope you can heal from whatever has triggered you like this.

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Thank you.

I really appreciate this.

Your patronising post is really helping me heal.

Prinnny · 31/03/2024 12:15

Crunchymum · 31/03/2024 12:12

You really cannot understand how some people have had difficult experiences with someone who has been very drunk?

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Sounds like you are massively projecting your own issues onto this thread. I hope you can heal from whatever has triggered you like this.

Crunchymum · 31/03/2024 12:14

Mumtoboys82 · 31/03/2024 12:12

Where did OP say she had to deal with him fall down drunk? He came in and went to sleep on the beanbag. I'd my happier that my DP did that than brought his beer breath into bed 😂And why would you find someone else's hangover frightening and upsetting?

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She said in her title he was "dead drunk"

She said in her first post instead of apologising he's started on about her and her "bad habits"

She said in a subsequent post he's too hungover to have the day they planned.

Mumtoboys82 · 31/03/2024 12:14

Thepeopleversuswork · 31/03/2024 12:00

I’m with you OP I find excessive drunkenness undignified and unattractive. I think doing it regularly when you have small kids is self indulgent and selfish and sets a poor example.

But the thing is you can’t control what another human being does. You have the choice as to whether to tolerate it or not. If it bothers you that much (and I wouldn’t blame you), call time on the relationship.

What? You would honestly end a relationship because your other had a few too many on a night out, came home safely and quietly and went to sleep downstairs?

Crunchymum · 31/03/2024 12:12

Prinnny · 31/03/2024 12:07

‘Frightening and upsetting’ and ’Fucking horrible’ are quite an extreme reaction to your husband coming home pissed. Are you usually so melodramatic or is just for Easter?

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You really cannot understand how some people have had difficult experiences with someone who has been very drunk?

Mumtoboys82 · 31/03/2024 12:12

Crunchymum · 31/03/2024 11:56

Having to deal with someone fall down drunk (and the ensuing hangover) is fucking horrible and can be incredibly frightening and upsetting. Why is that so hard to understand?

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Where did OP say she had to deal with him fall down drunk? He came in and went to sleep on the beanbag. I'd my happier that my DP did that than brought his beer breath into bed 😂And why would you find someone else's hangover frightening and upsetting?

KimberleyClark · 31/03/2024 12:10

As long as he has not vomited or pissed somewhere he shouldn’t I’d let it go.

Prinnny · 31/03/2024 12:07

Crunchymum · 31/03/2024 11:56

Having to deal with someone fall down drunk (and the ensuing hangover) is fucking horrible and can be incredibly frightening and upsetting. Why is that so hard to understand?

Show quote history

‘Frightening and upsetting’ and ’Fucking horrible’ are quite an extreme reaction to your husband coming home pissed. Are you usually so melodramatic or is just for Easter?

Oblomov24 · 31/03/2024 12:06

Apologise for what?

fieldsofbutterflies · 31/03/2024 12:06

Oliverlouise81 · 31/03/2024 12:00

I'm not a party animal, he is more extrovert and I've no problem with him going out without me.
I do have a problem with him being dead drunk. In the past he's come home so wankered that twice he peed in the wrong place because he didn't know where the bathroom was. He'd also been talking about having a nice Easter day together and now we're wasting half of it while he nurses a hangover.

Edited

You should have included that in your opening post.

However I wouldn't accept being hungover as a reason to opt out of Easter. He needs to have a shower, take some paracetamol and get on with it.

XiCi · 31/03/2024 12:06

Crunchymum · 31/03/2024 12:01

Don't call me stupid.

There are so many apologists for shitty male behaviour on MN, your "tongue in cheek" comment really isn't clever or funny.

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Having an occasional night out with friends and falling asleep is not shitty behaviour. Everyone has a blowout now and again. The usual response is to make your partner a cup of tea the next morning and have a bit of a laugh about it. Standing over someone demanding an apology, now that is shitty behaviour

DaBlackCatsAreDaBestCats · 31/03/2024 12:04

Do you not drink OP? It sounds like you weren’t happy with him going out in the first place. As PPs have said as long as he’s not nasty and violent when drunk let him crack on

K0OLA1D · 31/03/2024 12:03

Crunchymum · 31/03/2024 11:48

Ignore all the cool wives.

The fact he is being an arse about it (as opposed to apologising for getting carried away, as it doesnt sound like you expected him to be out for so long?) and trying to turn it around on you isn't acceptable.

I assume rolling in at 3am will render him somewhere between belligerent and absolutely useless for the rest of the day?

Selfish men be selfish men.

Edited

Give over. Cool wives.

GinForBreakfast · 31/03/2024 12:02

YANBU. It's tiresome and unattractive. Yes he's an adult and can make his own choices but the consequences are that his wife is irritated and inconvenienced.

Hermittrismegistus · 31/03/2024 12:01

Oliverlouise81 · 31/03/2024 12:00

I'm not a party animal, he is more extrovert and I've no problem with him going out without me.
I do have a problem with him being dead drunk. In the past he's come home so wankered that twice he peed in the wrong place because he didn't know where the bathroom was. He'd also been talking about having a nice Easter day together and now we're wasting half of it while he nurses a hangover.

Edited

Why the drip feed? Why not post these legitimate concerns in your op?

Crunchymum · 31/03/2024 12:01

XiCi · 31/03/2024 11:58

Oh dont be so stupid. It was obviously a tongue in cheek comment

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Don't call me stupid.

There are so many apologists for shitty male behaviour on MN, your "tongue in cheek" comment really isn't clever or funny.

Mimimimi1234 · 31/03/2024 12:00

YABU as he is an adult and as long as his drinking is not causing an issue like he is aggressive or has a drink problem how much he drinks on his odd night out as a grown adult man is really up to him. You are being controlling and acting like his mum.

Thepeopleversuswork · 31/03/2024 12:00

I’m with you OP I find excessive drunkenness undignified and unattractive. I think doing it regularly when you have small kids is self indulgent and selfish and sets a poor example.

But the thing is you can’t control what another human being does. You have the choice as to whether to tolerate it or not. If it bothers you that much (and I wouldn’t blame you), call time on the relationship.

Original poster
Oliverlouise81 · 31/03/2024 12:00

I'm not a party animal, he is more extrovert and I've no problem with him going out without me.
I do have a problem with him being dead drunk. In the past he's come home so wankered that twice he peed in the wrong place because he didn't know where the bathroom was. He'd also been talking about having a nice Easter day together and now we're wasting half of it while he nurses a hangover.

OP posts: